Plowed
by GeekChic12
Summary: On a dreary Monday morning, he plowed right in to her life. Will she see him for who he is and let him in? ExB, AH
1. Inches

**Thanks to Twilly for pre-reading this on short notice!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

**Please to be enjoying Snowplowward. :D**

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**Chapter 1 - Inches**

"Oh, fuck _off_," I mutter at my alarm. Hitting snooze brings the sweetest kind of relief, and I sink back down into the warmth and softness of my bed.

After the third snooze alarm goes off, I finally peel the covers off, shivering as I shuffle to the bathroom.

The snooze button was my best friend half an hour ago, but now I'm rushing to get going. I'll be right on time for work as long as I can find something clean to wear and don't spend too long in the shower.

I know it's cold as fuck outside, so I throw my heavy coat and beanie on, wrapping my scarf around my neck just before stepping out the door.

Into at least eight inches of snow.

"Noooooo," I whine. Turning around, I head back to my room and grab an extra pair of jeans, tucking them inside my coat. A rummage through my closet yields a pair of boots that won't be quite high enough to keep the snow out. Hitching my scarf high enough to rest on the bridge of my nose, I grab my ice scraper out of the entryway closet and open the door again with a resigned sigh. I'm not even going to bother calling work. I know they'll be open. Asshats.

Both of my roommates' boyfriends spent the night last night, so I parked on the curb, not wanting to block them in. "Fuck me." Trudging through the snow, I mutter under my breath, cursing my roommates and their healthy sex lives. Mostly because of the car situation, but also because it's been so long for me, I'm convinced my hymen is growing back.

Once I'm halfway down the driveway, I hear the rumbling engine of a truck coming up the street. "No, no, no, no, no." It's a plow. And he's going to fucking bury my poor little car.

Sure enough, as I look on in horror, the red truck cruises right on by, piling a mountain of snow up against the driver's side door of my little Honda.

With a frustrated scream, I launch my ice scraper at the truck, fully expecting to miss and so pissed I don't even care that I'll have to go retrieve it from a snow bank. My eyes widen when it ricochets off the back window and the truck's brake lights glow bright red in the dull morning light.

"Oh, shit," I mutter, looking around for a place to hide, which… yeah, isn't happening. I'm past the boys' cars, and the driver is already out of his truck and looking, or more likely glaring, right at me. He inspects the side of the truck and then shakes his head, looking around for a moment before bending down to pick up the missile I launched at him.

As he walks toward me, I inch backwards. He's tall and bulky, with a beard covering the lower half of his face. Intimidating.

"I believe this belongs to you?" He's close enough now to hold the long scraper out to me, but he keeps closing in on me. His voice is gruff, and I take another step backward, my ass meeting the trunk of Ben's snow-covered car.

Thank God I grabbed extra jeans.

"Y—yes." Dammit. I didn't want my voice to shake like that, but it _is_ about ten fucking degrees out here, so I guess it was inevitable.

"You wanna tell me why you threw it at my truck?"

"Uh…" I can see his eyes now. I can't place them, but they seem familiar. Deep forest green. Angry.

"You scratched the paint on the side of the bed."

"I'm… sorry." I'm lost for a second in his eyes. Framed by thick, dark lashes, they narrow slightly as he scratches at the scruff on his face and clears his throat, breaking my daze. "No, wait. I'm not fucking sorry. I need to get to work, and your stupid plow just buried my car under _eight thousand feet_ of snow."

His voice sounds smoother when he speaks again, and he lifts his eyebrows at me. "You shouldn't have parked on the street with so much snow comin'." He shrugs.

Adjusting my scarf to keep my face half-covered, I roll my eyes. "Well, _ob_viously. But the stupid weather guy is almost always wrong. Seems like every time they call for eight to ten inches, all we get is two or three."

A smirk pulls at one side of his mouth.

"_What_?"

Amusement is all over his face. "Nothing. Just… You seem disappointed in the usual lack of... _inches_."

Narrowing my eyes at him, I fight back a snicker and my knee-jerk response, which is to say, 'that's what she said,' and instead say, "Are you serious right now? I don't have time for this. I'm already gonna be late as it is."

"You were really gonna drive in this?" he asks me.

"I _am_ gonna drive in this. If I can unearth my car, that is."

We're standing about a foot apart on the snow-covered driveway, and an intense shiver runs through me. Whether it's from the way his eyes study me or the cold, wet snow saturating my jeans, I'm not sure.

"You should get back inside. I'll shovel you out." He turns back toward his truck, adjusting his sock cap and pulling gloves out of his jacket pockets.

I tilt my head as he walks away.

His ass doesn't look half bad in those jeans.

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**Thank you for reading! xoxo**


	2. Tree

***sigh* I love you guys so much. Pretty sure I have the absolute best readers around. :D Thank you all for following along and leaving me so much love!**

**Huge thanks to Twilly for squeezing in her pre-read before work this morning so we could have a little more Plow-ward.**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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**Chapter 2 - Tree**

Once I'm back inside the warmth of my house, I press my back against the door for a moment to catch my breath and chastise myself for ogling the surly, yet kinda pervy and funny snow plow guy. Shedding my hat, coat, and scarf, I head back to my room to get out of my wet jeans. I'll likely get another pair wet when I go back out, but I can't just sit in these. My ass cheeks are fucking freezing, so I put on my warmest pair of sweats and wait.

I peek out the window every few minutes to check on his progress. And maybe to ogle him a little more.

He's just so big and burly. _Manly_.

The last guy I dated got manicures and wouldn't be caught dead with a beard.

I drop the curtain like it burned me when he looks up toward the house and move to the kitchen to find something to do.

Coffee. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's making coffee. Getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to work as a barista isn't ideal, but the tips are better in the morning, and grad school is fucking expensive.

I get some espresso shots ready and steam some milk on our machine—best purchase we ever made for this place. A parade of housemates and boyfriends comes through upon smelling the coffee, and I end up making lattes or cappuccinos for all of them. I'd be at work now anyway if not for the snow, so I figure what the hell.

Jessica decides to make waffles, so I start some bacon. Once everything is ready, the two couples take their food and retreat back to their rooms to enjoy the snow day in sex-filled bliss. Ugh.

I don't even want to know what they're going to do with the syrup.

When Angela offered to sit and eat with me, I waved her off. I'd like to ogle in peace, thank you very much.

I should probably feel guilty, objectifying him like this. But hell, I have no plans to launch any more projectiles at plow trucks, so it's not like I'm going to see him again after he's finished shoveling.

Just as I set my plate on the table, my phone beeps with an incoming text, and there's a sharp knock on the front door. Reading the text and replying as I walk, I check the peephole when I get to the door. With a guilty sigh, I open it to see snow plow guy standing there, cheeks flushed and breathing heavy clouds of steam into the air in front of him.

He can plow me anytime.

Jesus, where did _that_ thought come from?

He stares at me for a moment with his mouth hanging open, and then I hear a soft "fucking knew it" leave his mouth.

My brows furrow. "What?"

"You're Bella, right? Bella Swan?"

"Uh…" My arm instinctively starts to inch the door closed. "Yeah? How did you know that?"

"Couldn't see your whole face before with the scarf." He gestures at the bottom half of his face, and I wonder what it would feel like to run my hands through that beard. "But yeah." Oh, he's still talking. "I went to Oak Park High School with you."

My neck jerks back in surprise. "You _did_?" Apart from the vaguely familiar eyes, I don't recognize him at all.

"Yeah." He scratches a glove-covered finger across his eyebrow. "Anyway, I'm finished."

My guilt returns as I peek around his hulky frame and see my clean car. He also shoveled the part of the driveway with no cars on it and the sidewalk leading to the front door. "I'm so sorry," I breathe out, stepping back to open the door all the way. I can't feel my toes. "Come inside. Let me feed you. It's the least I can do."

"What are you sorry about?" he asks as he stomps the snow off his boots on the welcome mat.

"My boss just texted me. She's not opening the shop after all, so it looks like I don't actually need to go anywhere."

"Hmph," he grunts with a slight scowl.

"But I have waffles and bacon and coffee." I give him what I hope is an apologetic smile. "And we could catch up, maybe?"

"I need to finish my route."

My shoulders slump in defeat. "Oh." Where is the smirky guy from earlier?

"Your street is the last, though, so I could uh... finish it and come back." He shifts on his feet and can't seem to meet my eyes. "If you'd like."

Grinning, I nod at him. "I'll keep some breakfast warm for you."

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I sip my coffee and wait. I check my hair for the tenth time, and it still looks the same. Long. Dark brown. Nothing spectacular. Running my fingers through it one last time, I rush to the door when he knocks again. For some reason, there's a tingly feeling in my stomach.

Okay, I know the reason.

Apparently this hot piece of man is someone I went to freaking high school with and knows my name. _And_ he came back, which means he must want to spend some time with me. That, or he's just hungry.

Either way, I feel terrible and need to do _something_ for him for all the work he did.

A slight shiver runs through me when I open the door for him a second time, looking up at his handsome face.

So tall.

"Hey."

"Hey."

I smile shyly. "Come on in and have a seat at the table." He steps over the threshold and removes his boots, placing them by the door. Walking to the kitchen to get our food, I mumble to myself, "God, I would climb that man like a tree."

"What?"

"Fuck," I gasp out, whirling around with my hand on my chest.

"Sorry," he says, hands in the air, palms out—tit-level. His eyes dip down, widening, and he snaps his hands down to his sides. "Could I use your bathroom?"

My eyes bounce from his _very_ large hands, long fingers twitching by his thighs, to his face. "Oh. Uh, sure." I point toward the hall. "It's the second door on your left."

"Thanks," he mutters, stalking off and running a hand through his hair, causing his sock cap to fall back. He catches it, and I get a glimpse of dark strands sticking up in all directions.

When he emerges, I ask how he likes his coffee.

"Black."

"Oh. You don't drink lattes or cappuccinos? Anything like that?"

"That froo-froo, half-caff, soy, French vanilla with extra foam crap?"

Giggling, I nod. "Something like that."

"Nah."

"Okay." I make him an Americano and bring it to him along with a plate piled high with waffles and crispy bacon. Returning to the kitchen, I bring out a bottle of warmed syrup and my own plate.

"Thanks, Bella," he says quietly, picking up his fork. He's taken his jacket off to reveal a heavy green plaid shirt with a white t-shirt underneath.

"You're welcome…" I trail off, sipping my coffee and hoping he'll fill in the blank.

"Edward."

Shock makes me choke and splutter on my drink. Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I run my eyes over him again. The hair color is right. And the eyes. But nothing else about him resembles the only Edward I knew at Oak Park High. "Edward M—Masen?" I stutter out.

He nods, his gaze dropping to his plate as he digs in.

"Holy shit," I breathe. "You look so…"

"Different. I know." He shrugs, shoveling another huge bite of waffle into his mouth.

"Well, I was gonna say great, but yeah, different for sure."

Edward offers me a tilted smile, a piece of bacon halfway to his mouth. "You look great too, Bella." That smile widens into a full-on grin. "And exactly the same."

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**I'm not a huge fan of long chapters, so most will be shortish (some longer toward the end). If you need to flounce, no hard feelings. **

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	3. Refrigerator

**You guys are so amazing. I can't thank you enough for leaving me so much love. I hate that I can't reply to everyone, but I read and appreciate them all so much.**

**Huge thanks to Twilly and Sophiacorgi for going over this for me!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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**Chapter 3 - Refrigerator**

"I actually…" Edward stops and laughs softly, shaking his head and taking a sip of coffee. His food is gone—devoured in huge bites like he hadn't eaten in a month. And now we sit with empty plates and full mugs, reminiscing on our time in high school. "I actually sent you one of those secret admirer candy-grams on Valentine's Day your senior year."

I gasp softly. "You did not."

Nodding, he gives me that tilted smile. "I did." His eyes crinkle in the corners as he chuckles.

"Wow." Smiling, I think back to that day, remembering how I felt when I opened the little card attached to a red heart-shaped lollipop. _If you were mine, I'd tell you every single day how beautiful you are, inside and out. Happy Valentine's Day, Bella. Love, Your Secret Admirer. _It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. My heart fluttered as I'd looked around the cafeteria that day at lunch, around the halls between classes, wanting to know _so_ badly who'd sent it to me. "I always wondered who that was from."

"You only got one?" Edward asks.

Clearing my throat, I nod and look down into my coffee mug as I lift it to take another sip. "I still have that note." There's shock all over his face when I look back up at him. "It was perfect."

The apples of his cheeks turn pink as he runs a hand through his short hair. The smile is back on his lips, and I want to kiss it.

Silence stretches between us after our revelations, and we finish our coffee, sneaking glances over the tops of our mugs at each other with shy smiles.

Sitting back in his chair after his mug is drained, Edward groans and pats his stomach. "That was good. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Bella Swan," he says for about the fifth time, smiling and shaking his head like he's still in disbelief.

"In the flesh."

Edward's eyebrows lift. "Don't I know it," he mumbles, looking down. It feels like he's going to leave soon, and the disappointment sits heavily in my stomach. He lifts his coffee mug but realizes it's empty and sets it back down, his dark green eyes suddenly meeting mine again.

I'm caught by those eyes, trapped. My stomach flips as he continues to gaze at me, almost like he's studying me again, the same way he did when we were outside. To keep myself from pouncing on him, I stand and pick up my plate.

Edward's warm hand wraps around my wrist when I move to take his plate. "Let me." Our gazes lock again, and all my breath seems to leave my body at once. He's _so_ close. He smells like outside, crisp and clean with a hint of whatever he used in the shower this morning. It wouldn't take much to lean down and kiss him, and I feel my body start to bend toward him like a plant to the sun. He blinks, eyes dipping down to my lips, which I wet with my tongue. His darkened eyes shoot back up to mine, and I release a heavy breath.

I always did love those eyes.

Years ago, they'd been set in a pimply face that not enough people could look past to see the person underneath. His reddish hair was kind of long and shaggy, and he had a mouth full of metal. Edward was a year behind me in school, so we didn't interact much. But I remember him being gangly and uncoordinated. Either that or he was being tripped a lot. Some of the bullies in our school were relentless.

I'd helped him a few times in the cafeteria after his lunch tray had landed with a loud clatter and splattered food on the floor. Those beautiful green eyes were always so angry when they would first meet mine. We never really spoke to each other, but I'd give him a small but warm smile, and his eyes would soften a little. He'd utter a quiet, "thank you," and we'd go on with our very different lives.

I wasn't exactly among the most popular girls in school, but I was well-liked. I had friends in all different social circles within our class. Being on the dance team might have given the illusion that I was quite popular, but I kept to myself more than people probably realized. I didn't go to a lot of parties and didn't date much.

Edward removes his hand from my skin, snapping me out of my thoughts and making me stand up straight, breaking the spell. Clearing his throat, he stands to gather his dishes, and I turn and head to the sink, muttering to myself about how dumb I am. Just because he may have liked me way back in high school, that doesn't mean he would now that we're all grown up.

And boy, has he grown up.

Shivering at that thought, I turn on the water to rinse my plate and feel him step up behind me. His body heat envelops me as he moves in close, reaching around me to deposit his plate into the sink. As he pulls his hand back, though, it stops and rests heavily on my shoulder for a moment... gauging. When I continue my absentminded rinsing but don't move away from him, Edward's hand moves to my hair, sweeping it to my other shoulder. He leans down and runs his nose up the column of my neck, and my head automatically lolls to the side to give him more access.

"Bella," he whispers. It's a plea, a request for an invitation I'm all too happy to give.

My body feels weak, the shivers coming non-stop. All I can do is nod as my eyes fall shut, and my breaths become faster and heavier.

"Mmm, yeah. You feel it too." His voice is husky and deep, his confident words causing a pleasant shudder to roll through me. My brain feels like mush, but it's functioning just enough to get my hands to turn off the faucet before they spread wide and grip the counter tightly to keep myself upright as Edward's lips replace his nose on my skin. He lays soft kisses up and down my neck, his scruff tickling and adding to the tingling sensation rushing through me.

His hands slide down my arms and land on top of my hands, prying my fingers off the counter and bringing my arms up to lock around his neck. It makes my back arch, my breasts jutting forward and ass pressing against him.

A deep groan rumbles out of him when my hips undulate, providing him with the friction I know he's craving. Big hands latch on to my waist and stay there for a moment before traveling down to my hips. I let him move me how he wants, and he pulls me harder against him, eliciting a moan I can't stifle.

Edward's so much taller than me that my head rests on his chest underneath his chin. With my arms still hooked around his neck, I move my fingers up into his hair, scratching at his scalp as he pushes his erection into my ass. "God_damn_," he grunts. "I want you so bad."

My whimper is embarrassing, but I couldn't care less right now.

"Always have," he mumbles.

My brows furrow in confusion when his hands leave me all of a sudden, and he pries _my_ hands out of his hair. But then I'm spun around, and his lips land hard on mine, one hand gripping the base of my skull and the other pressing into the small of my back, bringing me in as close as possible. My hands go right back into his hair as I return his kiss, clawing at him desperately. Wanting, _needing_ to be even closer, I push at him with my body, and we end up moving around the kitchen, pawing at each other, mouths locked together like we're providing the other's oxygen.

I land against the refrigerator with an _oomph_.

"Sorry," Edward breathes into my mouth, immediately covering it with his own again.

My responding moan translates to: _It's so fucking okay. Please never stop mauling me._

He can't seem to decide where to put his hands. They glide all over, stopping to squeeze my ass, pull a thigh up, cup a breast. One makes its way to the waistband of my sweats, a single finger dipping inside, making my stomach muscles jump in anticipation. The hollow ache I've been feeling between my legs intensifies with the promise of being filled.

"Please," I whisper.

"Anything." His whole hand dives in, straight under my panties. No messing around. His thumb, rough from hard work, finds my clit easily, pressing and circling as one long finger slides inside me at the same time. My head tips back, and his hot mouth is against my neck instantly.

I'm breathless. On fire.

_This. Man._

My fingers grip at the back of his neck, holding on for dear life when a second finger stretches me. "_Fuck_, you're tight," he murmurs into the skin just below my ear as his hips surge forward, rubbing his hard-on against my stomach. Edward's thumb moves against me perfectly while his fingertips press on my G-spot. They don't rub. Just press and hold.

It's the sweetest brand of torture. Just on the verge of too much, and the tension builds inside me so fast, I let out a surprised and too-loud moan.

Edward's free hand covers my mouth, and his lips graze my ear as he whispers, "Shhh. I don't want anyone but me to see you like this—cheeks flushed, just about to come. You're fucking beautiful."

He pulls back, and his eyes burn in to mine. Panting against his hand, I try like hell to keep my eyes open and on his as the electric zaps of pleasure assault me. My head presses harder into the cool surface of the refrigerator as my orgasm barrels down on me. And when Edward suddenly curls those fingers inside, dragging them against that spot in just the right way, it's all over for me.

My eyes squeeze shut, and a scream, thankfully muffled by his hand, leaves my mouth.

"Shit, Bella," Edward says, dropping his hand from my face and breathing heavily with his lips against my hairline. "So fucking sexy."

With no fanfare, he removes his hand from my pants and sucks the two fingers that were inside me into his mouth, closing his eyes and groaning at the taste.

My pussy clenches hard at the sight, the aftershock almost as strong as the orgasm I just had. Watching his wet fingers slide out of his mouth, I lean on the fridge, my legs barely holding me up. "Do…" I swallow thickly and lick my lips. "Do you have anywhere to be today?" My words are breathy and laced with the desperation I feel to keep him here with me just a little while longer.

With a lazy smirk, he strokes my cheek with his knuckles. "Yeah."

Disappointed, my heart sinks, and I drop my gaze to our feet. We're so close, one of his large socked feet is between mine.

Edward's thumb and forefinger grasp my chin, tilting my face back up to him, and hope sparks in my chest at the glint in his eyes. "Right here," he says with a sexy smile. "With you."

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**So, yeah. By silliness, I meant smuttiness. :D Still with me?**

**Thank you for reading! xoxo**


	4. Still Waters

**You guys have seriously blown me away with the love for this story! I can't thank you enough. I wish so much that I had time to reply to everyone. **

**Thanks for being so patient! I haven't had a lot of time to write lately, and then PlowWard wanted to be difficult when I did.**

**Big thanks to Twilly and Sophiacorgi for their help with this!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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**Chapter 4 - Still Waters**

Back in my room alone, I frantically pick up the clothes and shoes strewn all over. Everything gets tossed into my closet, and I straighten up my bed… even though I'm kind of hoping it'll just get messed up again.

Seriously. It's been _years _since I've had an orgasm that good. I've been so busy with college and everything, I've barely had a social life. And if Edward can do that with just one hand… A shiver skitters down my spine as I scan the room one more time. A shoe sticking out from under my bed joins the closet pile, and I open my door, smiling up at Edward. He's leaning against the wall right outside my room, one foot propped up behind him. Pushing off to face me, he stares down at me with intense green eyes.

Normally, I'd be creeped out by a guy staring at me this way, but _his_ eyes… I _want_ them on me. Everywhere.

One corner of his mouth lifts as I keep smiling softly at him. In my next breath, his hands thread through the back of my hair, and his lips mold to mine as he walks me backward and kicks the door closed with his foot. His scruff is just long enough to not stab me as we make out like we probably would have if we'd dated back in high school.

Edward's tongue slides against mine, flicking and teasing when we take breaths. When my hand presses hard against his erection, his teeth sink in to my bottom lip, pulling a desperate groan from me. His hands wrap around my wrists, though, when I move to unbutton his jeans. "You don't have to," he pants.

"But I want to," I reply against his lips, continuing to taste him. He tastes like our breakfast—salty-sweet, delicious.

"We can slow down and… talk." Edward's body presses mine against the wall, contradicting his words with the way he grinds against me and owns my mouth.

"Yeah," I breathe. "Talk." Both of my hands grip his firm ass and press him harder into me, and he moans against my chin, kissing his way across my jaw and down my throat. His hand pulls at the neckline of my shirt until my shoulder is exposed, and his lips keep moving across my skin, teeth nipping at my bra strap.

He's turned me into one big, quivering pile of need. It doesn't matter that not ten minutes ago, I came harder than I have in a long time.

I want more.

Hooking my arms around his solid neck, I try lifting my leg to his hip, but he's just _so_ tall. On my second attempt, Edward catches on and grasps behind my knee.

"Is this you climbing me like a tree?" He chuckles, and I gasp.

"Dammit. You heard that?"

"Of course I did." He laughs again.

Narrowing my eyes, I mock-scowl at him, but I can't hold it for long, smiling and laughing through my nose. He looks so happy. Glancing at my leg in his hand, I shrug. "I guess my climbing skills kind of suck."

"Nah. Here." Bending down, he wraps his hand around my other thigh and hoists me up, moving forward again and pinning me to the wall. "Is this what you had in mind?"

I nod. "Mmhmm." Thankful I won't get a crick in my neck now that our faces are pretty much level, I press my lips back to his. "I think I'm addicted to your mouth," I murmur against it.

The hard line of him presses into my soft flesh through my sweats, and I rock my hips against him as he thrusts forward. With his large hands molded to my ass, we soon find a rhythm that elicits frequent moans from me and _yeah_s and _ah, fuck_s from him.

My hands pull at the short strands of his auburn hair as I get closer to my release, and he sucks on the skin of my throat, pushing and grinding against me. Still sensitive from my first orgasm, my second one peaks more quickly than I'm used to. My hips push and push at him, creating more pressure and friction until I explode, stifling my loud moan in the collar of his plaid shirt.

"Fuck," he says, carrying me over to the bed. He lies on top of me and gives a few more hard thrusts, sending zaps of electricity through my body.

"Oh, _God_. Edward."

"I'll be right back," he rushes out, and then he's off me in a flash, high-tailing it into my bathroom.

_Shit._ I didn't clean up in there.

Propping myself up on my elbows, I do my best to catch my breath. My mouth is horribly dry from breathing through it so hard, so I run to the kitchen and fill two glasses with water, guzzling and refilling one.

Edward emerges from the bathroom just as I walk back into my room, and I stop short at the sight of him. He's taken his plaid button-down off and is left in only a short-sleeved, white t-shirt. And dear _God_, the muscles. I could tell he was well-built, but seeing his arms in the flesh makes my mouth water and hang open. I can also see his sculpted chest and abs pretty clearly through the thin white material, and I'm having a very hard time believing this is the same skinny guy I knew in high school.

When he notices me, he reaches a hand out for one of the water glasses, and I snap my mouth shut and hand it over, noticing a tattoo running the length of the inside of his forearm—a quote or passage of some sort. Glancing quickly at his other arm, I notice more words there in elegant black script, but I can't make them out.

"Thanks," he says after taking a big gulp. "I didn't wanna… uh… y'know." He gestures to the front of his jeans, pulling my gaze there immediately. I lick my lips, and he groans. "Jesus, woman. Give me a little time." He laughs. "You're messy, by the way."

Ducking my head, I sip my water as my cheeks heat up. "Yeah, well. I don't usually have a lot of free time between work and school. Picking everything up seems less important when I rarely have anyone in my space."

"Well, that answers that question," he says after finishing off his glass. "I was sure as hell hoping you were single, considering…"

My laugh is incredulous. "Wow. Well, I guess I should ask you the same." I just assumed, but if he's not, I'm going to have to kick him out, and I _really_ don't want to do that.

Edward's hand palms the back of his neck, and a nervous tingle rushes down mine. "I do have a girl in my life." He looks up at me and winks, almost alleviating my fear. "She's blonde, with brown eyes almost as pretty as yours, about as loyal as they come, and her favorite treat is peanut butter." He smiles at me as I raise an eyebrow. "I rescued her from a shelter when she was on her last day before they were gonna put her down."

My scrutinizing look melts into one of awe and, well… _awwww. _"That's so sweet, Edward. She must be so grateful to you." My gaze drops to my feet. "That probably sounds silly, but my dad had a couple of shelter dogs, and they were so awesome. They really seemed thankful for the life he gave them."

His smile is sweet and warms me from the inside out. "No. It doesn't sound silly at all. That's exactly how she is. She's an amazing dog."

Looking back up at him, I smile. "What's her name?"

"Bree." Edward sets his empty glass down and sits on the end of my bed. He looks good there. I could just push him back and… "What are you in school for?"

Sitting down beside him, I pull my knees up and rest my chin on them. It's the only way I'm going to be able to resist straddling him and doing more dirty things to him. "I'm getting my master's in chemistry."

"Wow." His eyes cut to me. "That's… incredible, Bella. I always knew you were smart, but… wow."

My cheeks heat at his compliment. I guess he would know I was my class's salutatorian. "What about you? What did you do after graduation?"

A dark look passes over his face. "I enlisted."

"You… _Oh._" I hug my knees tighter. "Which branch?"

"Army."

I guess that explains the muscles. Clearing my throat, I ask, "Were you deployed?"

He nods, looking down at his hands. "Yeah. Twice to Afghanistan for year-long deployments. Got injured by a roadside bomb. Punctured my right lung," he says, gesturing to what must be a scar under his shirt, "and ended up with some nerve damage to boot."

"Oh, shit, Edward. I'm so sorry."

He shrugs. "I made it out alive. Thankful for that."

Nodding, I move to place my hand on the back of his neck, sliding it over his broad shoulder, making my head rest against him. He rests his head on top of mine, and I murmur, "I'm thankful for that, too."

We stay like that for several minutes, neither of us speaking, each lost in our own thoughts. It's hard to imagine the boy I knew from high school having to shoot at people. Although I didn't know him well, I always thought he seemed so sweet—quiet and pretty shy. Not that that means he couldn't be a soldier. It's just hard to wrap my head around.

My hand squeezes his shoulder. "Did you always want to join the army?"

His short, derisive laugh surprises me, and he shakes his head. "Not exactly."

My eyebrows furrow. "Then, wh—"

Edward heaves a long sigh. "Look, do you mind if we don't talk about this? It's depressing, and I just want to have fun with you today."

"Oh, um." My hand falls away from him, and I sit up straight. "Sure. I'm sorry. I've always been pretty inquisitive, I guess." While that's true, it's really that I just want to know everything about him. The saying, 'still waters run deep,' comes to mind regarding Edward. I can tell there's a lot there to uncover. And I find myself wanting to be the one to do it. "How about a movie?"

He nods, eyes on his hands in his lap.

Moving to my DVD shelves, I run my finger along the cases until I find the one I want. Holding it up, I ask, "_Indian Summer_?"

Relief relaxes my body as Edward's eyes shoot up, and he grins. "Perfect."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**

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	5. Chemical

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**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Chemical**

Sighing, I rest my back against Edward's chest as he leans against my headboard. "This movie makes me miss summer camp so much. Did you ever go?"

"Ha. No."

He makes it sound like such a preposterous question, which I don't understand. "Why not?"

"You _are_… What's the word you used? Inquisitive?"

I playfully slap the arm around my waist. "Okay, so maybe I'm just nosy."

He squeezes me. "It's okay. I'd just rather talk about you."

It's dark in my room, only weak gray light filtering in through the blinds. In the low light cast by the TV, I look down at the forearm resting against me. "May I?" I ask, turning it so I can read the tattoo.

"I have a better idea," Edward says, shifting me forward and getting out from behind me. He turns me to face him and kisses my pout as he crawls over me with determined eyes, making me lie flat underneath him. "You've seen this movie before, right?"

My nod is slow, and he leans down to kiss me again. It's slow, too—leisurely. He takes his time sucking my bottom lip into his mouth and releasing it, scraping his teeth across it lightly. Surrendering with a shaky whimper, I open my legs to him, and he settles in, grinding down on me once, nice and slow.

I want to look at him, at the deep green of his eyes, the sharp angles of his face, but I can't keep my eyes open. Everything feels way too good. "Are you trying to distract me from asking you more questions?" I ask, my voice already embarrassingly breathy.

"That depends. Is it working?" His lips graze the skin of my neck as he speaks.

He ruts against me hard, and I moan out a _yes_.

"I need to taste you," he whispers into my ear.

"Oh, God." I cover my face with my hands as Edward moves down and begins to push my shirt up, laying light kisses on my stomach. My brain is telling me I should stop this. We've known each other a long time, but we don't _truly_ know each other. I'm not sure how to _get_ to know him, though, if he doesn't actually want to talk about himself.

His tongue flicks at my belly button, and my stomach contracts with a shudder.

"Arms up," he says.

Confused, I move my hands to see him gripping the hem of my t-shirt. "Oh." I comply with his quiet demand, and my shirt is gone, my brain obviously overruled by lust for this beautiful, rugged man. My bra clasp is conveniently in the front, and Edward wastes no time exposing my breasts to him, his mouth latching on to one of them almost immediately. The weight of his torso presses me into the mattress, and I run my hands over his broad shoulders as he sucks and licks one nipple, tugging on the other one with his fingers, making me arch up into him with a groan.

"That's it," he murmurs against my skin. "Don't think. Just feel." He follows that up with a lick straight up between my breasts, moving up to kiss my lips and thrust against me again. "Feel what you do to me."

Fuck, he's _so_ hard.

Moving against me several more times, he sucks at my neck, specifically the skin just behind my ear. I press my hips up into him on every thrust, but he doesn't linger there for long. Before I realize what's happening, he's traveled back down my body and pulled my pants down and off.

"You okay?" he asks with his fingers hooked around the sides of my panties.

Propping myself up on my elbows, I look down at him. Edward lifts one eyebrow and smirks at me, licking his lips and letting his tongue linger on the plumper bottom one. I let my teeth sink into mine and nod, my breath speeding in anticipation as he watches the slow slide of my underwear down my legs. Dropping them onto the floor, he brings his eyes back to mine, and they pierce right through me. The physical reaction my body experiences every time our eyes connect shocks me. It's downright chemical. Visceral. Powerful.

I can't help but wonder if he feels it too.

Dropping back down to lie flat, I release a heavy breath as Edward's large hands come down on my thighs, sliding up and wrapping around my hips. He moves me right where he wants me and then brings his hands back down, pushing them between my thighs and spreading me open for him.

There's no slow lick up my center, no teasing flicks of his tongue, no kitten licks like I'm used to that do almost nothing for me. He _devours_ me like he's starving, and I'm his last meal. My hips buck at his face, and I don't know how he stays latched on to me the way he does, sucking and groaning. My body has never been worked over like this. It's on the verge of pain, but it's _so._ Very. Good.

Yanking at his hair, I smash my lips together to contain the screams trying to force their way out. Instead, strangled whimpers escape as my thighs clamp down on his head, my heels pressing into his shoulder blades.

When Edward completely stills and takes his mouth off of me, I look down at him, panting and a little pissed off that he's stopped. Green eyes full of mischief burn into mine, his smirk smug and cocky as all hell. If I'm being honest, it's warranted right now. Thirty seconds in, and I was already about to come. Still breathing heavily, I wait for his words as his lips part.

His fingers crawl up the insides of my thighs, which are still up around his head. "Keep these legs spread wide for me, Bella."

_Fuck. Me. _My gaze goes to the ceiling. I can't look at his raised eyebrow and messy hair, his full lips shiny with my arousal. I'll combust. And I need him to keep going. I _need_ him. So I drop my legs to the mattress and ignore his dark chuckle.

One warm hand splays out across my lower abdomen as his mouth comes back down on me. He doesn't build me back up to the edge slowly. I am right back where I was a moment ago, writhing and trying like hell to keep myself quiet. My thighs twitch and quiver with the effort to stay open for him.

Edward's beard is rough against my skin, but somehow it only adds to the intense pleasure. He moans against my flesh as he slides two long fingers into me and curls them toward my G-spot, at the same time pressing down with that hand on my belly. Shaking and babbling incoherently, I fall spectacularly over the edge into orgasmic bliss. Something like, "Ohmy_god_holyfuckshitgoddamnthat's_yes_holy_shit_fuck," spews out of my mouth before my body goes slack.

More sated than I've ever been in my life, I lie there and try to regulate my breathing, my eyes closed and my brain not even registering the fact that I should probably be embarrassed, all spread open and naked right now. I'm too busy enjoying the aftershocks rolling through me.

"Mm, fuck, that was sexy." Edward's voice is gravelly, and I glance down to see him staring hungrily at me, as if he didn't just consume me completely.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm useless right now." I try to lift an arm, and it flops lazily back to the bed.

He laughs softly. "Don't be sorry."

"Thank you," I breathe out. "For _so_ many things." Edward laughs again. Probably because I'm still panting a little. I feel like I just ran a 5k. Not that I've ever done that. I probably should. They're usually for charity. Oh, my God, brain. Shut up. Gorgeous man still between our legs. "I think you've rendered me stupid."

I still haven't really moved, so Edward scoots up to lie beside me, chuckling and leaning on his elbow. "Not possible." Beginning at the dip between my collarbones, he traces one finger down the middle of my body, through the light sheen of sweat that covers me. The movement helps me catch a couple words on his forearm: struggle and strength, and there's a small star at each end of the script.

Turning my head, I realize I can make out some of the other one as well with the way he's got his arm propped up. The small angel wings I catch sight of make it fairly obvious why he might not want to talk about that one in particular.

My eyes dip down to the very prominent bulge in his jeans and then shoot up to his intense green ones. Rolling toward him, I grip the back of his neck and crash my lips against his. Tasting myself on his tongue turns me on, and I moan into his mouth as his hand travels down my back, pressing me into him. Pushing him to his back, I give him what I hope is a sexy smile and start moving down his torso, lifting his shirt so I can appreciate the ridges and planes of his abs.

Edward's already given me three amazing orgasms today, and I want nothing more than to reciprocate, so I go for the top button on his jeans.

"As much as I _know_ I would enjoy whatever you have planned," he says, covering my hand, "I gotta stop you."

"But you're so hard," I whisper.

He twitches under my hand and groans. "I'm aware," he replies with a grunt as my hand presses into him a little harder. "But I need a shower. Worked hard this morning." He winks at me.

My blush is hot and spreads across my face quickly. "Oh." My gaze automatically drops, which makes it go right to the hard line of his dick, and my tongue sweeps over my bottom lip. "I just need to…" I look up to see his chest heaving as he watches me closely. Working the first button through its hole, I keep my eyes on his face, looking for signs of protest.

Finding nothing but want and anticipation in the way he stares at my hands and licks his lips, I push the second button through. He twitches again as I open the remaining three, and I run my hand over him through his underwear.

"You really don't have to, Bella," he says, panting as I squeeze him lightly through the fabric.

"Yeah… I really do." Smirking at him, I tug his jeans off, followed by his black boxer briefs, which he could easily model for a living. I reach over to my nightstand and pump a little warm vanilla sugar-scented lotion into my hand.

"Jesus, is that why you smell so fucking good?"

Smiling at him, I laugh through my nose and shrug. Edward lets out a long groan when I wrap my lotioned hand around him and slide it up and down his impressive length a few times. "Good?" He nods, growing impossibly harder in my hand, and it's taking all my willpower not to straddle him and take him inside me.

Continuing to pump him, I stretch out beside him and bring my lips to his. He grunts and growls into my mouth as my movements speed up, and I apply pressure around the sensitive head on every upstroke. Edward's hips thrust up into my hand, and the arm underneath me clamps around me, his hand grabbing a handful of my naked ass and squeezing. My hips undulate against him as he presses me hard against his side. This intense sexual need I seem to have for him is overwhelming. I need to see him reach his peak. I need to see what his face looks like when he comes.

I'm _craving_ it.

Sweat beads on his forehead, and his eyes clench shut. He's close. I begin twisting my hand and squeezing ever so slightly harder around him. Another sexy grunt leaves his mouth as his fingertips dig into the flesh of my ass. The pressure on my clit against his hip sends me into yet another orgasm. Our simultaneous moans mingle together, and I keep my eyes on his face during the last few erratic thrusts of his hips before he releases hot streams onto my hand and his belly.

Edward's clenched jaw slowly relaxes, and his Adam's apple bobs on a hard swallow before he licks his dry lips. "Fuck," he breathes out. His eyes stay closed as his free hand flops onto his chest, the other one releasing its firm hold on me.

"Yeah," I agree on an exhale. As I lie there beside him, it occurs to me, not for the first time today, that we should be talking about what's happening between us. It's certainly not like me to just hole up in my room and get down and dirty with a man all day—especially one I'm not exclusively dating. But I can't seem to get the words I need to come out of my mouth to ask him what this is. I know I want to see him again after today, and I assume he'll want to see me again with the way he's talked about wanting me for so long. What I know of him tells me he's a good person, but not explicitly knowing his intentions scares me a little. Why can't I just come out and ask him?

Not wanting to burst the bubble just yet, in case he says what I don't want to hear, I push it aside again and hope the conversation will happen naturally at some point.

Leaving him to catch his breath, I go into my bathroom and wash my hands, wetting a towel for him. "Did you want to use my shower?" I ask as he wipes his stomach off.

"Actually, I'm pretty beat. How does a nap sound?"

Feeling thoroughly relaxed from all of our activities and never one to turn down the leisure of taking a nap, I tell him it sounds perfect.

Edward tugs his boxer briefs back on but leaves his jeans on the floor. "Here." He grasps his t-shirt at the back of his neck and pulls it off, fitting it over my head for me.

Smiling softly to myself, I push my arms through the giant sleeves and tug it down over my thighs.

"Looks good on you." His grin makes my cheeks heat, but not out of embarrassment. He's just seen me completely naked, after all. It's just that wearing his t-shirt gives me all the girly romantic feelings, and maybe it's silly, but it feels like he might want to see me in his clothes all the time.

Spotting another tattoo on his upper arm that was previously covered by his sleeve, I snap out of my thoughts and reach up to turn him so I can see it better.

I raise my eyebrows at him. "What is _this_?"

"Oh," he says, eyes widening and quickly covering the top of his arm with his huge hand.

"Nuh-uh." I try to pry his fingers off the pin-up girl inked onto his arm, but it's no use. I drop my arms with a huff. "Oh, come on. I already saw it."

"Fine," he grumbles, dropping his hand. "In my defense, I was drunk. And it was a camaraderie thing, okay?"

"A camaraderie thing?"

"Well, all the guys on my squad got one."

"She kind of…" I squint my eyes and tilt my head. "...looks like me." My eyes go wide, focusing back on his face as my eyebrows climb my forehead.

Edward heaves a big sigh. "Look, it's not… _you_... exactly. But ever since high school and my crush on you, I've realized I'm more attracted to your… type. I guess. I told the guy I wanted her to have dark eyes and dark hair." His gaze drops to my mouth. "Plump lips." He looks me in the eye then and drags his thumb heavily across my bottom lip, pushing the flesh to the side. My breath gusts over his hand, and I'm caught in his gaze, a helpless bug in his web. "Is that creepy?"

The question pulls me out of my daze, and I cock my head to the side, pursing my lips. "Uh… maybe. A little." I shrug. "But I think I'm cool with it. And besides… she's pretty freakin' hot."

Edward laughs, but I'm not kidding. She has on the skimpiest army fatigues known to man and is, of course, in a seductive pose, her tits and ass on display nicely.

He palms the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, our platoon leader didn't think so. He said they were offensive to the female soldiers." He shrugs. "But they were covered, so it's not like they saw them."

Nodding, I trace over the pin-up's legs, watching goosebumps pop up on Edward's skin. "Well, he may have had a point. You might not have appreciated seeing a fellow soldier with a tattoo of a muscled-up guy in a camouflage speedo or something." I giggle at the image, and he groans, dragging a hand down his face.

"Okay, time for sleep."

After turning the TV off, we settle in, and he lets me snuggle close to him and tuck my freezing feet between his calves. I get a soft, bristly kiss on my forehead, and that's the last thing I remember before drifting off, more relaxed than I can ever remember being.

* * *

I love taking naps when I can squeeze one in, but I'm always disoriented when I first wake up. Starfishing out across my bed, I grumble to myself about how much I don't want to get up and go to work. But as my mind wakes up and the memories of the day flood in, I quickly catch up to the situation. My eyes dart around the room, glancing up at each of my arms spread wide, making it clear that there's no one else in the bed with me.

Bolting upright, I scan the room, looking for signs that Edward's still here. His jeans, which were rumpled on the floor, are gone. Rushing into the bathroom, I check the hook where he'd hung his plaid shirt.

Gone.

"No, no, no, no, no," I mutter to myself, stepping back into my room. I spot a folded piece of white paper on my nightstand, and my heart leaps with hope.

_B,_

_Got a text from my boss and have to go. I didn't want to wake you. You're so damn beautiful, Bella. Perfect._

_Thank you for breakfast and for what has been, without a doubt, the best day of my life. _

_I'll never forget it._

_~E_

Coming to the bottom of the note, I flip it over and back. Twice. My heart loses any buoyancy it had, dropping like a dead weight as I realize he left me no way to contact him.

Edward doesn't want to see me again.

Feeling used and hurt, I clutch at his t-shirt, which is still hanging off my frame, swallowing me up in him. Anger burns hot through my limbs, and I wrench it off of me, throwing it across the room and crawling back into bed naked.

I burrow under the covers and try to find my dignity there as a few tears leak out of my eyes. But the vivid memories of his touch don't feel wrong like I think they should. I'd never felt more alive in my whole life than I did when he was touching me.

Screw this shit. Screw feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing but wallow. If he truly doesn't want to see me again, he's going to have to say those words to my face, because I find it awfully hard to believe he didn't feel what I felt.

Up and out of bed again before I can think twice about it, I throw Edward's t-shirt back on and fling open my door, taking determined steps toward the kitchen.

Angela is standing next to the stove in flannel pajamas, stirring a pot of soup. I walk right up to her and let her wide brown eyes take in my appearance, which is obviously disheveled, to say the least. "You're still here? What happened?" Her eyebrows furrow. "Are you all right? Whose shirt is that?"

"Angela! Focus." I point to my eyes. "I need your help."

"Okay," she says, her face serious.

"Okay," I breathe out. "First thing's first. Do we have a phone book?"

* * *

**Hopefully this longer (relatively speaking) chapter made up a little bit for the wait. Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	6. Lobotomy

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* * *

**Previously:** "Angela! Focus." I point to my eyes. "I need your help."

"Okay," she says, her face serious.

"Okay," I breathe out. "First thing's first. Do we have a phone book?"

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Lobotomy**

_"Uh… no," Angela had said in response to my request for a phone book. "We always recycle them." _

_"Well, _shit_."_

_"Is your laptop broken or something? Just look whatever it is up online."_

_"Oh! Dur." I'd kissed her on the cheek, stunning her, before rushing back to my room, my laptop open and whirring to life seconds later. _

_I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had to look up someone's phone number. I've always just had a person's cell number if I needed to contact them. But after checking the white pages and any other site I could think of that might list personal phone numbers, I'd come up empty._

_Unlisted._

_Of course. _

_I'd flopped back on my bed, defeated._

Now, thirty minutes and a shower later, I'm back online with newfound determination, looking to see who a snow plow operator would work for. It looks like the Missouri Department of Transportation is my best bet.

"Mo-DOT, Kansas City. Alice speaking."

"Um. Hi. How, uh…" Shit, I hate it when I don't figure out what I want to say before the call connects. "Sorry. Is there a way to reach one of your snow plow drivers?"

She pops her gum. "I can take a message or transfer you to dispatch. They'll most likely just take a message, same as me, though."

Puffing out my cheeks, I blow out a breath. "Okay. I'll leave a message, I guess." After giving her my contact information, I can do nothing but wait. I'm not holding out much hope, though, if I can't talk to him directly. If he purposely didn't leave me his number, there's no reason to think he'll return my call.

Snatching up his note from beside me, I read back over it again, just to see if I misinterpreted it somehow. But the "_I'll never forget it_" part sends a pretty fucking clear message if you ask me. It's something you say after you've done something once-in-a-lifetime, like skydiving or meeting your celebrity crush, not something you're planning to do again later that day or even sometime in the near future.

Not that I'd compare spending the day with me to skydiving or meeting a celebrity crush, but for me, it was without a doubt just as exhilarating as I imagine those events would be.

Apparently not so much for him.

"Ugh. _Asshole_." I slam my laptop closed and push it off my legs, haphazardly tossing his fuck-and-duck note or whatever the hell it is onto my nightstand where I originally found it. My day off work that seemed to stretch gloriously before me now holds nothing but trying to pass the time, waiting for something that may never come.

Pissed off doesn't even begin to cover how I'm feeling. Hurt, disbelief, anger, loneliness—they all jumble together inside me and create the perfect storm for an utterly shit-tastic mood to settle over me.

The loneliness might be the worst of them all. I haven't minded not having a boyfriend for the last couple years, being so busy with work and school. I have some amazing friends, and I just haven't let being single really bother me. The way Edward stormed right into my life and then left just as abruptly, though, seems to have brought the feeling front and center.

"_Tall, sexy jerk._"

With a resigned sigh, I open my laptop again and start going over my notes for the exam I have on Friday, wondering how on Earth I could have misread Edward so entirely.

* * *

As the hours and then days tick by, I slowly let the sliver of hope that had been glimmering inside me die. He didn't come back that day, and he hasn't called or texted.

Nothing.

There's been no snow to plow either.

Stupid, inconsistent mid-west weather.

My mind is relentless as it replays every moment Edward and I spent together on a seemingly endless loop—the way his eyes crinkled in the corners when he laughed, the way his soft lips felt against mine, surrounded by bristly whiskers, the way he touched me like I was his most prized possession.

"_Dammit_."

"That's the third time you've over-steamed the milk this morning, B. You okay?" My busybody co-worker, Maggie, looks at me with concerned eyes, which I appreciate. Sort of. But there's no way in hell I'm talking about this. Especially not with her. She's nice, but she can't keep her mouth shut to save her life, and I don't need everyone and their brother knowing my business.

"Yeah," I mumble. "Sorry." After dumping the milk, I refill the small metal pitcher and start steaming again.

The scowl on my face feels permanent.

My tips are dwindling.

I need a lobotomy.

I want Edward Masen and the few incredible hours I spent with him out of my head. Right. The fuck. Now.

* * *

On Friday, I get my head in the game and do well on my exam. I will not let some guy, no matter how amazing I thought he was, interfere with my education. I have worked too damn hard to get where I am.

When my alarm goes off at 5AM on Saturday, I curse it like usual and trudge to the shower, so ready for this God-forsaken week to be over.

The snow on the front step that's appeared overnight mocks me, and I sneer at it. I've been doing my best to forget about Edward, and now I'm convinced this winter's determined to fuck me over even though this is the first snow we've had since that fateful day.

"Mother-effing stupid-ass snow." I kick at it like a toddler and almost fall on my ass.

The rev of the truck engine reaches my ears as soon as I finish locking up, sending my heart into overdrive.

I want it to be him.

_No, I don't._

I do.

_I don't._

Do.

_Don't._

My car's not in the street this time, and the decidedly _not_ red plow truck drives right on by. The only mountain of snow I have to contend with is the one at the end of my driveway. Huffing and puffing, I shovel as much as I need to to get my car out, wishing I was inside making breakfast while someone else—read: a certain big burly man—did this for me. And then I curse myself for being weak.

I will not let a man do this to me. I'm not going to be that girl, the one who sits around and pines for someone who doesn't want her.

But each morning I wake up to snow on the ground, my heart races a bit at the prospect of Edward being the one to drive up my street, pushing the white powder aside. And then I remember how he pushed _me_ aside, and each morning I don't see his truck, the walls around my heart thicken just a little bit more.

* * *

A month goes by. Valentine's Day kicks me right in the teeth this year, and I'm not strong enough to not pull out the note I saved from high school. The one I recently found out came from Edward.

_If you were mine, I'd tell you every single day how beautiful you are, inside and out. Happy Valentine's Day, Bella._

I pretend the tears are because of the sappy movie I have on the TV that I'm not actually watching, and when my roommates leave for their dates, I plaster on my best fake smile and tell them to have an amazing time.

The following morning, Jess and Angela bring me breakfast in bed, complete with a mimosa and strawberry, chocolate chip pancakes.

They give me the requisite best-friend phrases, like, "He doesn't deserve you," and, "It's his loss," because they know my puffy eyes mean I'm still thinking about him.

Thinking's not the same as pining.

It's _not_.

That night, they take me out to our favorite dive bar, and for just a little while, I forget about the quiet, shy boy from high school, who'd written me the most meaningful note I've ever received. The boy who turned into a confident, sexy man, who burned me with his touch and wrote me another note that, much like the first, left me with nothing but questions.

* * *

Two days later, there's more _fucking_ snow on the ground, and I'm sick to death of this winter. "Go home, February. You're drunk," I mutter to myself.

The plow hasn't been down our street, and my heart rate picks up just like it does every time I see the undisturbed snow resting on the asphalt. I hurry as much as I'm able through the slush to my car and start the engine, getting back out to scrape as much snow and ice off as I can, wanting to leave as quickly as possible.

I'm not quite fast enough, though, because the tell-tale rumble reaches my ears.

"It's not him. It's not him. It's not him."

But the prickling of my skin beneath my layers of warm clothing suggests otherwise.

Looking up from my task, I see red. Literally and figuratively. It's his red truck, the one with the passenger's side mirror missing. Even without that, I'd know. I can feel his eyes on me.

The sun isn't up yet, and I can't quite see his eyes in the dim light cast by the street lamps. But I can see that his face is angled toward me as he rolls by at an agonizingly slow pace, the blade of his plow scraping along the asphalt, ruining the perfect white blanket of snow.

My anger boils over, and much like that day over a month ago, the ice scraper in my hand goes flying before I can think better of it. Only this time, I don't want to miss.

But of course I _do_.

No new dings added to his truck, no reason for him to stop and get out.

It pisses me off that much more, and I drop my face into my gloved hands, feeling pathetic and trying to will the tears away that threaten to spill.

I'm not sure how long I stand there, freezing my ass off, but it's obvious he's gone by the silence that's settled around me once again.

I give myself an internal pep talk before lifting my face out of my hands and taking a deep breath of crisp air.

Turning, the steam from my heavy breath clouds my vision for a second. But then I see him.

Edward's standing at the end of my driveway, clutching my makeshift missile once again, except this time, there's no anger on his face. Only trepidation and anxiety.

Cocking my head at him, I consider what he has to be anxious about. If he thinks I might knee him in the balls, well… He might be right.

Edward clears his throat and takes two small steps forward, stretching his arm out toward me like he did that day, only we're still a good fifteen feet apart. "I believe this belongs to you."

* * *

**I'll do my absolute best not to leave you hanging here too long. Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	7. Falling

**You guys continue to rock my world with your awesome reviews, and I will never be able to thank you enough. Cupcakes and bewb gropes all around!**

**Mega-thanks to Twilly and Sophiacorgi for helping me so much with this chapter. I originally wrote an EPOV chapter, but we decided it wasn't right for the story at this point, so it was back to the drawing board. I plan to post it as an outtake later on, though.**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

**Chapter 6 was posted just a couple days ago, so if you haven't read it, make sure to before this one. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Falling**

"I believe this belongs to you."

_Blink._

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

_Blink._

My lips part in preparation to speak, but I can't think of a single thing to say. Instead, I stare, and my lungs feel as though they're going to burst from how heavily I'm breathing. Anger crawls all over my body, fiery and intense. There's also that thin, annoying layer of desire underneath it, and that just ticks me off even more.

Standing there, facing him, I realize I had finally resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't see him again. I try again to blink the illusion away, but there he remains, steam billowing from his mouth, arm outstretched, his truck parked at the curb.

Finally, I snap my mouth shut and spit out, "Keep it," through gritted teeth before sliding into my car. I feel my resolve weaken a tiny bit when I see the hurt cross his beautiful face through my rearview mirror. "Keep it together, Swan." I make quick work of my seatbelt and then throw the car into reverse.

Expecting him to get out of the way upon seeing the reverse lights, I start easing back. But he's still there. In that same damn spot, frozen like a statue. For a split-second, I wonder if he actually did freeze, and then I shake my head at myself and roll my window down about halfway to yell, "_Move._"

"_No_," he shouts back, decidedly not frozen. "Not until you talk to me."

The nerve… "Why _should_ I?" My brain briefly entertains the thought of running him over, but since I'm not crazy, the thought disappears the same way most fleeting, irrational thoughts do, and I keep my foot planted firmly on the brake pedal.

"Because I'm sorry!"

It's loud and heartfelt, but… "Not good enough. Now, _move_."

I ease back some more, pressing the brake again, waiting for him to take the hint. But before he can get out of the way, the tires slip on the incline of the driveway, and I hear a grunt through my still-open window.

"No, no, no, no, no." I did NOT just hit Edward Masen with my car. Skidding to a stop, I pray I haven't seriously injured him. No matter how big of an asshole he is, my goal was not to maim him.

A knee to the balls was as far as I would've taken it. Highly painful but temporary.

The guilt hits me hard because of my errant thought of running him over, but I didn't feel the tires actually run over anything, so it can't be that bad. Right?

Once I get free of my seatbelt and get out, though, my heart gives a forceful thump against my ribs. He's sprawled out in the snow like he's about to make a snow angel on my driveway.

"Shit, Edward. Are you all right?"

"I can't believe you hit me," he mutters, unmoving.

"It was an accident." I wring my hands together. "The car slid. I'm sorry."

"I mean, I knew you'd be pissed at me," he continues, not acknowledging what I said, "but I never expected you to mow me down with your car."

Maybe he's not trying to crack a joke, but that's how it comes across to me, and I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest."That is _not_ what happened. Now, are you going to tell me whether or not you're hurt? You're kind of throwing a wrench into my plan never to speak to you again."

I'm not a total bitch. I swear. He's started moving his limbs, so I know he didn't break any of those. The snow should have cushioned his head, and he lifted it up once to look at me, so I know his neck's okay. What else is there?

"I'm pretty sure you broke my ass," he all but whines.

I cock an eyebrow at him as he shimmies around a bit. The groan of pain that leaves his mouth when he tries to get up, though, makes me spring into action on instinct. Helping him to his feet puts me a whole lot closer to him than I want to be right now, and he looks down at me once he's standing. His arm rests heavily around my shoulders, and from the outside, I imagine we look every bit a couple in love. "Bella…"

At the sound of my name rolling off his tongue, I find my eyes drawn up to his face.

Fuck, he's pretty.

Locking that shit down and turning away from his pleading eyes, I help him walk to my car. "Not now. Let's get you to the hospital, just in case."

He tries to sit in the front seat, but it's too painful, so he does his best to lie down in the back. He's folded up like a lawn chair, but he says it's better than sitting on his "busted ass".

"Is there anyone you want me to call to meet you there? Your parents?"

"Uh, no. No parents. Here." Edward fishes his cell phone out of his jeans and hands it to me between the front seats. "Can you call Jasper please?"

"Sure."

My anger spikes again upon looking at his phone in my hand. I'd briefly entertained the thought that he didn't own a phone and therefore couldn't leave a number. Irrational, I know, but I was grasping at straws at that point. The evidence that he does, in fact, have a phone stares back at me from the palm of my hand, and I open my mouth to say something. But now isn't the time.

Scrolling through his contacts, I come to Jasper and hit send.

"Wait. Your hands aren't broken. Here." I thrust the phone back at him, not wanting to talk to his friend and possibly entrench myself any more into his life.

"Right," he mutters. A muffled voice comes through the speaker. "Hey, man," Edward responds. "Yeah. I had an accident. No, the truck's fine. I, uh… fell." This makes me look back at him, and he stares right into my eyes. I squeeze mine shut against the forest green of his before shifting the car into reverse. "I was at Bella's," he says quietly through gritted teeth. "Stop laughing. Asshole. No. Yeah, she's driving me. Okay. Thanks."

Evidently this Jasper person knows who I am. I'm not sure what to make of that.

At the hospital, I wait in stony silence for a freaking eternity for Edward to be seen by someone. Since he isn't bleeding, he's not high priority. He tries to catch my eye and sometimes speak to me, but I'm just not ready. I'm not sure if or when I _will_ be, but it's most definitely not right here and now, in the waiting room of the ER. My guilt keeps my butt planted firmly next to him, though. He's found a bench to lie down on and fiddles with his phone for the most part. His coat cushions his head, and his navy blue henley molds to his ripped body in the most irritating way.

Catching sight of a few texts between him and someone named Alice makes my chest tight, but he must notice something cross my face because he quickly tells me it's Jasper's wife.

A memory floats to the surface, and before I can catch the words, they tumble out of my mouth. "Does she work for Mo-DOT?"

Edward's face flushes red, and I know he knows what I'm wondering. "Yes."

"I see."

It helped a miniscule amount to think all along that maybe he didn't get my message. Maybe he didn't think I tried to contact him. Like, the size of an atom small, but it was still there in the back of my mind.

Now that I know he got it and still ignored me, it's taking all my restraint not to knock him off the bench.

Sighing, I figure I've done enough damage and choose instead to cross my arms and angle myself away from him.

Edward clears his throat. "Jasper's on his way now. Sorry. He was on a route because one of the guys called in sick."

"Okay."

"Edward?" a nurse in hot pink scrubs calls out.

For the first time in a while, I'm thanking God it's winter. At least Edward can't touch my bare skin as I help him up and over to the double doors. I'm positive I couldn't handle that right now.

"Can you make it from here?" I ask him at the threshold.

"You're leaving?"

"I'm…" I blow out a breath. His eyes plead with me to stay. This guy's been stationed in Afghanistan, and he's afraid of hospitals? "I guess I can stay until your friend gets here."

"Thank you."

Nodding, I keep letting him lean on me a bit as he walks stiffly down the corridor.

We end up in a curtained-off room, and he has to lie on his side, choosing to face me while the nurse checks him over and takes his vitals.

Where the motherfuck is this Jasper dude?

"Were you heading to work?" Edward asks once the nurse leaves.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." It's not really. I need the money. "I found someone to cover me."

Silence descends over us again, but he won't look away from me.

My mind plays flashes of those eyes burning into mine as he made my body vibrate with pleasure. "Can you please stop that?"

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I know he means for a lot more than just looking at me, but he's hurt me too much.

"Still not enough."

"I know. I—"

"Mr. Masen?" the doctor interrupts, moving the curtain aside. I'm both relieved and have the urge to push him back out and find out what Edward was about to say. "How are we feeling?"

"Not great," Edward mumbles, and cold guilt washes over me again, making my skin prickle.

"Mr. Masen?" a nurse echoes a second later. "There's a Jasper Whitlock here. Says he's your life partner?"

Edward coughs to stifle a laugh and asks her to send him back.

"I should go."

"Please stay."

I eye him warily, wanting to hear what he has to say for himself, but at the same time, wanting to get the hell away from him and protect my wounded heart. He chips away at my resolve every time his deep green eyes connect with mine.

"Where are you having pain, Mr. Masen?"

Edward keeps his intense gaze on me until I ease back into the chair, the vulnerability I see there making my decision for me. He relaxes his shoulders and answers the doctor with a grimace. "Mostly in my ass."

"Ah. And I see that you fell backwards. Did you land in a sitting position?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And the pain is at a 7?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Mr. Masen. I'm going to check your neurological responses, and then I'm going to give you something for the pain and to relax you a bit. I'll need to do a rectal exam to assess the extent of the damage to your coccyx."

Curling both lips over my teeth, I press them together to keep from laughing at the way Edward's eyes widen and bulge out.

I know I shouldn't. He's in pain. But there's a part of me that feels like he deserves some pain and humiliation after what he's put me through.

Jasper also shows up at that exact moment and isn't as successful at containing his laughter.

"You can't just X-ray it?" Edward asks in a panic.

"I'm afraid it's not as accurate for this particular type of injury."

"Fuck," Edward mutters.

The doctor glances at Jasper, and I have to fight off another giggle. Edward's _life partner_ can't stop his guffaws, going so far as to bend at the waist and clutch his stomach. "You must be _loving_ this," he finally manages to say, looking directly at me.

He obviously knows about what happened between Edward and me, and I suddenly feel exposed and embarrassed.

Shaking it off, I decide to play along and hold up my thumb and forefinger about an inch apart, smirking at Jasper.

Edward's indignant. "It's _your_ fault I fell."

"You should've moved."

"You _hit me with your car_."

I scoff. "Barely."

"Whoa, whoa, wait," Jasper says. "You ran him over with your car?"

Okay, now the anger's back. "I _bumped_ him with my car when he wouldn't move his ass and the tires slid a little. It was a complete accident."

The doctor interrupts with a frown to perform his neurological tests on Edward, making him follow his finger with his eyes and so on. "I'll be back in a bit to check and see if the meds have kicked in."

Jasper plops down on the doctor's stool and slides over to me, sticking his hand out. "I'm Jasper, but you probably knew that."

"Bella." I shake his hand. "I'm certain you knew that."

He chuckles. "Look, I don't blame you for wanting to kill Eddie boy here." Edward clears his throat loudly and gives Jasper a hard glare. "But he's not all bad." He proceeds to make kissy faces at Edward, and I laugh despite myself.

"Alright, guys." I stand up from the chair and stretch my back. "I better run. Nice to meet you, Jasper. And… take care, Edward. I'm sorry you got hurt."

"Bella, please," Edward says. "I really need to talk to you."

Closing my eyes, I take a cleansing breath, feeling completely torn. I don't think he deserves a second chance after what he did, but my dad always said everyone deserves a second chance. My mom, rescue dogs, everyone.

"Can I talk to you outside for a second?" Jasper surprises me by asking.

"Jas," Edward warns. "Please don't make things worse."

"Don't worry, brother. I got this."

I give him a skeptical eyebrow raise but follow him out into the hallway regardless, not risking a glance back at Edward, lest I give in and snuggle up to him on the hospital bed.

"Look," he says, blue eyes serious for the first time this morning. "I know he fucked up."

"Understatement," I mutter.

"Yeah. And _he_ knows he fucked up. But he really is a good guy, Bella. He doesn't always believe he is, but he's one of the best guys I know. I don't usually get in the middle of people's business." He shakes his shaggy blond head. "My wife's the meddler. But hear the guy out. If he fucks it up again, by all means, run him down with your car again and give it a little gas this time." He winks and one corner of my mouth lifts.

He doesn't say anything else, but I must be one hell of a sucker for men and their pleading eyes because against my better judgment, I find myself pulling out an old receipt from my purse and scribbling my phone number on it. "Tell him to use that. I don't need another unexpected visit from him any time soon."

Jasper salutes me. "Got it."

It's a step. Whether it'll lead me right off a cliff and into more heartache or to a chance at something I got a brief taste of over a month ago… only time will tell.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	8. Bandaid

**You guys give me such an amazing gift by leaving me your thoughts, and I can never thank you enough. **

**Thank you so much to Sophiacorgi and Twilly for their invaluable help!  
**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes. (Some of you may notice I use 'lay' incorrectly in dialogue. Most people just don't say 'lie', at least not in my experience. Sorry to anyone if it makes you twitchy. ;))**

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Band-aid**

Not even halfway to work, my phone chimes with a text.

**_Thank you so much for giving me your number, Bella. ~E_**

**_Again. ~E_**

Another confirmation that he had it before and didn't use it stares me in the face. I'm not sure any excuse he has will be good enough, but since I agreed to hear him out, that's what I'll do.

Eventually.

**_Me again. Sorry. Jas said you don't want me to come by again, and I understand. He &amp; Alice will be by to pick up my truck since I won't be able to drive for a bit anyway. ~E_**

The pang of guilt hits my stomach even harder than it did when I first backed in to him. This is messing with his livelihood.

**_Sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. I have sick days and stuff. ~E_**

What is he, a mind-reader now?

**It's okay. ~B**

Not sure what else to say, I leave it at that in response to all four of his texts. Another red light finally turns green, and I pull in to work, hurrying inside to relieve Riley.

"I'm so sorry," I rush out, tying a purple apron around my waist. "Thank you for covering for me."

"Anything for you, B." He blows me a kiss, and I catch it, smacking my hand against my ass. "Now, is that any way to treat the guy you woke up at 5:30 this morning?"

"Oh, shush. You love my ass. You know you wanna kiss it."

"It _is_ your best… _ass_et." He winks, showing me his best dimpled grin.

Smirking, I snap a towel at him, and he tosses his apron into the small hamper in the back before gliding behind me, pinching my best asset and making me jump. "Love you," I tell him on a laugh.

"I know. Call me later." And with a pointed look, he's out the door.

Still chuckling, I jump right in and start filling the next drink order. Any other guy pinching my ass would likely get a mouthful of scathing words from me. And maybe a titty-twister, depending. But I've been friends with Riley since we were freshmen in college. I lack the necessary equipment to turn him on anyway, so even if he's flirting, it'll never go beyond that.

He'll probably die laughing and then scold me when I fill him in on what happened this morning. All I told him was that a friend had an emergency and needed help. He won't be happy about Edward showing up and my giving him my phone number again. Riley's one of the best grudge-holders I know. It may be best if I wait and hear what Edward has to say before telling Riley anything. If things go no further with Edward, I'll save myself a lot of bitch-brow-riddled lecturing.

A couple hours into my shift, a small raven-haired woman in a cute white peacoat and multi-colored scarf steps up to the counter and orders a drink. When I have it ready, I turn the cup to see the name printed there. "Alice?" I call out.

As she steps toward me to take the drink, I see something like recognition in her eyes.

"Have a nice d—"

"Bella?"

We speak at the same time, and I know this isn't a coincidence. She's _Alice, _Alice. Edward's friend and Jasper's wife.

An exasperated sigh leaves my mouth. "Did Edward send you?"

Her expression is sheepish, but there's determination in her eyes too. "Not exactly."

"What does that mean?"

Alice glances over to where Maggie is not so subtly listening in. "Do you think you could take a quick break?"

"I…"

"Please? It'll just take a sec. I swear."

"Go," Maggie says when I turn my head toward her. "We're dead right now anyway."

I give her a grateful nod and blow out a breath as I move around the counter. Alice and I take a seat across from each other at a small table in the back corner. Far away from Maggie and her curious ears.

"First," Alice says, "I want you to know I'm not here to plead Edward's case or anything like that." She wraps both hands around her paper cup. "What he did was completely shitty."

My eyebrow lifts as I incline my head. "We're in agreement there." I'm so relieved she's not here to push me. It would only make me that much more resistant.

A smile plays at the corners of Alice's lips at my wry comment, but she contains it. "Right. I just wanted you to know that I did pass along your message when you called last month. Of course, I had no idea who you were or what had happened. Not until last night. If I had, I would have kicked his ass a hell of a lot sooner." She shakes her head and takes a sip of her drink.

"Thanks, but… What do you mean, you would've kicked his ass sooner?"

Alice's crystal blue eyes go wide, and this totally put-together girl starts stammering. "Uh… I mean." Her shoulders sag. "Shit,' she whispers. "I really wish I hadn't said that."

My brows shoot up my forehead, and I question her with my eyes.

"Okay, look. I know you probably hate him right now. And don't get me wrong. I would too if he did that to me." She looks down at the lid of her coffee cup, swiping her thumb over what must be a crimson lipstick stain on the edge. "It's just that… it's so unlike him."

My eyes narrow, and a hurt expression must come over my face because she rushes to continue.

"God, no. I'm sorry. Nothing I'm saying is coming out right." Alice shakes her head, making her short hair dance around her face. "I'm not saying he's a manwhore or something and doesn't usually abandon his conquests. Far from it. I don't think he's even been with anyone in forever." She slaps a palm to her forehead. "Not that that makes it okay. God. Seriously, I should just shut up. But it's just that next to my Jas, he's the sweetest guy I know. And he's been a wreck for the last month, and none of us knew why. I finally got it out of him last night and then titty-twisted him this morning until he told me where you work."

My mouth falls open, but all I can do is blink at her.

"You're quiet," she says.

"Uh…" I push a loose lock of hair behind my ear. "You titty-twisted a guy with a broken ass?"

Alice nods. "Mmhmm. He's stubborn. He whined like a little bitch but finally caved."

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you."

A grin spreads across her face. "Aww, really?" Her hand presses to her chest. "I like you too. I mean, I know we just met, but… Edward told me a lot about you last night, and you seem really cool. And I know it's not my place, but I'm sorry for what happened."

"Thank you. But yeah. He needs to be the one to make it right." Looking down at my hands, I shake my head. "If that's even possible."

Alice sighs. "I know at the very least, he wants to explain and apologize properly. But again, it's not my place. I only came to let you know I'd given him your phone number." After I lift an eyebrow at her, she concedes, "And okay, maybe to plead his case just a teeny bit." She holds her index finger and thumb about a millimeter apart. And at my smile and head-shake, she adds, "He needs all the help he can get. Poor guy."

I want to be mad at Alice for interfering like this and defending him, but she's just so endearing. And knowing he didn't send her to do it for him helps a little. "How bad is his injury?"

"His tailbone's fractured." I wince. "Yeah, he said some of the snow was already packed down from where he'd stepped, and of course that's where he fell. Right onto the ice underneath."

"Ouch."

She nods with a grimace. "He'll be laid up for a bit, but he'll live."

"Well…" I exhale a heavy breath. "Maybe I should just get it over with. Rip the band-aid off." Alice perks up at this. "Not knowing is always worse, right? If I just talk to him and hear what he has to say, then I can move on with all of the information."

She looks like a bobblehead, nodding frantically. I swear she'd clap if she wasn't afraid I might slap her. Alice calms herself down as best she can, still slightly vibrating in her seat. "Do you think you'll go see him? I know he wants to talk to you in person if at all possible, and since he can't drive…" She trails off with a hopeful expression.

Letting him plead his case in person, where I can see his eyes and his body and his lips seems like a spectacularly bad idea. And I'm not sure he deserves the courtesy at this point.

"He really hurt me, Alice."

Her face drops, and she nods solemnly. "I know." She fidgets for a minute as if debating whether or not she should say more. "I'm probably overstepping. Again." She rolls her eyes at herself. "But you should know that he's not been unaffected by what he did to you. He didn't just walk away and forget you, as much as I'm sure it felt that way."

Dropping my gaze to my hands, I nod at her but don't respond. That's exactly how it felt.

Since I left the hospital this morning, I'd been considering letting him stew for a while—make him really work for it. I can't deny that I do just want to _know_ already, though. It's been over a month of waiting and not knowing, and I'm sick to death of it. If I can't forgive him, then I can finally put it all behind me. And if I can… Well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Still not quite decided, I raise my eyes back to Alice's pretty face. "I'll think about it. Will you give me his address? Assuming he wants me to have it."

She nods and actually does clap this time. But only twice before she reins it in. "He does. And I have to tell you what a big deal that is for him. He's kind of embarrassed by his place," she whispers behind her hand like it's top secret. "He never used to let Jas and me come over, but I finally told him to quit being such a fucking pussy." She lets out a girly giggle that almost makes her foul language seem innocent. "Now we have a spare key, which he tried very hard to get back from me last night." Her blue eyes roll. "Like _that_'ll happen."

Despite her meddling, I find I'm liking Alice more and more.

After digging around in her purse, she produces a pen and a scrap of paper, scribbling Edward's address down for me.

"Thanks, Alice. I better get back to work." I fold the paper and stick in the pocket of my jeans. "If I decide to go over there, I'll text him."

"Okay," shes says with a nod. "I put Jasper's and my numbers on there too, just in case." We both stand, and she comes in for a hug, which catches me off guard. "Sorry, sorry," she says, sensing my body stiffen. "It's just so nice to meet you."

I pat her back awkwardly. "You too, Alice."

She pulls back and beams at me before stepping around me and walking out the door.

Still processing everything that just happened, I stare after her in a daze for a moment before snapping out of it and getting back to work.

* * *

The last two days have been busy between school and work, and I haven't had much spare time to even think about the situation with Edward. He hasn't tried to contact me again, for which I'm grateful.

Although he gave me way too much space before, I'm glad he's giving it to me now.

"Okay," I mutter to myself. "Rip off the band-aid. The pain should only last a second. Right?"

_Right._

Shaking my head, I reach for my phone. It's about eight AM, and I'm off work today. My first class isn't until eleven, so I have a little time.

**Hey, are you free this morning? ~B**

His response is almost immediate.

**_Yes. ~E_**

**I'm sure Alice told you she gave me your address. Would it be okay if I came by? We could talk. ~B**

**_Yes. Absolutely. ~E_**

**Okay, I can be there in an hour. ~B**

**_Great. And thank you, Bella. ~E_**

**Sure. See you then. ~B**

Letting out a long breath, I climb out of bed and get ready.

Edward lives in an older neighborhood, dotted with small houses, some run-down and some immaculately kept up.

It's 9:03 when I get out of my car and walk carefully over the cracked paving stones that cut a path through the grass to his front steps. The shock of the door swinging open as soon as I raise my hand to knock almost makes me fall backwards.

"Whoa." Edward reaches out and wraps a hand around my wrist, righting me. "We don't need two busted asses around here." His cheeks tinge pink, and he glances at my eyes. "Not that you'd… I mean, I didn't mean… Never mind." His gaze drops, and he shakes his head.

Seeing him so unsure of himself is disarming, and it makes me feel better about being here on his turf. He'd put the ball in my court, but it still felt like he had the advantage with my coming to his house. "Were you waiting by the door?"

His sheepishness is still all over his face. "Well… yeah. I kind of had to, though. It would've taken me a couple minutes to get to the door if I'd waited until you got here to get up."

"Oh." I look away from the dark green sweater that's molded perfectly to his body. "Right. Sorry."

"Please don't apologize."

Feeling his eyes on me again, I nod, and an awkward silence descends over us.

Edward shifts back and forth on his feet. "I also had to put Bree out back. She can be a little overly friendly."

Nodding again, I suddenly remember the small paper bag in my hand. "Oh, I brought you a blueberry muffin. I thought you might be hungry, and since you can't really get around too well…" I hold it up to him. "Hopefully it still tastes okay. I got it from work yesterday. I didn't have to pay for it or anything." Oh, my God. Shut _up_, Bella.

I knew this was a bad idea. Being alone with him again is making me nervous and melting the blocks of ice that had been building around my heart since he disappeared.

Edward's long fingers pluck the bag from my hand, and he utters a quiet, "Thank you."

Another awkward moment passes before he realizes I'm still standing outside. His green eyes widen, and he takes a step back to allow me in. "Sorry. Can I take your coat?" he asks as I step past him.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I shake my head because I feel like it's my armor right now—my heart's last line of defense.

"Bella," he says, drawing my eyes to his face. His scruff is a little shorter than it was last time I saw him, like maybe he doesn't shave but just trims it. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you coming over here to talk. It's…" He runs a hand through his dark copper hair. "It's a lot more than I could have hoped for or deserve."

Not sure what to say, I just go with, "You're welcome."

Edward nods and starts hobbling away from me, past an old blue couch that's worn around the edges. He stops when he gets to a gap in the wall where the hallway is. "Sorry. I kind of have to lay down, and the couch isn't really long enough," he says, inclining his head in what I assume is the direction of his bedroom.

Shit. His bedroom.

No, no, no, no, no.

Clearly, I did _not_ think this through.

* * *

**Next chapter will bring answers from Edward. Thank you for reading! xoxo **


	9. Opening up

**This chapter was kind of a bear, but I finally wrestled it into submission. Thank you for your patience. And thank you all SO much for reading and for leaving me your thoughts. I forgot to mention in the last chapter's a/n how much I was laughing at the sheer number of reviews for chapter 7 that contained the word splainin', LOL. You guys are awesome. :))**

**Huge thanks go out to Sophiacorgi, Twilly, and my special guest pre-reader, KniNut, for helping me with this chapter. It was a frustrating one for me, and they've been just amazing. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes. **

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**Chapter 9 - Opening up**

Edward's bedroom is small but clean like the rest of his house. A double bed takes up most of the space, flanked by two nightstands and covered in a plain dark blue comforter. A tall dresser stands against a side wall, but that's it. No chair in sight.

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't ideal," Edward says, watching me survey the room. He walks slowly over to the bed, and with several pained grunts and groans that pull at my chest, he gets himself stretched out onto his side.

"It's okay," I answer quietly before walking to the other side of the bed and sitting cross-legged to face him. I'm about as far back as I can be without falling off.

My trepidation in coming into his room had nothing to do with sex. I know he'll be out of commission for a while (a thought that's accompanied by another pang of guilt even though it was an accident). It's that being in someone's bedroom implies a certain level of intimacy, which of course we shared in mine, but that side of our relationship, or lack thereof, pretty much got blown to bits when he vanished. And now I'm having to share his most personal space in order to have this conversation.

Sure, I could have insisted we do it over the phone, but I somehow knew that wouldn't be enough. I realized I need to see in his eyes if he's sincere. I caught glimpses a few days ago at the hospital, the vulnerability in his deep green eyes, and that's what ultimately made me want to give him a chance to explain. His confident words and subsequent exit stage left may have suggested that he's a cocky player, but I'm starting to think that's not who he is at all. The fact is, though, I don't really know. I don't know who he is, because he didn't want me to.

I need answers, and if he can't give them to me today, when I've made the effort to come to him, then I'm done.

"I know you're probably tired of hearing this from me," Edward starts, and I look up from where I've been staring at my twisting hands in my lap, "but I have to start out by saying again how sorry I am. It was… stupid to think you wouldn't be hurt by what I did." His gaze goes to the comforter underneath us. "I didn't think—"

My hand goes up in front of me. "Wait… You didn't think I'd be hurt by your disappearing act after I'd shared myself with you the way I did? You think I just jump into bed with any man who walks up to my door? What..." My head shakes in disbelief, and I know I must be giving him the _you're an idiot_ look.

"_No_. I don't think that at all. It was…" He exhales a heavy breath, bringing his apologetic eyes back to mine. "The longer I laid there with you in your bed, the more I realized I'd never fit in to your life. And I was sure you knew that too. I had myself convinced that you were just fulfilling a fantasy or something—slumming it with the blue collar guy that you could 'climb like a tree', and then you'd go back to your regular life filled with fancy coffee machines and fancy degrees." He shakes his head, dropping his eyes again. "Alice told me I was an idiot for thinking that, but you have to understand, at the time, I really believed it. I _still _don't believe I'd fit in to your life. I mean, I didn't even finish high school, for fuck's sake. What the hell would you want with a guy like me?"

The vulnerability is once again clear in his eyes, and although I've been trying like hell to hold on to a little bit of my anger toward him, he's kind of breaking my heart right now. "Edward… I felt a real connection with you. And I thought you felt it too. Despite how it might have seemed, I _don't_ do things like that with just anyone. You and I have history, however unknown it was at the time, y'know?"

Edward's eyes plead with me to understand. "I _did_ feel it, Bella. It was fucking amazing, but I convinced myself it was one-sided. And it wasn't because I thought you'd do those things with just anyone. It was because I knew you could do so much better than me." I scoff at him, but he continues. "You'd never looked twice at me in high school, and the way you looked at me that day… I couldn't resist taking whatever you were willing to give me. But I knew it couldn't last."

"How could you possibly know that? You didn't even give us a chance."

He's propped up on his elbow, and his free hand clenches into a fist and loosens a couple times. "I know. It's just… Still… I have no idea why you'd want to be with someone like me."

My exasperation must be written all over my face. "Stop it with that. What do you mean, 'someone like you'?" My air quotes are mocking.

Edward lets out a frustrated sigh. "I'm just not… good. I fuck everything up. Obviously," he mumbles, adding, "Always have."

My head tilts to the side, and I wait. When he doesn't go on, I say, "I can't imagine that's true, but I'm listening."

He finally glances up at me and runs his free hand through his hair, dropping it back down to pick at a loose thread in the comforter. "It's a long list," he says with a humorless chuckle. "You sure you want to hear this? I only wanted to apologize to you properly and explain. You don't have to stay. I—"

My hand covers his to stop its nervous movements, and I give him a soft, encouraging smile. "I said I'm listening."

Edward's heavy exhale blows across the top of my hand. "Some stuff is hard for me to talk about. There's a lot I'm still trying to make up for. It's… I mean, I've _killed _people."

Swallowing thickly, I nod. "I sort of assumed you might have, but you were at war, Edw—"

He's already shaking his head. "I mean before that."

My brows furrow, and on instinct, I lean away from him a little, removing my hand from his. "Before that? What—"

Edward takes in a shaky breath and exhales. "Okay. I guess I'm diving right in here." He looks up at me again. "I'm sure you noticed I was pretty poor growing up, always wearing the same worn jeans and sneakers?"

It comes out like a question, and I shake my head. The truth is, we didn't share any classes, and I had no real reason to notice something like that.

"Really? It's what most people made fun of me for. Well, that and the acne and the braces and the hair." He rolls his eyes.

"I never made fun of you."

"I know," Edward murmurs with a hint of a smile that dissipates almost instantly. "Anyway, we lived in a tiny wooden house, kind of like this one, and my dad was a real tightwad asshole. Even when he had money, he'd never spend it on me. I only got the braces because my mom's insurance covered them, and she said she wanted her 'beautiful boy to shine'." He uses air quotes with a playful eyeroll, and that ghost of a smile returns to his face for a moment but fades again quickly. "She was the only reason I never ran away from home," he continues quietly. "She made my crappy life bearable, kept me sane through all the bullshit, y'know?" The tears I see gathering in his eyes make my own water. "The winter of my senior year, I was so tired of the house being so damn cold. The bastard would barely let us run the heat, and we didn't risk it, even when he wasn't home." His jaw clenches, his nostrils flaring as he takes in a deep breath. "I had a buddy of mine take me to a flea market after school one day, and I found a couple of cheap space heaters. I thought I could keep one and give the other to my mom, but since she wasn't home yet, I plugged them both into the outlet across from my bed and laid down. It was fucking heaven. But then…" His eyes glaze over with a memory as his eyebrows draw together. "I'd dozed off and woke up a while later to a smoke-filled room, and of course I panicked. Flames were already licking up the wall, and I could hear my mom's shower running just on the other side of it." A tear splashes onto his cheek, and I cover my mouth to hold back any sounds that might escape me. "I tried to put it out, but I only seemed to make it worse. She couldn't hear me screaming at her to get out of the house."

"Oh, God," I whimper with my hand still covering my mouth. "She died?"

Edward looks up at me then, his haunted eyes almost seeming to come out of a trance. "Aw, fuck. I'm sorry." He moves his hand up to wipe at my tears with the back of his index finger. His touch is both soothing and unnerving. "She survived." He swallows audibly, not sounding nearly as relieved or happy about that as it seems like he should.

"Your dad?" I ask shakily.

"He wasn't home," he says, dropping his hand and his gaze again. "I, uh… The smoke was overwhelming me, and when I got out through my window, the firefighters were already there. I remember yelling for them to get my mom out and being so relieved when one of them handed her off to the EMTs through a window. But..." He swipes at one of the tears trailing down toward his beard. "The roof collapsed on the firefighter before he could get out, and the whole house, or what little was left of it, was engulfed in flames. I… I just remember standing in the yard, not being able to comprehend that our house was gone and that my mom was screaming in pain and that I'd _killed_ someone."

A gasp escapes as my hand drops from my mouth. "You did _not_. It was an accident."

"It doesn't matter if it was an accident or not." Edward's glassy eyes harden and turn angry. "That man, who had a wife and a young son, still died because of me. My mom was still horribly burned because of me. I may as well have killed her too."

"Edward…"

"My dad…" he continues as if I hadn't spoken. "He moved into an apartment and said I was on my own after that. My mom was in the hospital in a medically induced coma, and he wouldn't even let me see her." His fist clenches, and I have an overwhelming need to comfort him, so I cover it with my hand again. "I hadn't even finished high school yet, but I was already eighteen, so…"

"You enlisted."

He nods. "The army has a GED enlistment program, so that's what I did. Any extra money I had, I sent to my dad." He shrugs. "I didn't know how else to try to make up for everything I took from my parents. They lost _everything_ because I was too much of a pussy to just suck it up and be cold."

"Edward, you didn't do anything wrong. You can't be so hard on yourself."

"It doesn't _matter_," he shoots back, squeezing his eyes shut. "How could I be that stupid? Space heaters are a fucking disaster waiting to happen, not to mention two ancient, _used_ ones right next to each other."

"We don't always think things through when we're young. It's not—"

"Don't say it's not my fault," he says through clenched teeth. "It _is_. And I have to live with it every day. I have to live with the fact that my mother is disfigured and almost completely blind." A pang hits my stomach hard at that. "I have to live with the fact that by not _thinking things through_, a man was taken away from his family far too soon, and my dad is drinking himself to death because he can't deal. I just… How can I ever forgive myself for something like that?"

"Edward, listen to me." My hand squeezes his fist, and he loosens it and flips his hand so we're palm to palm. Tears leak out of the corners of his scrunched eyes before he opens them and focuses on me. The bright verdant green threatens to steal my breath, the pain in them unmistakable. "I can't begin to understand what you've been through. But I know it's not easy—forgiving yourself. I know what it's like to feel guilt over someone's death."

"You do?"

"Mmhmm. My mom…" I swallow against the dryness in my throat. "She couldn't handle being a mom. It just wasn't really in her, y'know? She would leave my dad all the time, going off and doing God knows what." I shake my head. "He took great care of me, but it wore on him. She'd inevitably decide she missed him and come back." I sigh, remembering how excited he'd get, thinking _this_ time was the time things would be okay. "He _always_ took her back. He loved her so damn much." Edward's hand squeezes mine lightly. "The last time she left, I was a freshman in college. And when Dad found out she'd run off and married some baseball player half his age, it absolutely broke him." A whimper leaves my mouth as I try to hold back a sob, and Edward's eyes find my face again. My gaze drops to our joined hands. "He was so depressed, and he got really drunk one night and got behind the wheel. Um… he h-hit a tree and died on impact." Sniffling, I swipe at the tears trailing down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. The way you talked about him, I assumed he was still alive." Our eyes connect again, and his are still teary and a more brilliant shade of green than I've seen before. "You can't blame yourself for that, though," he says. "Your mom was only thinking about herself."

"Still." I shrug one shoulder. "She left because of me. Or at least that was what she said. She said she loved me, but she just wasn't meant to be a mother."

"That was shitty of her."

"That's putting it mildly."

Edward nods. "I'm thankful my mom's still alive. It's just hard to see her the way she is now and not feel that crippling guilt. She says the same as you—not to blame myself. She says she forgives me, but…" He shakes his head like he's never believed her.

He probably hasn't.

I want nothing more than to press my whole body against his to bring him a modicum of comfort, but I settle for scooting closer and maneuvering my hand to where I can thread our fingers together.

Edward stares at our entwined hands for a moment.

When he speaks again, it's shaky, like he's a lost little boy, and I guess, in a way, he is. "I don't get to see her much, even now that I'm out of the service. She's almost completely reliant upon my dad, and if I thought he didn't like me much before the fire…" He shakes his head and blows a puff of air out of his nose. "I hadn't seen anything yet." His chest expands with a deep breath. "Mom and I sometimes talk on the phone when he's not home, but he's home almost all the time now that he's lost his job. He always drank, but now it's pretty much all day, every day." I squeeze his hand, and he rewards me with a grateful, if fleeting smile. "She gets some disability pay, but it's not enough, so I still send them as much money as I can, but... I worry about her a lot."

My thumb sweeps back and forth across the skin of his hand. My brain is telling me I should pull my hand away; it's too intimate, too soon, but I don't want to. We're connecting on a much deeper level than I ever thought possible, and we need the contact. Or at least, I know _I_ do. "Of course you do, Edward. I'm so sorry."

"Please, Bella. I can't take you apologizing to me. I'm the shitty person here. Not you."

"You're _not_." I shake my head at him. "You've been dealt a shitty hand, but that doesn't make you a shitty person."

"Doesn't disappearing on you like I did make me a shitty person, though?"

My shoulders slump with a sigh. "As much as I wanted to believe that, I'm having a hard time with it now."

One corner of Edward's mouth tilts up for second. "I'm so sorry I did that to you, Bella. That day was just so fucking perfect, I thought there was no way it was real and definitely no way I could keep you. I figured you'd only called to bitch me out or to tell me I left my shirt or some shit. I don't know." He pulls his hand from mine to run through his hair but then presses it right back to my waiting palm. "And the longer I put off calling you back, the more I convinced myself you didn't want to hear from me anyway. I had Jasper take me off your route so I wouldn't be tempted to stop and try to see you. I was sure you wouldn't want anything to do with the pimply kid who was in love with the perfect girl in high school, the guy who has almost nothing to offer you now." He gestures to our surroundings, and I remember Alice whispering about his embarrassment of his small, somewhat run-down house.

"There's nothing wrong with your house," I tell him with a shake of my head. His eyebrows lift as if to say _yeah, right_, but I ignore it. Entwining our fingers again, I lean toward him. "All I wanted from you was _you_, Edward." Before I do something crazy like kiss him, I sit back up. "Now I kind of understand why you wouldn't open up much before. You had me on some kind of ridiculous pedestal. But I'm just a regular girl, with regular feelings." I shrug, looking down at his large hand in mine. "Feelings for you."

His body sags in relief. "I want you to know me, Bella, if that's what you want."

"I really do. And not just because I'm inquisitive," I joke, attempting to lighten the mood a bit.

Edward lets out a soft chuckle and squeezes my hand. "Don't you mean nosy?"

"Yeah, yeah. Semantics." I poke him in the shoulder, and he laughs harder.

His face turns serious, and he starts stroking my wrist with his thumb, sending tingles up my arm. "Connecting with you like that and then being away from you was…" His features pull together, and the pain is clear, etched right there into the lines of his face. "Every single day, I wanted to go to your house or the coffee shop, drop to my knees, and beg you for another chance. I wanted you… _want_ you so fucking much. I just never thought…" He shakes his head and locks eyes with me, making my breath stutter at their beauty. "I think my willpower would've broken sooner, but the anniversary of the fire hit me harder than usual this year. And my dad's just been getting worse and worse, and… I'm sorry it took me so long." He takes a breath, and his brows relax as light dances in his eyes, the likes of which I haven't seen a glimpse of since that day. "And I'm sorry it took Alice kicking my ass to dislodge my head from it."

I laugh at the image in my mind of tiny little Alice bossing this giant of a man around. Edward lets out a laugh too, rubbing his chest where his sore nipple must be.

"I needed it," he says, serious again. "She made me understand that you must have felt used, and that was the absolute last thing I ever wanted to make you feel, Bella. I'm just… I'm no good at relationships. I've tried a couple times, but I always fuck things up, or I'm just not good enough, or… I don't know. I obviously don't have a lot of money, and my life's kind of fucked up. I'm bad about closing myself off. It's… I think I assumed you'd drop me like a bad habit once you got to know the real me."

My eyebrows lift. "And this assumption was based on an assumption you made about the type of person I am? Or was in high school?"

"Uh…" Edward scratches at the scruff lining his jaw. "I guess so."

"So you assumed I was shallow." It's not a question.

"I… guess." He pulls a face. "I'm sorry. I just felt so invisible in high school, especially to you."

"And because I was practically salivating over you the way you are now, you assumed I would never have wanted you the way you were then."

"Something like that."

A frustrated noise leaves my throat. "But you never asked me out back then. How do you know I wouldn't have said yes?"

Edward gives me a dubious look. "Oh, come on, Bella. You had every guy in that school lusting after you."

My look is just as dubious, my eyebrows rising up in disbelief. "Even if that's true, which I highly doubt, so what? I only had one boyfriend during high school. I didn't even date anyone my senior year." I duck my head. "I always thought you had beautiful eyes."

"Really?"

Nodding, I shift and lie down on my side to face him, our hands still connected between us. "Really."

"It's still hard for me sometimes to remember I'm not that skinny, pimply kid anymore. I mean, I looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo, for fuck's sake."

We both laugh, and it feels good. There's been so much heavy.

When our laughter's interrupted by scratching at the back door, I offer to let his dog in so he doesn't have to get up again.

As soon as I crack the door open, Bree pushes her dark nose through, followed by her golden body, instantly circling me and sniffing my feet. Her long tail whacks me in the legs over and over as it wags happily. "Hey, girl," I say softly, bending down to pet her. Her brown eyes connect with mine just before she slimes my face with her long tongue, right up my chin, over my lips and nose, and into my hair. "Blech," I sputter, standing and moving to the small kitchen to grab a paper towel. After wiping my face off, I walk back to Edward's room with Bree hot on my heels, still busy sniffing me.

"Everything okay?" Edward asks over his shoulder as we walk in.

"Yeah," I say on a laugh. "Your dog just decided she wanted to make out with me."

He chuckles. "Can't say I blame her."

My eyebrows lift at him, but the smile doesn't leave my face.

The tips of his ears turn pink, and he gives me a little shrug as if to say it couldn't be helped. "Anyway, I did warn you." He smirks, and I want to kiss it right off his face.

"Uh-huh. Overly friendly, my ass." I point at Bree. "You need to work on your boundary issues." She cocks her head at me and wags her tail, making my fake stern face crack into a smile.

Edward laughs again and pats the side of the bed. He winces as Bree bounds right over to him, pressing herself against the bed with her head next to his back, but he reaches behind himself the best he can to pet her.

Glancing at my watch, I let out a sigh. "I need to leave soon so I can make it to class on time." Edward's face falls, but he recovers quickly and nods. "Can I get you anything from the kitchen before I go so you don't have to get up?"

"Um… That would be great, actually. Some milk for my day-old, complementary muffin would be awesome." He shoots me a cheesy grin, still craning his neck.

"Oh, shut it. I vomit words when I'm nervous."

He shakes his head. "You shouldn't have been nervous, Bella. I'm the one who fucked up."

"Says the guy who's laid up because I mowed him down with my car." I smirk.

"I _knew_ it."

We both bust up laughing, and Bree looks between the two of us, her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth and her tail thumping the floor.

"Do you need help turning to your other side so you can use your nightstand?" I'm not sure where that came from, but I already miss touching him.

Edward gives me an easy smile. "Sure. Thanks."

I don't know how helpful I'll actually be since he's so much bigger than me, but I step over and lean down toward him, reaching across his chest to place one hand on his bottom shoulder and my other on the top one. His breathing picks up, much like mine at our proximity. My face is so close to his head, I could press my lips against the warm skin of his neck if I moved forward another inch or two. He smells incredible, and I have to close my eyes for a second to get my bearings. The muscles under my hands bunch and loosen as he shifts, and when he makes it onto his back, our eyes connect, making my heart falter and flip-flop in my chest. My useless hands are still on his shoulders, our faces only inches apart.

I could kiss him so easily right now.

His eyes dip down to my lips. "I didn't really need help," he whispers.

"I know."

Edward smirks, and his eyes are hooded and dangerous. The magnetic pull between us brings me in even closer, and he licks his lips. Mesmerized, I realize I'm staring at them, waiting for… something.

The shrill ringtone of his phone breaks the trance, and I straighten up, removing my hands from him as he groans.

"Sorry," he says, glancing at the screen. "I need to take this."

"Okay, I'll just…" I jerk my thumb over my shoulder.

"Masen," he says in greeting, and I instantly know it's not a personal call. Maybe it shouldn't make me feel better, but it does.

Stepping back into his kitchen, I go to his old refrigerator and pull out the milk. I spot some jelly and decide to make him a pb &amp; j as well.

Once I have everything together, I walk back to his room just as he's finishing up his call.

"Will do. Thanks, Chief."

That piques my curiosity because my dad was the chief of police in the small town we lived in back in Nebraska before we moved to Kansas City.

Edward looks up at me, now turned fully onto his right side. "Sorry about that. I'd called my fire chief the day of the accident, but he hadn't gotten back to me yet."

"Your fire chief?" I ask as I set his plate and drink down.

"Oh." He ducks his head. "Yeah. I'm a volunteer firefighter on the weekends. It's one of the ways I'm trying to make up for… everything." He shrugs one shoulder. "If I can give a firefighter with a family some time off here and there or be there to help save someone from going through what my mom did, or worse…" His cheeks pink up just as my eyes tear up.

This man is so sweet. How could he ever think I wouldn't want him?

"Thank you for this," he says, indicating the sandwich.

"You're welcome." I chew on my thumbnail for a minute, debating. "I should go, but… I just want you to know that I think you're an amazing person, Edward."

His face falls. "Oh. Are you giving me the, 'you're a great person, but we're better off as friends' speech?"

"What? No." Shaking my head, I gingerly sit on the edge of the bed, trying not to jostle him. "Well, not exactly. It's just something you need to hear because you don't see yourself clearly at all. And I do think we should become friends, but I'm also hoping for more than that." Edward's eyebrows lift as hope floods his eyes. "Maybe not right away, but I promise not to friendzone you," I joke.

"Ha ha."

"But seriously. I know how hard it must have been for you to open up to me the way you did today, and I really appreciate that. I already feel like I know you so much better now." I place my hand on his bicep. "I have to say, one way or another, I think we're gonna be okay."

"You do?"

"I do."

A slow smile creeps over his lips, spreading wide until he's full-on grinning. I sigh and run a fingertip over the crinkles by his left eye. I missed those.

Edward wraps his hand around my wrist, bringing it to his face and kissing my palm. When he releases me, I run my hand down the side of his face, leaning in to place a kiss on the corner of his jaw. He sucks in a breath, fisting the comforter in his hand.

"I better go," I murmur into his ear.

He nods as I stand up. "Thank you, Bella. For coming here, for being willing to even talk to me. I still think you're way too good for me—" I click my tongue at him, and he smirks. "—but I'll do everything in my power to be the man you deserve."

My smile can't be stopped. "Starting by _finally _showing me your tattoos?"

Edward laughs, and I revel in the sound. "Yes, Miss Nosy. I'll tell you all about them. But maybe next time. I don't want you to be late."

"Next time, huh?"

"Well… yeah." I see the doubt creep back into his green irises. "You _are_ coming back, right?"

Tapping my chin, I look up at the ceiling. "Hmm. I'll think about it."

I spin on my heel, but he obviously catches the smile on my face because his beautiful laughter follows me out of his room.

Yeah.

He knows I'll be back.

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**Thank you so much for reading. xoxo**

**I have a few recs for you guys. (all WIPs)**

**The Love Boat****by Twilly - ****Love, exciting and new. Come Aboard. We're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you. Best friends, a childhood crush, a free cruise, and a ship full of swingers. - **This is unlike anything I've read before. It makes me laugh out loud constantly. Bella is quirky and a little neurotic, and Edward is hot and swoony. The lemons are just… gah! Don't miss the boat on this one!

**Omens****by MissJanuary - One hundred years of swirling, living ink. Layers of words, history unravelling on skin. Tattward and Inkella. Not a fairytale. - **This story is unique and incredibly intriguing so far. The writing astounds me, and I absolutely cannot wait to see how it unfolds. Please check it out and leave her some love!

**I Belong With You****by twilightladies - In those moments, I realize it's over. Planning to follow you to the same college is not an option. I can't be near you and watch you love another. With one last glance at my past, I turn and go back the way I came. I don't see you turning around or the smile that falls from your face when you see me. - **I don't want to give anything away, but this story is just lovely. Bella's been hurt, but she's doing her best to move on and grow stronger, leaving behind all she knows and starting fresh. Please give it a read!


	10. Open Book

**A lot of mixed feelings on the last chapter. I understand. I didn't start out planning any angst in this story, but it was started on a whim, so once I began developing their back stories, it happened that way. The hints about Edward having a less than desirable past have been popping up since chapter three. That said, I don't have any _more_ angst planned. :)**

**If you're still with me, thank you so much! I didn't get to reply to all the reviews this time, but I truly appreciate all of your feedback.**

**Huge thanks to Twilly and Sophiacorgi for being all around amazing. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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**Chapter 10 - Open Book**

"B…" One blond eyebrow is cocked much higher than the other, wrinkling Riley's forehead. He sits across from me, his blue eyes boring a hole into me as he speaks slowly, yet emphatically. "Please, _please_ tell me you're not giving that asshole another chance."

Studying the bowl of chips on the table between us, I squirm under his gaze. "I'm not giving that asshole another chance?"

He sighs. Loudly.

Riley and I have dinner together every Sunday night, partly so he can fill me in on his wild weekends while I live vicariously through him and partly because neither of us really has family anymore. I haven't talked to my mom in years, and his parents disowned him when he came out, so we've become each other's family in a lot of ways.

This particular Sunday dinner is one I was dreading, knowing I'd have to come clean about Edward.

After he doubled over laughing about my hitting and injuring Edward, almost shooting margarita out his nose, he got down to business.

I peek at Riley before dunking a chip into the mild salsa and crunching away like he's not still giving me his patented double bitch-brow.

"You were a complete mess for a _month_ over that guy."

"Hey." I have no problem looking him in the eye at that comment. "I was _not_ a complete mess. I was sad, yes, but I mostly held it together. It sucked, but it's over now. I went to his house, and—"

"You went to his _house_?" Riley practically shrieks.

"He's basically bed-ridden, Ri. What the hell else was I supposed to do?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe talk to him on the phone." He slaps the table with an open palm. "Or better yet, don't talk to him at all!"

"Would you stop this?" I hiss at him. "Look, I know I don't always make the best choices when it comes to dating." He snorts, but I ignore him. "You've gotten me through some tough times, and I appreciate that. But I needed to know what the hell was going on with him. I _deserved_ to know."

Riley sighs again and sits back, taking a long sip from his margarita. "I just hate seeing you get hurt," he says finally.

"I know." I pat his hand. "You're the best friend a girl could ask for, and I know you're just looking out for me. But Edward really opened up to me when I went over there, which surprised the hell out of me, considering how tight-lipped he was that day at my house." I take a sip from my own margarita before continuing. "He's been through a lot, and once he told me everything, I mostly understood why he acted the way he did. It feels like we have a clean slate now after getting everything out in the open, and I just…" I shrug. "I really like him. It's worth it to me to see where this goes."

Riley takes a deep breath and studies my face, something he does often. He knows me better than anyone. "Well… I guess I can get behind that."

I snort, my mind immediately going to the gutter.

"You _would_ go there." He smirks. "So you're giving this guy a do-over, huh?"

Nodding, I swipe my finger through the condensation on my glass. "Something like that."

Riley sits forward with an all too familiar conspiratorial look on his face. "But you're gonna torture him first, right? At least a little?"

"Torture him? How?"

He grins. "You know. Wear super tight clothes, and make sure you bend down and stick your boobs in his face and stuff. I don't know what all the fuss is about with those things." He waves a hand toward my chest, and I glance down automatically. "But I'm willing to bet it'll kill him."

"Dude. That's fucking mean. Even for you."

Riley cackles while I ponder my wardrobe.

.

.

.

The next day, I have a small break between work and class, so I decide to go see Edward. It's been a few days since our big talk, and we've texted and talked on the phone some but haven't seen each other again. I've texted some with Alice as well, so I know she and Jasper have been helping Edward out with things around the house and providing meals for him. She's this crazy ball of energy and has taken a half-dozen casseroles over for him to freeze and eat off of, which will probably last him several weeks.

The only thing I take over is a sandwich and coffee from work.

"It's fresh this time."

Edward smiles and winks at me. "Thanks. It's great to see you."

My heart flutters as I take a deep breath—a mistake, I realize as soon as I inhale his clean scent. "Are you able to take showers?" I blurt out, instantly flushing a deep crimson when his smile transforms into a smirk.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he replies, gesturing for me to walk ahead of him to his room.

I really would.

One point for Edward.

Settling onto his bed, we unwrap our sandwiches, and he eyes me.

"What?"

"You gonna take off your coat and stay awhile?"

Curling in on myself, I shake my head. "It's fucking freezing out there. I'm still trying to thaw out."

Edward chuckles at me and then gazes at his pastrami sandwich like he's about to make love to it.

Holding in my laughter, I instead ask him how he's feeling.

"Mm." He finishes chewing his huge bite and swallows loudly. "This is good. Thank you." I smile. "I feel okay, I guess. It hurts like a bitch to sit or stand for very long, but I'm getting by."

My shoulders deflate, and I sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Hey." He reaches over and jostles my calf. "Enough of that."

How can his touching me through denim shoot tingles up my leg like that? Ridiculous.

I shake my head and go back to my sandwich. The silence isn't awkward like I thought it might be while we finish our lunch. Our eyes connect several times, and it feels like a whole new person is lying here in front of me, smiling my favorite smile as he chews. Edward's an open book for me now, full of pages I can't wait to read. He told me over the phone that he doesn't want any secrets between us anymore, and it brought me intense relief. Although he'd already spilled some of the darkest secrets he'd been holding on to, I still hadn't fully trusted him to not close himself off again.

Once our lunch has been devoured, I get up and throw our trash away, letting Bree in from the back yard on my way back from the kitchen. Deciding I don't want to go back to Edward with dog drool all over my face, I don't bend down to her level this time. Her tail thumps the floor as she sits and lets me scratch behind her ears for a moment, though. She gets a good lick in on my hand before following me into Edward's room and settling down on her dog bed in the corner, so I wash it quickly in his adjoining bathroom.

"Thanks," he says as I climb back up onto his bed.

"No problem." Feeling too warm now, I shed my coat and lay it on the floor behind me. When I turn back toward Edward, his eyes go wide and fixate on my chest.

I may or may not have taken Riley's advice. Just a little bit.

My sweater is fitted but not 'super tight'. It's a v-neck, and it dips low enough to show the very tops of my breasts in the middle. Just a little cleavage. Totally acceptable.

Edward's deep green eyes narrow and then focus back on my face. "You're not playing fair," he says in a low voice that causes a tremor to roll through me.

In our text conversations, we agreed to take things slow this time around. Partly because sex is off the table anyway due to Edward's injury and partly because we feel it'll help us build a better foundation for our relationship.

I flick my hair over my shoulder as nonchalantly as possible. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He cocks an eyebrow at me. "Uh-huh."

I have to bite my lip to contain my smile. "So…" I clear my throat. "Your tattoos?"

Chuckling, he shakes his head, giving my breasts another pointed glance before adjusting himself. A moan almost escapes my mouth at seeing his hand touch his dick, but I hold it in. He leans back and pushes his sleeves up to reveal the ink on his muscled forearms.

"I chose lettering that would be tough to make out unless you're right up close."

I huff. "No kidding."

Edward laughs softly through his nose, and his eyes get all happy. I sigh like a girl at the sight.

"This one here," he says, running his finger along the script on his left arm, "is for me."

I turn my head to read it clearly. There's a star at each end—U.S. Army stars, I realize. _Where there is no struggle, there is no strength._

Knowing what I know about his past, it makes perfect sense.

Edward clears his throat. "I thought I was strong, but it turns out I was wrong about that." His eyes burn into mine, and I get the message. He feels as though he was weak when it came to me.

"You are strong, Edward. You've been through a lot."

"So have you." He shakes his head. "So have a lot of people. It's no excuse."

I shrug. "Well, we can't undo what happened, but we can make the best of our do-over."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Do-over? Is that what this is?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, two people are supposed to get to know each other before sticking their hands down each other's pants, right?" I'm trying to lighten the mood a bit, and thankfully he laughs.

"Probably."

We smile at each other a moment, and then I touch the angel wings on his right arm. "For the firefighter?"

He clears his throat and nods. "Yeah. And the quote is for my mom."

I run my finger along it as I read. _Nothing can dim the light which shines from within. _My eyes sting as I stare at it, my index finger lingering at Edward's wrist. "That's beautiful."

He grasps my hand when the first tear splashes onto my cheek. "My mother has a beautiful heart, even after everything. She could easily blame me, but she doesn't."

Nodding, I wipe my eyes with my free hand and squeeze his with the other. "These are amazing. Thank you for telling me about them. They're obviously very personal, and I feel bad about pushing you so much to tell me."

Edward tugs on my hand, and his eyes stay on mine as I get closer and closer until I'm lying right up against him. He wraps his arm around my back and heaves a deep sigh. "That's better."

I know exactly how he feels—like a missing piece of myself was just slotted back into place when our bodies made contact. It makes no sense. We still don't know each other that well, but there's no doubt about how I feel. I've never felt it with anyone else.

Edward's hand rests on my hip, and his thumb caresses the skin just beneath the hem of my sweater. "I don't want you to feel bad, Bella. I was uncomfortable with you knowing so much about me because you're so amazing, and I never in a million years thought you'd want anything to do with me past that day, but now…" He lays his hand on top of mine, eclipsing it. "I want things with you that I've never wanted with anyone before. Things I never felt like I deserved. And it scares the fuck outta me, if I'm being honest." My head rests on his bicep, and I lay a kiss on the side of his pec, earning a smile.

"What kinds of things?"

After a deep inhale and noisy exhale, he shifts to face me, his hand splaying across my back. "I want to take you on dates and hold your hand." He plays with my fingers, lifting each one from his chest and caressing it before moving on to the next. "I want to see you in my clothes every single day." I smile, remembering how I felt wearing his huge white t-shirt. "I want you here with me all the time, Bella. No one has ever made me feel the way you do."

My smile stays firmly in place. "So you're saying I should move in tomorrow?"

His eyes dip down, just for a second, to my cleavage, which is much more pronounced in this position. "God, if only."

"You wouldn't be able to stand my messiness."

Edward's hand glides down my side and comes to rest on my waist. "That's probably true. But I'd put up with a lot if it meant I could have you here and not be missing you every second you're gone."

I love that he says exactly what he means. "I miss you when I'm gone too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I wish I'd had the balls to tell you how much I liked you back in high school. We might just be living together by now." He smiles and winks at me.

"You really liked me that much?"

"As much as I could for not actually knowing you, yeah." He chuckles, and the backs of his fingers skim down my cheek. "I knew how unbelievably smart you are. I knew you were sweet and kind. You never looked down on me like the others. Just seeing your bright smile in the halls was the highlight of my day. And even though I fucking hated those bullies, I almost looked forward to them tripping me in the cafeteria just so there'd be a chance you'd come and smile directly at me."

Tears blur my vision, and I bury my face in his chest.

He sighs and runs a hand down the back of my head. "I wish a lot of things had turned out differently."

Sniffling, I pull back and look into his eyes. "I think some things happen the way they do for a reason. Maybe we weren't meant to be back then."

"And now?" he asks, hope lighting up his eyes.

"Now… Well, I don't have all the answers, but I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it was worth it. If I didn't think _you_ were worth taking a chance on. Plus… you're kinda hot."

Edward laughs a deep, hearty laugh and curls his other arm around me. He squeezes me against him and buries his scruffy face in my hair. "Thank you."

My head shakes slightly. "For what?"

"For being here. For thinking I'm worth it."

My hand moves to cradle the back of his head. "You _are_. Please don't doubt that." I scratch my nails down to his neck, and he lets out a low moan. "I know you don't want me to treat you with kid gloves." He told me as much during one of our conversations. He doesn't want his past to keep affecting our relationship. "But don't forget that I'm choosing you. My feelings for you are real, and I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Hearing a sniffle from him makes a tear leak out of the corner of my eye, sliding into my hair. "My feelings for you are real too, Bella." His voice is muffled by my hair. "My track record isn't so great, but I'm not going anywhere either. Ever." His fingers press into my flesh where he's holding me. "Not unless you want me to."

"Just don't pull any more stupid stunts like you did, and I won't." We both chuckle through tears, and the need to be even closer to him overwhelms me. I sling my leg over his hip, forgetting about his injury until he yelps and pushes me back.

"Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry."

Edward's eyes are squeezed shut, his whole face scrunched in pain, and his hands bunch up into fists.

"You okay?" I squeak out.

One eye cracks open to peek at me. "Maybe those kid gloves are a good idea after all."

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**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	11. Kiss Me

**Huge thanks to Twilly, Sophiacorgi, Hadley Hemingway, and Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy for their amazing help with this chapter. I've been FREAKING out about starting up posting again, and I could not have done it without them!**

**Thank you all so much for coming back for some more Plowward! I really appreciate you sticking with me after a pretty long hiatus!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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As days pass, I find myself at Edward's house more and more whenever I'm between lab, classes, and work. Besides wanting to be with him all the time, I like being able to help him so he doesn't have to get up too often… even though I think he might be milking it just a little bit.

Silly man must think I'll stop coming over once he's fully recovered. Either that or he just likes an excuse to get me into his bed. Though I would think it's pretty obvious he doesn't need an excuse for _that_.

Pretty sure I just heard Riley cough out '_whore'_ in my head.

Bitchy inner commentary aside, things have been going well. We talk a lot, about everything, and snuggle up on his bed together. But since we decided to start completely over, snuggling is as far as we've gone. As odd as it is, since we already know each other's O-faces, a kiss feels huge now… because it will mean so much more than it did before.

Everything we did before meant something to each of us, but for him, it was a fleeting moment he was grabbing on to with both hands. For me, it was what I hoped was the beginning of something much more. And now that that's a possibility again, neither of us wants to screw it up by getting too physical too quickly.

There _are_ kisses but not lips on lips. He kisses me on my forehead a lot, which I have to say makes me all melty every time he does it. I like to kiss his cheek, but when we're lying in his bed together, I sneak one in on his warm neck or broad chest at times. We've kept our hands in chaste places, though, as much of a challenge as that's been.

.

.

Edward grins at me as I enter his room with a laundry basket full of his clothes perched on my hip. Returning his smile, I plop the basket onto his bed and start sorting and folding. This has become our Saturday routine for the past few weeks. Laundry, dinner, and a movie with snuggling. I helped Jasper bring Edward's TV into his room because he was going a little crazy lying there and not being able to do much of anything.

"Please, Bella. I appreciate you doing my laundry, but you really don't have to fold it and put it away, too. I can do that."

I wave him off. "It's no big deal. The more you rest up, the quicker you'll heal. But you definitely owe me. I hardly ever do this at home. I just pull clothes out of the basket as needed and pop them into the dryer to get the wrinkles out."

He shakes his head in mock disapproval. "So messy."

"Yeah, but you still love me." The second I realize what I've said, I flush and start stammering. "I mean… I don't mean _love_ me. Like _that._ I mean…"

Edward throws his head back and laughs. At me.

I scowl at him.

"Sorry," he chuckles out before pulling in a deep breath. "You should've seen how big your eyes got when you realized what you said. Ahh, classic."

I chuck a pair of his boxer-briefs at his head—holey ones that I'm going to throw away because he apparently wears them until they're just a waistband and a few threads. "Shut it."

"Aww, come on. Admit it. That was funny." His smile is cheesy, but I can't resist it on that scruffy face of his, so I surrender with a nod and a reluctant grin back. "See? But I knew what you meant. And yes. There are a lot of things about you that I love."

My face and body flush for an entirely different reason, and I duck my head. "Ditto."

His eyebrows lift for a second, and his cheesy grin becomes much more devilish in nature.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" he asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Like… like I'm a t-bone and you're a hungry wolf."

He tries not to laugh again but fails miserably.

This time, I'm full-on glowering. "I'm serious," I tell him. "I have things to do around here if you want to eat dinner at a decent time."

"What if I want to eat _you_?"

"Ah, fuck." As if the blood rushing to the surface of my skin wasn't bad enough, now we have definite clenching… and remembering things he's _really_ good at. "Now you're just being mean."

"All right, fine." He sighs. "I'll be good."

"Uh-huh."

"Hey, it's not my fault you come here every day wearing those tight-ass jeans and sweaters that hug your tits and tease me with cleavage. _That's _what's mean. I'm practically an invalid, and you're dangling the steak awfully close to the wolf's mouth. Just sayin'."

Folding a huge green t-shirt, I tilt my head in fake sympathy. "Aww, poor baby. Being waited on hand and foot." He deserves endless teasing, in my opinion, but him teasing _me_ is not cool. I school my features back to impassive. "I think you'll live."

"Mm. Maybe." He pretends to think hard about something. "I could probably survive this if you gimme some sugar." Puckering his lips up, he makes comical kissing noises.

"You're terrible. I don't even know why I put up with you."

"Because you _love_ me."

I kinda do. "Oh, shut it. Ass."

"Yes, let's talk about my ass. Better yet, let's talk about _your_ ass. It's looking especially spectacular today."

I turn and take a stack of clothes to his dresser, making sure to bend over and shimmy a little. "Oh, this old thing?"

He groans.

And we have a direct hit.

.

.

About a week later, I'm just getting dinner going for Edward and me when I hear the deadbolt turn and the front door open. This isn't uncommon, so I don't freak out like I did the first time it happened.

"Hey," Jasper says, shedding his coat and sock cap. "How's gimpy?"

"Whiny."

"Shocking."

Edward had a check-up with his doctor and was given a donut pillow to sit on, which he's been grumbling incessantly about. Says it makes him feel like an old man with hemorrhoids.

Alice steps in behind Jasper, carrying a dish.

"Another casserole, Alice? You know I can cook, right?"

Jasper leans in and whispers loudly, "Don't fight it. You'll never win."

"Oh, shush, you," Alice says, swatting his arm and almost dropping her dish.

"Whoa, I got it." I lift the lid while walking to the kitchen and see it's another lasagna… the third one she's brought over in the last three weeks.

"I think I'm nesting or something," Alice says, watching me put the dish on top of a stack of them in the freezer.

"Nesting?" Closing the freezer door, I gasp and whirl on her. "You're pregnant?"

"I don't know, but we've been trying, and I'm late, so…"

"Doesn't nesting come at the end? Aren't you supposed to be all tired right now? Have you taken a test? Been to the doctor?"

"Take a breath, B."

"Sorry." I take an exaggerated deep breath. "So?"

"I'm only a couple days late. But that's not normal for me. I'll probably take a test in a few days."

"Wow. A _baby_."

Her smile is huge and infectious. "I know."

We lock our hands over each other's forearms, and we both squeal. It's not something I do normally, but this is huge, and I'm so happy for them.

Jasper and Alice are here all the time, which has apparently been the norm for the three of them for quite some time. Alice has always liked to mother Edward, ever since the three of them hit it off at work.

Now, I've been added to the mix, and I even convinced Riley to do our last two Sunday dinners here with all of us. He scowled at me when I told him our family just got a whole lot bigger, but I'm pretty sure I caught a small smile just before he turned away. He still doesn't quite trust Edward, but he figures since the man's not exactly mobile right now, he can't up and disappear again.

I invited Riley tonight, but he has a hot date, so it's just the four of us. We drag chairs into Edward's bedroom to play cards, which is always entertaining with this crew. Alice and Jasper both pretty much won me over the first time I interacted with each of them, and we've only grown closer since then. They're several years older than Edward and me, but we still have a lot in common and always have a great time together.

I admire their relationship and the ease they have with each other. I know I've never had anything even close to that in my previous relationships, if you can call a two-month thing with a guy in college and a few random dates relationships. And I certainly never witnessed it between my mom and dad. But I feel like I'm starting to have it with Edward. Now that he's opened up and we're both willing to trust each other with our hearts, things are pretty easy between us. Part of me is afraid to introduce the physical aspect again, to upset the balance, but the other part of me is _craving_ it. Craving _him_.

After I spank everyone in Rummy for the fifth time, Alice and Jasper decide to head home. I let Bree out into the backyard for a few minutes, make sure all of our dishes are contained in the sink, and then I assume the position, snuggled up to Edward in his bed.

"Did you have fun tonight?" he asks, squeezing his long arms around me and pressing one large hand into my lower back, which I _love_.

"Of course."

"You don't think they come over too much? Or that it's weird that they just use their key to come in?"

"Mm, not really. Would they use the key if you weren't laid up in bed?"

"They have sometimes. Alice is worse about it than Jasper."

"What if you were naked or had a girl over or something? Why wouldn't she just knock?"

He sighs and slides a palm up and down my back. "I don't know. She's just… Alice. She does what she wants, and I stopped bitching about it after a while because I never just sit around naked, and I never had girls here, so…" He trails off with a shrug.

"Never?"

"Nope."

"Like… never ever?"

"Like, never ever," he parrots.

"I'm the first?"

"Aren't you in grad school, smarty-pants?"

"Jerk." I move to twist his nipple, but he catches my hand.

"What is with you and Alice and titty twisters?"

His face is dangerously close to mine, dark green eyes full of humor and what looks a lot like adoration. _I'm the first..._ "Kiss me," I blurt out.

Edward blinks. Several times. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I breathe. But before he can respond or actually kiss me, I let out what I've been thinking all day. "I think we're putting too much pressure on ourselves to make everything perfect, and I don't want it to blow up in our faces. Plus, I really want to kiss you, and I'm tired of waiting for some magical time frame to be up."

"Fuck, me too." He swallows and thinks for a minute, still holding my hand, now pressing it to his chest. "But I think it's been kind of smart to wait so we could see how things went between us."

"Does that mean you want to keep waiting?"

"Hell no. You've been teasing me for weeks, woman." We chuckle together, and he skims a knuckle down my cheek, turning serious. "I just didn't want to rush you. We both needed time to get over my fuck-up."

"I've been over it for a while now."

Edward's lips curve into a soft smile. "Good." His eyes drop to my mouth, which falls open to release a rush of air at his gaze. "The thing is…" He licks his lips. "If I kiss you… it's gonna be insanely hard," he punctuates with an eyebrow lift, "to stop there."

"Hmm." Sliding my hand up over his shoulder, I move my fingers to scratch at the short hairs on the back of his head. At his soft moan, I press my body a bit closer to his. "So… it's all or nothing?"

His Adam's apple bobs, and he stares at my lips again for a moment. "Not necessarily. It's just… you remember what it was like between us…" His hand glides down to squeeze my hip. "I don't know how much restraint I'll have once you let me at your mouth again."

Said mouth drops open, and there is distinct wetness between my legs.

"But," he continues, "I'm grateful for whatever you want to give me."

I squeeze the back of his neck lightly and bring my lips to his chin. "And what if I want to give you everything?"

Edward groans and flops to his back. "Killing. Me."

"Sorry." I chuckle and scoot up to where I can lay my hand on the side of his face. "I know we can't do much yet. I know you're still in pain, and even though the doctor said it's healing well, I don't want to risk hurting you more."

He leans into my palm before turning and giving it a bristly kiss. "I know. I'll do my best to control myself, okay?" As he rolls to his side again, warm hands start roaming my back. One travels over my hip and down my thigh, but even though it's all I can think about, I don't hitch. Can't make that mistake again.

I run my hand over his shoulder, skimming down his bicep as he leans into me even more, gently pushing me to my back.

Edward looms over me, and my breathing grows shaky. I'm nervous, I realize. I can feel the heat creeping up my cheeks as he stares at me.

"Fucking beautiful," he murmurs with a small shake of his head. Then he licks his lips again, pulling the bottom one into his mouth and releasing it slowly, letting his teeth scrape over it.

He growls when I lean up and bite it because how could I _not_?

"Not helping me be good," he mumbles against my lips before sucking my top one into his mouth and then nipping at my bottom one. His hot tongue slides between my lips, and his hard-on grows more distinct against my thigh. When he grinds it into me, he lets out a little whine into my mouth. "Fuck," he pants, pulling away. "No grinding."

"I'm sorry." My breathing is ragged, and all I want to do is roll him over, tear his clothes off, and make him come over and over again.

His knuckles graze down my cheek. "Don't be sorry. Fuck. I just… _want_ you."

And now I'm whining because the way he says 'fuck' is _so_ sexy, and I want him too, but I can't have him because I went all _Snapped_ and ran him down with my car.

Okay, not exactly. But close enough.

Taking a deep breath that really doesn't do much to calm my raging hormones, I hook my hand around his neck and bring him closer for a much more chaste kiss. It's sweet and slow, no biting or nipping.

"Okay, so no thrusting, right? Thrusting is bad."

"Unfortunately, yeah."

"Have you been… taking care of yourself in the shower?"

Pink blooms on his cheeks, and he mumbles, "Maybe."

"And it doesn't hurt?"

"Just a little, but if I keep my hips kinda still, it's not bad… Why?"

Unleashing a bright smile on him, I wiggle out from under him and practically skip toward his bathroom. "Come on, stud muffin. I have an idea."

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**Thank you for reading! xoxo**


	12. Questions

**Thank you all SO much for continuing on this ride with me! I can't even tell you how much I appreciate you all for reading and for sharing your thoughts with me. **

**Gigantic thanks to Hadley Hemingway, Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy, Sophiacorgi, and Twilly for looking this over for me. **

**blah, blah, blah, disclaimer**

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**Chapter 12 - Questions**

Previously: "_Come on, stud muffin. I have an idea."_

"Did you seriously just call me stud muffin?"

"You bet your hot broken ass I did."

I love making him laugh.

After Edward makes his way, _slowly_, to the bathroom, I undress him almost as slowly, savoring the reveal of every hard muscle on his amazing body. As the water heats, steam creates a haze in the small space, and it only ramps up the haze of lust between us. I kiss and lick in places that make his breath hitch, and his dick points right at me, thick and pulsing with need.

"I think I like this idea," he murmurs against my neck as he pushes my jeans and panties down over my hips.

"Mhm. I'm brilliant, remember?"

"I never forgot."

Yeah, he gets a good, thorough kiss and my hand molding around his cock for that reply. His hips jolt forward, and he whimpers.

"Ow. Damn thrusting."

Wincing, I pull his hands off my ass and keep hold of one as I turn away from him. "Sorry, baby. Let's get in the shower."

He follows me into the small tub and slides the fogged glass door closed behind us. Dropping his hand, I turn and let the water wet my hair and cascade down my back. My head is tipped back, eyes closed, when big hands cup my breasts. His fingers curve around, and I let out a low moan as he gives me a good squeeze.

"Jesus, Bella. Your body… " Opening my eyes, I watch him pinch both of my nipples, pulling a gasp out of me. "There's so much I wanna... I…" Swallowing hard, he glides his hands up over my shoulders, my neck, and into my wet hair, and then his lips descend on mine.

This kiss is anything but tentative. A month's worth of sexual tension explodes between us, and his tongue slides and twists with mine. He holds my head in both hands and tilts it just how he wants it for the best access to my mouth, biting and sucking at my lips until I'm lightheaded and clutching at his broad shoulders to stay upright.

The low whine he lets out when he thrusts his erection against my stomach only increases the building heat between my legs.

Needing to slow things back down for his sake, I end our kiss with soft pecks and gently push him back. "Lean against the wall."

Edward's thick brows furrow in confusion, but he complies.

Licking my lips, I watch him settle his long body against the blue tile, inked arms coming to rest at his sides, not even attempting to hide the effect I'm having on him.

His gaze never leaves my body, blazing hot trails up and down until he seems to realize I'm not moving. When he locks eyes with me, I make sure to give him a teasing smirk, and his mouth falls open as I glide my hands down over my breasts and give my hard nipples a squeeze.

Palming his dick, he starts to step toward me but stops when I shake my head.

"Nuh-uh. If you come over here again, you know things will happen that will lead to thrusting, and thrusting is bad. So… stay," I tell him, letting one hand trail down over my stomach and to my pussy.

Edward growls like a dog at me, and I chuckle. "Touch yourself for me."

"Yeah?" He wraps a hand around his rigid dick, pumping once, and a moan spills out of my mouth. "You wanna watch, baby?"

"Hell yes, I do." Pressing two fingers against my clit, I begin making slow circles, gasping at the relief the much-needed friction provides.

"_Fuck_," he grits out as his hand begins pumping up and down his cock. His eyes are glued to the hand I have on my pussy, and he bites into his bottom lip while he watches me.

Feeling bold, I move a bit closer to him, and his eyes widen when I prop my foot up on the side of the tub, giving him a much better view. One of his hands reaches out to me, but I gently remind him, "No touching."

"Ungh," he grunts on a twisting upstroke, watching my fingers work my clit.

My breathy moans intermix with his gravelly ones in the air between us, floating from our mouths while we rub, stroke, pinch, pull, and stare at each other's every movement. The way his muscles shift beneath his skin dazes me. Not just his arms, which are both at work, one twisting and squeezing around his cock, the other giving his balls a gentle tug now and then. His abs ripple and contract. His thigh muscles pulse, and the tendons in his neck strain. His whole body is pulled taut and ready to explode.

The hot water hits both of us, and I want to lick every last line and drop of it off his skin.

The leg I have propped up is shaking, and my knee bumps into his hip, so I leave it there for stability... and because it gives me an excuse to touch him. He moans at the innocuous contact, his gaze flitting to my knee before moving back to the main event.

After squeezing one of my tits hard enough to make me throw my head back, I slide that hand upward, bringing my gaze back to Edward and sucking my index finger into my mouth.

"Christ," he breathes, and all I want to do is close the distance between us, throw my body around his, and let him pound me into the tile wall of this shower. But I know I can't.

"Close," I whimper, circling, dipping, my hips undulating.

"Bella… _Fuck_…" Edward's hand flies up and down his cock, and just when I think his muscles couldn't bulge out any more, they all tense up at once. His eyes squeeze shut, and he lets out a string of curses and grunts as he comes, releasing heavy streams onto my stomach.

Seeing his orgasm wash over him like that tips me over the edge, and I brace one hand on the wall, curling in on myself as the pleasure tightens further and then blasts out from my center and tingles through my limbs.

Still clenching and shuddering, I turn to the side and lean heavily against the tile wall, working to catch my breath. "Are you okay?" I finally manage to say when I look over at him.

He has the most serene smile on his face, so I guess that was a dumb question.

"You're amazing," he says in response, reaching out to grasp my hand.

Entwining my fingers around his, I smooth my curling hair away from my face. My lips are curved up too and feel like they might stay that way forever. "Best idea I ever had."

.

.

The best idea I ever had goes on repeat for the next couple of weeks, but as long as he keeps from hurting himself, I let him start touching me more and more. And the feel of his big hands on my skin sends me into my orgasms with less time and much more force.

I can touch his chest and arms, but that's it. Otherwise… there is thrusting.

Edward's gone back to work part time, but he's not allowed to do much. There's a bit of maintenance work he can do on the equipment, but mostly he sits on his donut pillow in the dispatch office, helping Alice if she needs it.

He hates it.

Says he feels useless.

He's itching to get back to normal duty and to start volunteering with the fire department again.

I'm in awe of his kindness and generosity. He might feel like he owes it to the man who lost his life, but most people wouldn't go to all that effort.

I wish Edward realized what a great man he is.

I try to remind him often, but I can tell he never quite believes me. I'm still working on that.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my classes let out around two o'clock, so I head over to Edward's for a bit before I go back and bury myself in lab research. Upon arriving on this cloudy Thursday, I find a large brown box waiting on his front porch.

I squat down and hoist it up, of _course_ zeroing right in on the return address.

Trixie LeDeux? Seriously? With hearts over the 'i's in her name?

"Some hooker sent you a package," I say when Edward answers the door, shoving the box into his arms.

"Wh—what?" His brows furrow before he looks down and starts laughing.

I don't see what's funny.

"Bella."

"It's fine," I tell him from the kitchen that I made it to in about three determined strides. "I'll give you some privacy."

Edward sets the box down on the dining table and steps up behind me at the sink, where I'm already furiously scrubbing a pan. "Bella, she's not a hooker." His chest rumbles with a chuckle against my back, and those stupid tingles race down my spine.

"It's fine," I repeat.

"Are you actually jealous that I got a box from a woman?"

"No." I scrub some more. Harder. "Maybe. I guess it depends on what's in the box. But could she have a more hooker-y name? I mean, really."

He slides his hands down my arms, stilling my movements. "You're being irrational."

"I know that. Don't you think I know that? Why do you think I'm scrubbing a pan instead of ripping open that box?"

Edward presses his face into my hair and laughs again. "You're adorable, you know that?"

"I'm… What?" I turn to face him.

I'm being ridiculous and petty, definitely not adorable.

"Adorable," he repeats. "And I kinda like that you're jealous. Weird?"

I shrug. "I guess not."

"Can I tell you about Trixie?"

I feel my body actually bristle. This is so weird. I've never felt so irrationally jealous before in my life. I guess I've never been with someone I cared about this much, and I feel… threatened? Ridiculous.

But I definitely know I want to keep him.

Not in the creepy _Misery_ sense. Just… yeah. I want him. He makes me want to doodle my first name with his last and cover my notebooks in inky hearts.

"Okay, sure."

"Okay." He slides his hands up and rests them on my shoulders after moving my hair out of the way. "So there's this adopt-a-soldier program, and when I was in Afghanistan, I got a care package one day. It was just filled with stuff I needed, like socks, deodorant, and shaving cream, but it also had stuff like playing cards and Girl Scout cookies. Turns out Trixie's granddaughters sell them."

His thumbs brush the base of my neck as I peek up at him. "Granddaughters?"

Edward smiles. "Yeah. Trixie's almost 70 now."

With a groan, I bury my face in his chest. "I'm an ass."

"But you're a cute ass."

"Shut up." I pull back to look at him again. "I'm sorry."

He leans down and kisses me. "It's okay." Another kiss. "Wanna see what she sent us?"

"Us?"

"Sure. I'll share."

See? Amazing guy.

I return his grin. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For being awesome."

The parts of his cheeks not covered in scruff turn pink, and he ducks his head before dismissing my compliment with a headshake. Stepping up to the table, he starts opening the box, and I wrap my arms around his middle, smoothing my hands over the soft white cotton covering his stomach, and laying a kiss on his spine.

Edward lays one of his hands over mine and hums before digging into the package.

"Yes! Thin Mints!" He holds up two boxes triumphantly, and I giggle at him.

"They're the best when you—"

"—freeze them," he joins me in saying, and we beam goofy grins at each other.

My cheeks get hot as he gazes at me, so I peek into the box. "So she still sends you socks?" I laugh.

"She likes to take care of me, I guess." He starts pulling out more boxes of cookies, along with a few packages of white undershirts. "I wrote her back after I got the first package, and we kind of bonded through our letters. My mom couldn't write to me, and I only got to talk to her on the phone once every few months. I ended up telling Trixie a lot about myself, and she told me all about her life and her family."

My smile is huge as I look up at his face, watching the adoration he has for this woman radiate from his eyes. "That's so cool. Do you still write back to her?"

"Of course. She likes to know how I'm doing."

"Have you… written to her recently?"

Turning to face me, he brings both hands up to cradle my face. "Are you asking if she knows about you?"

"Mmmaybe."

Edward smirks at me. Rude.

But then he kisses me. _Nice_.

"Of course she knows about you. I tell her all the important things."

.

.

Trudging toward the dark bedroom about a week later, I start peeling layers as I go. My coat lands on the sofa. I unwind my purple scarf and let it fall behind me in the hall. Shoes are kicked off in two different directions before I flop face first onto the bed.

"Long day?"

"Mmph."

I've been having to spend a lot more time in the lab lately to play catch-up now that Edward is up and about a little bit more. My thesis is coming along, but my research advisor has been riding my ass lately.

Why the fuck did I choose chemistry?

I used to love it.

Most days, I hate it with a fiery passion now. The lab takes me away from life more often than not. I've still made it to our last two Sunday dinners, though. Barely.

"C'mere, baby," Edward says, opening his arms to me.

With a pitiful whine, I crawl up to him, settling in to let him wrap soothing warmth around me. Letting out a long, contented sigh, I connect my lips with his for a soft, lingering kiss.

"Did you eat?"

"I think so."

He sighs, used to this answer. I get so focused on my work that I either forget to eat or forget that I ate.

My stomach growls.

"Guess that's a no."

Yawning, I snuggle closer, burrowing into his side. "I'll get some lasagna in a minute."

"What time do you have to go back in the morning?"

"Eight," I groan. "Alec obviously hates me. He's so mean," I whine some more. Alec is on my research team, and even though he's a fellow student, he's kind of a slave driver. I'm not sure why we all let him get away with it.

"He just wants you to do well."

"Don't take his side," I grumble.

Edward laughs. "I'm not. I'm on your side. Always."

"Good. He asked me out tonight."

His entire body stiffens, and I actually hear him gulp. "And what did you say?"

"What do you think I said?"

"Well… I hope you said no, but I know, uh… we haven't exactly made anything official."

I adjust so I can see his face. Uncertainty swims in his eyes. "Do you _want_ to make it official?" I ask him.

Edward swallows hard again and searches my eyes, his greens ones darting back and forth between them. "Do _you_ want to make it official?"

"Do you think I would've asked if I didn't?"

"Are we going to keep talking in questions all night?"

"I don't know. Are we?"

"Bella," he groans, rolling me to my back and planting a hot kiss on my lips. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Another question," I whisper.

He growls.

I grin. "Yes."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	13. Overnight Bag

**So sorry for the wait on this. I have a lot of valid reasons, but I won't bore you with those. Thank you so much for your patience and for leaving me so much love on the last chapter. xo **

**Ginormous thanks to Twilly, Hadley Hemingway, Sophiacorgi, and Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy. I can't thank these ladies enough for their help. I can be a needy bitch.**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 13 - Overnight Bag**

**BPOV**

"Well, holy shit," Jessica says from the kitchen when I come in through the front door of our house—_my_ house. She squints her eyes. "Is that… Bella Swan?"

Angela laughs from beside her. "By golly, I think it is."

"_By golly_? Really?" I drop my backpack and hang up my coat.

Angela shrugs and goes back to loading the dishwasher.

"Did you just… hang up your coat instead of throwing it on the back of the couch?" Jess asks. "Are you okay? Do I need to feel your forehead?"

"Wow, you're just full of funny jokes today," I mutter sarcastically, glancing at my coat hanging neatly in our entryway closet. Maybe Edward's tidiness is rubbing off on me.

"Can you stay for dinner?" Angela asks. "It feels like we never get to see you anymore."

With a sigh, I plop down onto a bar stool and watch my friends work together in the kitchen. "I'm sorry. I've just been spending whatever little free time I get with Edward. He needed help, and we wanted to start over, and now we're together, and—"

"We understand," Jess says, surprising me. "Really." She smiles, and I give her a grateful one in return.

"Thanks. But yeah, I'd love to stay for dinner. I escaped from the lab for a bit, but Edward went over to a buddy's house, thinking I'd be gone all evening." My excitement turned quickly to disappointment when I'd texted him, but I don't want to be that girlfriend who tells her boyfriend he can't hang out with his friends. Plus, I'll be in his arms later tonight anyway, at least for a little while. "What are you guys making?"

"Lasagna."

I stifle my groan. But just barely. I feel like I've been eating Alice's lasagna every day for the past _year_.

Over dinner, the girls let me know that they're both planning to move in with their boyfriends at the end of the semester, and at first, I freak out. But thankfully they've given me a couple months' notice, so I should have no trouble finding at least one new roommate.

I actually don't owe anything on the house because it belonged to my grandparents and then my dad, but I don't want to live alone.

"So when do we get to officially meet this mystery guy?" Jessica asks.

Moving my lasagna around on the plate, I shrug. "Soon, I guess. His ass is healing pretty well."

"I bet it is." She waggles her eyebrows. "I bet you play his naughty nurse, don't you?"

"Don't be gross, Jess," Angela admonishes with an eyeroll.

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me you didn't hear them going at it that one day before the month of _Sad_uary."

Angela's eyes drop to her plate, and her cheeks turn bright pink.

"Oh, shit." I cover my mouth and speak behind it, ignoring the tiny stab of pain that hits me at the mention of "_Sad_uary". That month with no word from Edward was a painful one, but my girls were there for me, even when I didn't want to admit I was sad. "Really? I didn't think we were that loud." I shift in my seat, distinctly remembering his big hand covering my mouth at times to help me stay quiet.

"Well, you were," Jess informs me. "'Oh, Edward. Yes! Right there! Yes!'" She cackles like a hyena.

"Eh." Unembarrassed, I wave a hand toward them. "That's nothing compared to the shit I've heard from you two and your boy toys in the last two years." I laugh as Angela's eyes pop out of her head. "Yes, even you. You're not so quiet behind closed doors."

"She's riiight," Jessica sing-songs, bumping Angela with her shoulder.

Cheeks still blazing, Angela squares her shoulders. "What can I say? Ben knows his way around a vagina."

"Pussy," Jess corrects with an eyeroll. "Only doctors and women my great-aunt Hazel's age are allowed to call it a _vagina_."

I laugh and pick up my wine glass. "I've missed you guys. I'll try to be around more. I promise."

"Aww, we've missed you too, Bells," says Angela.

"Yes, yes, but seriously," Jess interjects. "You get that hot piece of man. Don't worry about us. We'll catch up when we catch up. Deal?"

Smiling, I nod and pop a bite of their delicious lasagna into my mouth, thankful for low-maintenance friendships and easy conversation.

.

.

The next day after class, I go home, grab a quick shower, and then gather some clothes and bathroom stuff into an overnight bag so I'll have it with me when I'm finished in the lab tonight. Edward had a doctor's appointment today, and he said it went well, so I'm spending the night.

I may be a little bit giddy.

So far, I've been coming back home late every night, even though Edward and I have both wanted me to stay over with him.

I'm not a peaceful sleeper, though. I kick and twist and God knows what else, and I mostly know this because of how my bed looks like a tornado hit it when I wake up each morning. I've always been afraid of hurting Edward, something I seem to be really adept at, if I spent the whole night with him. Plus… morning wood and unintentional thrusting would have surely ensued, and there would be even more guilt on my end, and just no, thank you.

But now… he's finally almost healed, and we're officially together, and I want to sleep with him. Maybe not actual sex yet, but I want to fall asleep and wake up next to him more than I want most things in life at the moment.

While I'm packing, my phone starts blaring _Wrecking Ball_, and I roll my eyes at Riley's latest ringtone selection.

"Hey, Miley."

"Bitch, my hair is so much fiercer than hers... More fierce…? Fiercer," he decides.

"True story. And have you ever even listened to those lyrics? That song's depressing as shit. Something happy next time, please."

"Party in the USA?"

I laugh. "Sure. Or y'know, someone other than Miley."

"But Miley rhymes with Riley," he practically whines. "She's my spirit animal."

"She's _some_ kind of animal," I mutter. "So what's up?"

"I'm calling to give you the birds and the bees talk."

Pausing midway through stuffing a shirt into my bag, I pull the phone back to look at it and then burst into laughter. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Listen, skank. I'm pretty much the only family you've got, and you're about to go spend the night with a guy—"

"Edward," I interrupt. "I'm going to spend the night with Edward, my _boyfriend_, not some rando. Edward, whom you know and don't hate anymore."

"I know that," he snaps, and I can picture him bristling, double bitch-brow in full effect. "I just want you to be careful."

"Oh." It's moments like these when I realize just how much Riley loves me. He doesn't want to see me get hurt again. "I will. We've come a long way, Ri. You've seen us together. And besides, we might not even have sex... Okay, _Dad_?" I can't let him completely off the hook. I mean, come on.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay. I just wanted to check in. How ya feeling? Good? Sexy? Nervous? Bloated?"

"Fuck you," I bark out on a laugh. "But yeah…" I admit, dropping my hand to my slightly unsettled stomach. "I do feel nervous for some reason. I feel like this is a big deal."

"Girl, you got this, okay? That man worships you. He looks at you like he'd lick the bottom of your shoes if you thought they weren't clean enough."

"But weren't you just saying I need to be careful?"

"Yes. I am _not_ prepared for Bella Swan on pregnancy hormones, okay? Your PMS is bad enough." He gives an audible shudder.

I roll my eyes. "And here I thought you were worried about my poor little shriveled heart."

"Nah, that little raisin in your chest will be just fine, methinks."

That's about as close to a seal of approval as I'll get from Riley, but… "_Methinks_? All of my friends have gone crazy," I mumble, rummaging through my underwear drawer.

Riley ignores me and asks, "Are you packing right now?"

"Yep." I find some that'll work and move to stuff them into my bag.

"Please, for the love of all that's Miley, take something other than your pastel granny panties with you."

"They're not—" I start... with my hand still wrapped around said bundle of fabric.

"Are too."

"Fine," I growl… even though my cotton bikinis are hardly granny panties. And it's not like Edward hasn't already seen me in them a few times.

I even made sure there were no weird stains.

Still… I go back over to my dresser in search of something other than cotton.

It's possible I'll come up empty-handed.

.

.

When I finally get to Edward's house later that evening and knock on the door, there's no answer. All I can hear is Bree barking on the other side. After another knock and waiting another minute or so, I figure he must be in the shower since his truck is in the driveway, and the lights are on inside.

Since he's expecting me, I decide to make use of the key he gave me, which… I kind of wonder if he'll want back now that he doesn't need so much help anymore. We haven't been together very long, so it would be understandable, but I can't deny it would feel like a punch to the gut if he asked for it back.

Just as I step inside, Edward emerges from the hall with a deep sigh and his phone in his grip. His hair is slightly damp from a recent shower, and my heart flutters at how handsome he looks in his navy long-sleeved t-shirt and dark jeans. But the flutter dies when I focus on his hand as he runs it down his weary face, and his sad eyes connect with mine.

My body moves automatically, my feet carrying me to him and my hands reaching out. "What's wrong?"

He accepts a brief hug but then gently unwraps my arms from around his waist and heads into the kitchen with a quiet, "Just a sec."

A little hurt, I'm not sure if I should follow him or not. But when he stays in there and doesn't seem to be making any noise, I move toward the doorway.

Edward's tall frame is hunched over the counter, resting on his hands, chin to chest.

"Edward… What is it?"

Seeming to snap out of wherever he went, he shakes his head. "It's nothing."

I huff. "It's not nothing. Were you on the phone when I was knocking? What happened?"

"Look, I…" He swallows hard and then turns to face me, forest eyes pleading, for what, I'm not sure yet. "I think I need some space."

Everything inside me disintegrates, causing all my breath to whoosh out of me at once, and I sway on my feet. I have no idea what my face must be telling him, but he reaches for me with wide eyes before I have the chance to fall.

"No, Bella. Shit, I'm such a fuck-up," he mumbles, pulling me in and wrapping long arms around me, belying his request for space and soothing my aching heart. "I don't mean… I just mean for tonight." The relief is sharp, and I press my face to his chest, inhaling the clean scent of his shirt. "I'm so sorry," he murmurs against my hair. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that." He kisses my head. "Never."

I nod against him, letting him know he's forgiven. "But…" The first night we were going to spend together. _Finally_. And now…

"I know," Edward says like he can read my mind. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

Resting my arms around his waist and blinking back the tears that had gathered in my eyes, I ask, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not yet. I just need to be alone tonight." He strokes a hand down my hair. "I hope you can understand. It's just some family stuff that's going on. My dad's being a bigger asshole than usual. I swear I'll tell you about it. Tomorrow, okay? I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, and I don't want to keep you up. You should go home and get some good rest. You have another long day tomorrow," he rambles.

I'm so confused. He sounds nervous, and I look up to see a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead. Not fully understanding why he can't just tell me tonight or why he won't at least let me be here to comfort him, I nod, hoping this is as temporary as he's making it sound. "All right."

I stop myself from saying, "if you want me to go, I'll go," because that feels manipulative or at the very least, a little pathetic.

Walking toward the door to pick up my useless bag from where I dropped it, I stop to pat Bree on the head. "See ya, girl," I whisper to her as her tail thwacks a nearby table leg.

I'm in a daze on the drive home, exhausted and with a sudden headache. My thoughts spin in circles.

It's just tonight. That's what he said. No big deal. But I can't help but wonder... Edward can't be shutting down—closing the book on me already… Can he?

.

.

**EPOV**

"Fucking hell," I mutter, rubbing my sternum after my front door closes behind Bella.

Could I have fucked that up any harder?

This sneaky shit is for the birds.

If there's a next time, I'm doing it my way—straightforward, no tricking or misleading. My heart can't take that look on her face again.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I pull out my phone and fire off a text to one of my cohorts: _She's on her way._

The reply is almost immediate: _**Ready. Have fun ;)**_

My frown pulls up into a smirk, and my mood lifts instantly in anticipation of the fun I have planned. I shove my phone into my pocket, grab my overnight bag, and head out to my truck.

I've got some making up for lost time to do.

* * *

**Chapter 14 is well on its way, and I'm crossing every appendage in hopes I didn't just jinx it. Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	14. Never

**Very mixed reactions to the last chapter's ending. Thank you all SO much for sharing those reactions with me! **

**Huge thanks to my pre-readers for all of their amazing help!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 14 - Never**

**EPOV**

Approaching Bella's house, I notice her driveway is empty, and panic sets in, my heart thundering in my rib cage.

Did I upset her more than I realized? Is she not even coming home?

_Shit._

What a clusterfuck.

After pulling in, I hop out and grab what's waiting for me in her mailbox, slip it into my pocket, and climb back into my truck.

Then I wait, watching the street and drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. It feels like an hour's gone by, but when I look at the clock for the tenth time, I see it's only been a few minutes.

Phone in hand, I'm just about to call her when she pulls in next to me, eyeing me as we both step out of our cars.

I'm so fucking happy and relieved to see her in front of me, like it's been a year instead of less than twenty minutes, that I take long strides around my truck to get to her and pull her small frame into my chest.

"Um…" she mumbles against me.

"I know. I'm a jackass. I wanted to surprise you, and I just messed everything up instead." Pressing my face to the top of her head, I inhale the fruity scent of her hair and then lay a kiss there. "Are you okay? You weren't here, and I…"

It's then I realize she's stiff and unresponsive. Loosening my hold on her, I study her face… the droopiness of her eyes, the confusion in them, the slight frown on her lips.

"I had to stop to get some Aleve," she says, holding up a small plastic bag. I can see the gears turn as she realizes what I said, her eyebrows pulling together. "Surprise me?"

"Yes." I scrub my hands up and down my face. "Fuck. It just went all wrong. I had help from your friends, but I kind of… deviated from the script. I thought I could tell you I needed a night alone, and it wouldn't be a big deal, but then I just jacked it all up."

Bella's face wakes up, fire lighting up her eyes and eyebrows jumping up high on her forehead. "The _script_?"

I take a step back, and my hands move instinctively to cover my junk. "Please don't hate me. Can we go inside?"

She holds a hand up, shaking her head. "Wait. You're saying that making me think you didn't want me, even if it was just for the night, was part of some _ploy_?"

I yank at my hair because the surprise will be ruined if we don't get inside soon. "I never wanted to make you think that, Bella. I know I went about this all wrong, and the way I worded things was even worse because of our not-so-distant past." I take one of her hands in mine, and even though she lets me, she keeps hers loose, not gripping my fingers like I want her to. I try to rub the ache out of my chest. "The only explanation I have is that I was nervous when you came in. I've never planned a surprise for anyone before. You looked so beautiful, and then you hugged me, and I almost caved. And then I just couldn't think straight… I never should've tried to come up with this convoluted shit, but I… I swear my intentions were good. Please let me show you." I gesture toward her front door.

She narrows her eyes at me and crosses her arms over her chest, looking like she's about to ask me to get the fuck out of her life, and I swear I will drop to my knees right here in her driveway if I have to.

"Fine," she says, shocking me. "But you promise me right now that you will _never_ do anything like that to me again. Playing with my heart like that is not okay."

"I know." I feel like I've swallowed a dozen cotton balls. "I promise I will never do anything like that to you ever again."

"Ever."

"Never," I reiterate. "Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do. I _need_ you to believe that."

Bella must see that I'm stripped bare and totally sincere because her eyes soften, and she relaxes her stance. "I do, Edward. It's just… that really sucked," she says with a soft, mostly humorless laugh.

"Trust me. I know. It hurt me to know that I hurt you."

She nods. "Hug it out?"

"Fuck yes," I breathe out as relief floods my veins. "Please."

She steps forward, and having her warm little body in my arms never felt so good. Pressing my face into her hair, I pull in her sweet scent again. It must addle my brain completely because my mouth runs away from me before I can catch it, and I whisper, "I love you so much."

My eyes widen, and I swallow hard around the sudden lump in my throat, keeping her against my chest so she can't see the panic on my face.

_Too fucking soon, Masen._

Instead of tensing up like I expect her to, Bella absolutely melts into me. "You do?"

"Of course I do," I tell her, tightening my hold on her, reassuring. I don't ever want to give her a reason to doubt my feelings for her again. "Telling you was part of my big stupid plan tonight, but since I fuck everything else up, why not that, too?" Releasing her, I plunge both hands into my hair. "I tell you out in your driveway?" I berate myself. "Fucking _really_?"

Bella places her hands on my biceps and pulls gently, pushing herself into me until my arms are back around her. I take a chance and look into her eyes, and all I see is the love I have for her reflected right back at me in their depths.

"Edward, you may not know this about me yet, but I don't need grand gestures. I'm sure whatever you have planned is great, but I'm glad you told me like this, in a moment of unfiltered honesty." She lays her palm on my cheek. "I love you too, you know."

"Fuck," I breathe out. "Seriously?"

Her other palm comes to rest on my other cheek, and she pulls me down to her lips. "So much," she whispers just before kissing me sweetly.

The relief that rushes through me has me almost crushing her against my body, turning that kiss into something far less sweet, and the next thing I know, I have her pressed against her car with one of her legs hooked around my thigh.

"Shit," she pants into my mouth when I've finally let her breathe. Her hair's a tangled mess, her lips red and swollen. She looks entirely too fuckable, and I'm going to ruin the rest of my surprise if my dick doesn't calm the fuck down right now. "Let's go inside," she says, giving me that look… The one that definitely does _not_ help my dick calm the fuck down. The one full of promise that my dick will get touched. And soon.

"Okay," I reply, licking my lips. Her eyes drop back to my mouth, and I groan, my body still plastered against hers. "But I really want to do the rest of this the right way." Stepping back, I take hold of both of her hands, bringing them to my mouth and kissing the back of one and then the other.

Her responding smile makes my chest ache again, but this time, it's the sweetest ache, the kind I've only ever felt around Bella, the kind that tells me she's it for me.

"Okay," she says. "It's fucking cold out here anyway."

I keep my hand pressed to her lower back as we walk inside. I feel like I came close to losing her again because of my stupidity, and I can't stop touching her.

Her white wooden house is old, but it's much nicer than mine, and the bathrooms and kitchen were remodeled back when her mom was still around.

"Come to the bathroom with me."

"Mm, shower?"

"Even better." _I hope._

"What's this?" She stops at the table in the entryway and picks up the piece of paper lying there.

"It's my note for you. I figured you'd be inside already when I got here, so…" I trail off with a shrug.

"Why can't I go in my room?" she asks after reading.

"You can now." I grab her hand again and lead her down the hall. When I open the door, her hands fly to her mouth, and she gasps.

Her friends did a great job setting up for me. The room is lit up by candles on every surface. I thought the rose petals would be a little too much, but they kind of insisted since I'm going for romance. There are only a few here and there, so it looks pretty good.

"What is all this?"

"Well…" I move her hair out of the way so I can kiss her neck, and she shivers. I love that. Dropping my arms to circle her waist, I pull her back against my chest. "I wasn't brave enough to admit to you all those years ago on Valentine's Day that I was your secret admirer. And then I went and fucked up what should've been our first Valentine's Day together this year, so… This is me trying to make up for lost time and lost… romance, I guess." I lay a kiss just behind her ear.

Bella turns in my arms with tears in her eyes. "This is so sweet, Edward." She peeks back over her shoulder. "They even cleaned my room. I'm so going to owe them." She laughs, turning her happy face back to me. I'm so relieved to see that gorgeous smile again. "It was a disaster."

"I believe it," I reply with a smirk.

She tries to twist my nipple, but I grasp her hand just in time. "Hey, I've been at _your_ house all the time, taking care of your cranky ass."

"I know, baby," I tell her, gathering her in my arms again. "And you've been amazing. It's my turn to take care of you for a change." I lay a kiss on her forehead. "I have to say it's really weird to see your bed made, though."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. I-was-in-the-army-and-have-to-have-my-bed-made-perfectly-every-damn-morning," she responds with an eye-roll.

"You'll get those hospital corners down eventually." I dodge another titty twister for that remark, and we're both laughing, which I have to say feels damn good. Making her laugh is one of my main goals in life.

Still chuckling, I lead her into the master bathroom, which is also romantically set, with candles lit around the tub and the smell of whatever bath salts her friends used in the air. They must've run the water extra hot because when I test it, it's still warm.

Breathing a sigh of relief, even though most of the bubbles are gone now, I turn back to Bella. "This was a big part of the reason I wanted to do this here. You've been coming to my shithole for weeks now." She starts to interrupt with a scowl, but I lightly pinch her lips together between my thumb and forefinger, and she just rolls her eyes at me. "Anyway, you've been busting your ass in the lab and at school and work, so I had this nice, relaxing bubble bath in mind for you. And you have this kickass tub… not to mention that kickass bed…" I waggle my eyebrows at her, and I crack up laughing when she does it right back. "Fuck, I really love you," I tell her, pulling her in for another scorching kiss.

She moans into my mouth, standing on the tips of her toes and throwing her arms around my neck. I grip her hips and pull her against me harder as her fingers slide into the hair at the back of my head. I love it when she scratches there. I feel like I should be kicking my leg like a dog does when you find that perfect spot on their belly.

Releasing her with two soft pecks, I swat her on the ass. "Now, get undressed. I'll just… watch."

She laughs at me but pulls her shirt over her head and drops it to the floor. My eyes trace the line of muscle down the middle of her stomach to her belly button and then zero in on her hands as she pops open the button on her jeans. Lifting an eyebrow, she eases the zipper down one little tooth at a time.

"Tease."

Bella reaches around to her back and unhooks her bra, letting it fall down her arms and to the floor. "Tease, huh?"

I groan at the sight of those perfectly round tits, my dick pulsing against my zipper as her nipples pucker and harden in the air. Palming myself, I lean against the counter across from the tub and then grip the edge of it to keep myself from pouncing on her.

"I don't even get any music to go along with this little striptease?" she asks, covering her breasts with her hands.

"Oh, music. Shit, I forgot. Here." I pull up iTunes on my phone, but all I really have is alt-J, Zeppelin, a little Nirvana, Cage The Elephant, Theory of a Deadman… Not exactly romantic. And definitely not "striptease music". "Uh…"

I keep scrolling, not finding anything useful, but then I snap my gaze back to Bella when she suddenly starts vocalizing some '70s porn type music.

"Bowww-chicka-wow-wowww." She's not really dancing, just kind of swaying and running her hands over her body, which my dick and I are _not_ complaining about.

Her lips mash together, trying like hell to hold in her laughter, and I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I am right now in my entire life. But it dies in my throat as she turns around and bends over, sliding her jeans and panties down her legs all at once.

I guess the teasing part of the striptease is over.

_Fuck me._

Swallowing hard, I straighten up and ogle her shamelessly as she steps into the bathtub while gathering her hair up and securing it on top of her head. She throws me a smirk over her shoulder, giving me a little shimmy before sinking down into the water, and I laugh again, wondering for the millionth time how I got so fucking lucky.

.

.

While Bella gets settled in the tub, I go to her refrigerator and pull out some more of her surprise, hiding one part and taking the other with me into the bathroom.

Her face is angled toward the door, eyes closed when I walk back in, and I smile at the sight of her so relaxed. She works so hard.

Crouching down beside her, I smooth a wayward piece of hair behind her ear and cup her cheek. A soft smile spreads her lips before she opens her eyes, and then we have this moment—one of those that seem super cheesy in the movies—where we just stare into each other's eyes. It doesn't feel cheesy when you're in that moment with the person you love most in the world, though. To have this woman's love… I can't even put into words what it means to me.

"How's your bath?"

"Amazing," she sighs. "It's been months, maybe years since I've actually taken the time to take a bubble bath."

"Not many bubbles left," I note, looking pointedly at her tits peeking up over the water and thin layer of foam.

"Complaining?"

"Fuck no."

She laughs, and I want to keep those smiles coming, so I pop open the styrofoam container I brought in from the kitchen and present what's inside to her.

"Ho-ly… Is that what I think it is?"

"Yep. Cheesecake on a stick."

"Shit. Gimme." In her excitement, she sits up and reaches toward me, accidentally splashing water all over my jeans. Luckily, I brought a pair of track pants for tomorrow, so I quickly change and then move to sit on the edge of the bathtub.

After she devours her treat, and my dick and I have been subjected to all the moaning, groaning, and _licking_… she hands me the stick and licks her lips. _Again_. "Fuck me, that was good. Thank you."

"Yeah, I could tell," I mutter. "You're welcome."

Her giggle is light, but then she turns serious and studies my face for a moment. "Did you really talk to your dad earlier?"

Swallowing hard, I nod. This must have been on her mind since I got here, wondering if I'd lied to her about that. "Yeah, but I don't want to ruin tonight by talking about him. It'll just piss me off."

"I'm so sorry, babe."

"Yeah, well… It is what it is. I thought it was good timing when he called, because I didn't know how in the hell I was going to pick a fight with you to get you to leave."

"Pick a fight with me?"

"Yeah, that was Riley's brilliant idea—a fight about something stupid that would make you want to take a night to cool off or some shit."

She scoffs. "That dick. I still can't believe he kept a secret from me. That's a first." Her mouth drops open, and she lets out a soft gasp. "He was even trying to throw me off by making sure I packed sexy underwear for you."

"Oh, _really_ now... Nice."

Bella chuckles and lightly slaps my arm that's lying on the side of her tub. "I didn't even find any." Her expression turns sheepish. "I guess I need to go shopping."

Leaning forward, I give her lips a soft kiss. "Nah. I prefer you commando anyway."

She snorts. "Shocker."

.

.

"Oh, my God. Your haaaands."

"Good?"

"No. It's horrible."

I press the heels of my hands harder into the area between her shoulder blades, and she lets out a throaty moan.

My dick jumps.

"I felt that."

"Yeah, well, those sounds excite him."

Bella giggles. She's face-down on her bed, and I'm straddling her back.

Her naked back.

Her naked ass is under my ass.

I have all these plans, but all I want to do is slide into the silky wet heat underneath me.

"Fuck," I whisper, adjusting myself before going back to rubbing Bella's lotion into her skin—the one that makes her fucking smell like cookies. "God."

"You okay up there?"

"No. Time to move to phase three." Thankfully I've already lotioned up her legs… which is the main reason my dick feels like it's made of titanium right now. Sliding my palms up the backs of her bare thighs and then over her ass… I swear she lifted her hips into my hands, too. I'm kind of shocked I didn't come in my pants.

"Phase three?"

"Of the plan."

"Oh. Okay." She starts to get up as soon as I'm off of her.

"Hold on." I cover her body with the top sheet so I can hopefully get my own body back under control.

Not fucking likely. Especially if she agrees to this next part.

Her dark eyes are full of questions, and I lean down to kiss her. "Would you do something for me?" I murmur against her lips.

"Hmm, depends."

"Aren't you supposed to say, 'yes, anything'?" I ask, pinching her side and making her laugh and squirm.

I'm still leaning over her on the bed, braced on one arm, and she lifts her eyebrows at me in question. "Well? What is it?"

Without answering, I move to her closet, knowing her friends have found what I wanted. When I come out with the hanger dangling off my finger, Bella's mouth drops open.

"Seriously?"

"Would you?"

"Um…" She brings her hand to her mouth to chew on a fingernail.

"It's okay if you'd rather not. It was probably a stupid idea. I—"

"I'll just take it to the bathroom to change," she says, standing and pulling the hanger off my finger, her dark eyes full of lust and promise.

_God._

There is no tearing my eyes away from her bare ass as she saunters back into her bathroom. I'm practically salivating at the thought of seeing her come back out, though. I'm surprised she agreed without even knowing my plans, but fuck if I'm not glad she did.

"It still fits!" she exclaims, emerging in her old blue and white drill team uniform from high school.

"Very nice."

She's all temptress, walking toward me with a seductive glint in her eye. "What would you have done if I'd come up and talked to you in school while wearing this? If I'd helped you up but given you a peek up my skirt first?"

"See? Tease," I mutter.

We both know she never would've done that. It's not her style, but this is our own little role play, and all bets are off.

"Awww." She runs her finger down my lips, which are in a distinct pout.

"Honestly? I'm pretty sure I would've run to the bathroom and jizzed myself within about 12.5 seconds."

We both dissolve into hysterics.

"So what's this all about?" Bella motions to her outfit.

"Just a sec." I grab the flower from where I hid it behind some of her books and pull the piece of paper that was hidden in her mailbox earlier out of my pocket. "I couldn't find a red heart-shaped lollipop, so I got you a red rose, and… here." With a shaky hand… _What the fuck?_ … I give her the same note I sent anonymously to her years ago. It's soft and worn around the edges now, and I still can't believe she kept it. "Pretend I was brave enough to give this to you in person."

Tears fill her eyes as she reads it over again, and her smile grows bigger until she's beaming at me, the first two tears streaking down her cheeks. "High-school me probably would have smiled and thanked you but been too shy to do anything more. But _this_ me…"

She places the note and flower on her nightstand and steps closer to me, throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me down. Her lips part over mine, her hot breath washing over them, and I plunge my tongue inside, groaning as my fingertips come into contact with her thighs at the hem of her miniscule skirt.

I grasp at her leg and hitch it up, skimming my hand up to her ass and digging my fingers into the pliable flesh there.

She's still fucking bare.

Now that the doc's given me the go-ahead for sexual activity, I'm afraid this is going to be embarrassingly quick when it happens.

"Going commando at school?" I click my tongue at her. "Such a dirty girl."

"Uh-huh," she whimpers into my mouth, whipping her hands through my hair as I slide a finger through her lower lips.

"Shit." Pulling my hands back, I stop for a moment before I push her up against the wall and fuck her right here and now. Not that I think she'd complain about that, but… "I just want to say something before…" Clearing my throat, I take her hands in mine and lock eyes with her. Bella's face is all soft and pretty, full of love and trust, and it means everything to me. "As much as I had a crush on you back in high school, I never could have imagined how amazing you really are." Her eyebrows pull together, her dark eyes turning glassy. "I have so much fun with you, Bella. You make me feel important and loved, and it's something I never thought I would find with anyone. And to find it with you… It's unreal." A tear hits her cheek, but her lips are curved up at the corners. I swipe the moisture away with my thumb and press on, hoping to convey everything I'm feeling for this incredible woman. "I love you more than anything, and... even though I still don't feel like I deserve you—" This gets me a bitchface from her. "—I'm grateful every day that you threw that stupid ice scraper at my truck."

Her scowl transforms into a smile, and we both chuckle at the memory.

Still smiling, Bella places her palms on either side of my face. "Ditto to all of that. I'm grateful every day that we reconnected too, and I'm not sure I deserve you either."

"What the fu—"

She shushes me and continues. "You're an incredible man, Edward, and you have a beautiful heart. Someday you'll realize that you deserve good things in your life."

"Mm. Maybe. I do know that you're the best thing in my life, and I'm not letting you go."

"Good," she murmurs, stretching up to kiss me again. "I'm gonna go ahead and say going commando in my old drill team uniform is another good thing in your life."

"Fuck yes it is. And I definitely deserve that for all the times you tortured me with it back in the day," I tell her with a wink so she knows I'm kidding. She obviously didn't and doesn't owe me a damn thing, but fuck if I didn't fantasize about lifting that little skirt up and doing all kinds of wicked things with her.

"Well, then." She turns away from me, and I panic a little, thinking she didn't realize I was joking after all.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"I'll just be over here at my locker," she says, cutting off my apology, "minding my own business, waiting for a certain sweet boy who gave me a beautiful note to come kiss me." She slants a flirtatious look at me over her shoulder, and my body propels itself forward before I've even told it to.

Bella pulls in an audible breath and trembles as I trace a finger down her spine. Dipping my head down, I bring my lips to her ear. "Did you like my note?"

She stays facing her closet door but nods and answers, "Yes," on an exhale.

She's already breathing heavily in anticipation, but so am I. There are so many ways… so many positions in which I want to take her. I've been fantasizing about this woman for _years_, and now I'll finally know how it feels to sink into her, to feel her completely wrapped around me.

My dick is straining against the fabric of my pants, trying to get up that little blue skirt.

I let my hands fall to her thighs again, fingertips brushing, and then I grip her waist before running my hands up her torso to cup her tits and squeeze.

She arches and moans, and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on.

"Edward…"

Another shiver rips through her, and I can feel it against my lips as they skim up her neck. "Mm, what, baby?"

She lets out this needy little sound, this sweet whimper in the back of her throat. "I'm gonna need you to fuck me now."

"Ungh." I can't help it. I thrust my hips into her. Hard. She stumbles a little but braces her hands on the door she's facing. "Right now?"

"Yes," she replies, leaning her head back on me and plastering her entire body against mine. "I'm done with the teasing. It's been _months_ of teasing. Please."

Bella can't stay still. She's writhing against me, arms lifting so she can run her fingers up through the hair on the back of my head, pert round ass rubbing against my dick. That soft, sweet "please" made me impossibly harder, even though she never has to beg. I would never deny her.

Skimming my hands back down her body, I grip her hips and anchor her ass against the hard line of my cock, grinding into her. I need to stop for a minute, though, or this'll be over before it starts.

I decide to slip back into our role play… just for a minute. "Wanna go somewhere with me?" She glances back at me in confusion, digging her fingertips into my neck. "The hall's kinda crowded, and I'd love to be alone with you, Bella."

She smirks and turns around, pushing me backward with a light hand on my chest. Hitting the bed, I sit and look around like it's the first time I've been here.

"Wow, I can't believe I'm in _the_ Bella Swan's bedroom."

She laughs at me and says, "Oh, shut up," before climbing onto my lap and crashing her lips to mine, knocking me backward. Her ass is a magnet for my hands, and I latch on to push her hips into mine and give us both that sweet friction. "More," she whispers into my mouth.

In a flurry of activity, I have my clothes and her top off, and we're back to the same position we were in when I was massaging her. Except there's nothing between my leaking cock and her glistening pussy.

The skirt… I can't explain it, but I asked her to leave it on. It always drove me crazy with lust, and now is no different. I have it flipped up so I can see all of her hidden goodies, all the things I never had the right to see but wanted to desperately. "So goddamn sexy," I murmur, kneading her supple cheeks and pushing them apart so I can see where she's hot and wet for me.

For _me_.

Seconds before I'm finally going to make love to her, and I still can't believe she wants me.

Bella's chin is angled down, touching her shoulder, and she's watching me out of the corners of her pretty brown eyes. She sees me staring and lifts her hips up, pushing her ass into my hands even harder. I dig my fingertips into her flesh, and she hisses out a _yesss_.

I already had an inkling that she likes it a bit rough, but I'm still testing the waters. I haven't spanked her yet, but with that response, I'm guessing she'll love it.

Grasping my cock, I run it down through her lips, coating it in her arousal and rubbing it against her clit.

"_Please_," she grits out, her hands fisting the sheet underneath her.

I line myself up and then lay my body over hers, covering her hands with mine and linking our fingers together. My face ends up almost level with hers over her left shoulder, and I lay a light kiss on her mouth before sliding my lips across the back of her neck. I know what my warm breath washing over the sensitive skin there does to her, and I love the way I can make her quiver beneath me. She reaches back and rakes her fingers through my hair, sending tingles down my spine as I slide inside her for the first time.

.

**BPOV**

Edward's massive body covers every inch of me, the heat of him permeating through my skin. Easing into me, he moans out my name, and I clench my jaw as he stretches me. It hurts, but it's so fucking good at the same time, the way he fills every available millimeter of space inside me.

Once his hips are flush with my ass, I tilt my own hips up, greedily pulling him in even deeper. Sliding in that extra half inch, he groans, and his mouth comes down on the juncture of my neck and shoulder, teeth pressing gently and nipping at my skin.

Tremors rock my body, and I cry out, gripping his fingers tighter and squeezing my eyes shut.

He continues dusting kisses over my sensitive skin, the tickle of his scruff only amplifying the tingling sensation rushing over me. "You okay?" he asks.

"Oh, God, no. I am so much more than okay." My voice is breathy as my entire body pulses with desire for this gorgeous man. "You? Are you hurting at all?"

"Fuck no," he grunts, following that up with a twitch of his cock inside me.

_Unf_.

His warm thighs are on the outside of mine, and mine are pressed together, snug around his thick cock. I know it's tight, but I squeeze him anyway.

"Fuck…"

"Now," I demand.

Lifting his torso off of mine, he shifts his hips back and then slams back into me.

"Ah, _shit_."

"Good?"

I bury my face into the bed and give him a muffled, "So fucking good."

Edward brings his face back down to mine, and I turn toward him. Our heavy breaths wash over each other's faces, and we take one another in through hooded eyes.

He presses his lips against mine and murmurs, "I don't think I can go slow, Bella."

"Fuck slow," I tell him, nipping at his bottom lip. "Give it to me."

"I fucking love you." He rears back and obeys my command, pounding back into me and rocking me forward on the bed.

"_Yes_. Harder."

His thick cock drags across every sensitive nerve-ending inside me as he slides back out. He moves our joined hands to press into the mattress on either side of my shoulders, gaining more leverage to slam his hips into my ass again, plunging deep inside me and forcing a strangled cry from my throat at the intense jolt of pleasure.

His hands release mine as he straightens up completely, straddling the backs of my thighs. His palms land on my ass, fingers squeezing and pinching as he sets a steady pace, fucking me like he means it.

I lift and push my ass back against him on every hard stroke in, and holy _shit_. Never have I had sex like this. _Never_ has it been this good.

"Fuck, yes," I moan when he digs his blunt nails into my ass cheeks.

"Yeah? You like that?" He's all confidence now. Insecure Edward is in hiding for the moment, and I love seeing this side of him.

"Yeah," I manage to get out, overwhelmed by the way he's working my body, his stiff cock moving in and out at the perfect pace, each small flash of pain he inflicts on my sensitive skin only bringing me that much closer to my orgasm.

And what an orgasm it's going to be. I might not survive it.

Out of nowhere, he's back on me, covering me and wedging his hands underneath me to grip my breasts and continue pumping into me. His hot breath is gusting onto the back of my neck as he presses his forehead to my hair.

"Oh… _God_." Frissons race all over my skin; the sensation of his strong body pinning me down and ravaging me propels me toward oblivion.

"Oh, my God, Bella," he whispers into my ear. "It's… _fuck_… you feel amazing."

His words and the way his breath makes my skin tingle causes me to clench around him, and the sexiest fucking grunt falls from his mouth.

My eyes won't stay open, not with this onslaught of pleasure. Behind my eyelids, I can picture the strong lines of Edward's body tensing and shifting as he continues to drive into me. His muscled arms lock me in place, and large palms squeeze my breasts. Every hot inch of him is pressed to every inch of me, and even though I'm so much smaller than him, I don't want him to move off of me. Ever.

He could squeeze all the oxygen out of me, and I wouldn't notice nor care, as long as I reach that precipice before I die.

Speaking of dying… my little death is approaching fast. My clit is being pressed into the bed with every thrust, every single part of my body drowning in heightened sensation.

"_God_, your pussy… Bella..." He punctuates his statement with a hard thrust into me, and I want more.

More, more, more.

"Fuck, I love your cock," I rush out as the breath is once again expelled from my lungs when his hips meet my ass.

We are slick with the best kind of sweat, and the sound of slickness in other places only serves to turn me on even more.

"Yeah? You want me to come in that pretty pussy?"

I get another grunt out of him by squeezing my inner muscles. "_Yes_."

"Yeah… gonna come so hard in you."

"_Please_."

Two more thrusts and a firm suck on my earlobe has me shaking, squeezing, shuddering, moaning, groaning, cursing, and then sated and boneless underneath him.

Edward's last several choppy thrusts are punctuated by, "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," and then his muscles strain all around me as he pulses inside me, so thick and hot.

He collapses all his weight on me, making me realize he was actually holding some of it off before, but quickly rolls off to my side.

I pry my eyes open and swallow thickly. "I think you killed me."

Through heavy breaths, he chuckles and says, "Ditto."

Moving over to him, I drape myself across him and kiss the scars on his torso from when he was injured in Afghanistan, something I've started doing any time we're intimate. It's a reminder that I could have lost him before I ever had the chance to find him again, and I make sure to say a little thank-you that he survived.

My brain begins to fog up as sleep tries to claim me. "Mm, I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

His arms envelop me in warmth, and I snuggle into him, fitting my lips in between his for a kiss that I hope conveys just how much I truly love him and how grateful I am that he's in my life… and for that kickass orgasm.

Just before my eyes fall shut, words I don't mean to say right then slip out, but I'm too exhausted to panic...

"Move in with me."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	15. Ours

**Sorry for the delay! I appreciate your patience SO much. I know it sucks when a story takes forever to update. It weighs on me all the time when this happens.**

**THANK YOU for sticking with me! **

**Huge thank-yous to my lovely pre-readers/betas: Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy, Sophiacorgi, and Twilly! You've all helped me so much, and I truly appreciate it.**

* * *

**Chapter 15 - Ours**

"_Move in with me."_

**EPOV**

My heart thumps against my sternum at her words, and I watch her beautiful face for any signs that she realizes what she said—a crack of an eyelid, a twitch of her lips, like maybe she's holding in a smile... _something_.

...

Nope. Nothing.

We've napped together before, so I know she talks in her sleep. Maybe it's like being drunk. Maybe people are more honest when sleep-talking, too. Although, most of the time, her words are incoherent ramblings about steamed milk and mixing chemicals and I think dancing polar bears stealing her Coke, so maybe not.

"Bella?" I whisper, skimming my fingers down her soft cheek.

She's completely out, so I lie back with a heavy sigh.

She probably didn't mean it. I'm sure she'd say it's too soon, but fuck... I want her to mean it.

I want to go to sleep next to her every night and wake her up every day with morning sex. I want to let her make me froo-froo coffee if that's what makes her happy. I want to see my dirty work boots sitting on the purple rug by her front door because it's _our_ rug and _our _front door. I want to shovel the driveway for her and take out the trash and all those domestic things people do for each other because they want to make life a little easier for the person they love.

I won't push her, though. I have to be patient. This is one thing I won't mess up.

Realizing she didn't clean up before falling asleep, I go into the bathroom and wet a washcloth to wipe away as much of the sticky mess we made inside her as I can.

My cock stirs at the sight of my cum leaking out of her. I don't even know why that's so hot, but damn.

Bella shifts a bit and lets out a soft moan as I brush the cloth over her, but I resist the urge to lick, finger, and fuck.

She's exhausted, and so am I. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.

With a kiss to her hip, I leave her to sleep, tossing the washcloth into her washing machine and coming back to spend the night with my girl for the very first time.

.

.

Groggy, I blink open my eyes to the darkness blanketing Bella's bedroom. It takes me a moment to realize the small hands roaming my body woke me, and I let out a contented hum as I roll over to face her. We're both still naked, and I'm already rock hard, so it takes no time at all before I'm inside her again...

And again a couple of hours later as weak light filters through her blinds...

And again when the sun is up, and I can see every soft curve of her body while she rides me.

We finally drag ourselves out of her rumpled sheets around ten, no longer able to ignore our growling stomachs.

Bella snags my t-shirt, and it completely swallows up her small frame as she slips it over her head. I give the hem a little tug as I walk past her, loving seeing her in my clothes, and we exchange goofy, post-coital, happy-couple smiles.

I don't even bother putting anything on to go brush my teeth. Bella comes in behind me and sits on the closed toilet lid, grabs her hand mirror, and starts plucking her eyebrows, which I swear she does ten times a day. The woman is obsessed.

After spitting out my toothpaste, I glance over at her because I can feel her eyes on me. When I realize what she's staring at, I let my amusement take over my face.

"Bella."

"Hm?"

"You're uh… kinda making goo-goo eyes at my dick."

"I know." She sighs dreamily. "I love him."

"Him?"

"He's my new best friend."

With a snort, I shake my head.

"He's _very_ nice to me."

My laugh is loud, and I'm so damn happy to be with this woman, to know I can satisfy her. "Yeah, well your new best friend is worn out, so stop trying to make him come out to play again."

She stands with a pout on her lips. "Fine. Wanna take a shower together?"

I point my finger at her. "Evil."

"What?" she asks, making her eyes all big and round and innocent.

_Right_.

"You know exactly what," I tell her with a laugh, swatting her on the ass when she gives up and walks past me.

Bella whirls back toward me with a gasp. "Now who's evil?"

Oh, yeah. She definitely likes to be spanked.

_Duly. Noted._

Over our late breakfast, she asks me about my conversation with my dad again. It's been such a great night and morning, and part of me wishes she hadn't brought it up, but I know it's only out of concern for me.

"He was asking… no," I correct myself, "demanding more money from me. He must be gambling again. Even if he was drinking more than normal, he wouldn't be blowing through money that fast."

"Shit. I'm sorry, babe."

With a shrug, I shovel a bite of scrambled eggs into my mouth. "It is what it is," I say after swallowing, "and I feel like I can't say no because what if my mom needs something? I wish I could fucking get her out of there, mainly because I never get to see her and don't know for sure that she's okay. She says she is when we get the chance to talk, but..." I trail off with a heavy exhale.

Bella reaches across the table and lays her hand on mine. "I wish you could, too. Does he ever leave for long periods of time? Maybe we could move her out behind his back?"

Shaking my head, I flip my hand over and grasp hers. She's so sweet with all the "we" talk and wanting to help my mom. "I've thought of that, but she's told me before that she won't do that to him. I can't force her, and I know he doesn't physically hurt her or anything. He never has, and she believes he never will. I think he really does love her. He's just shitty at showing it. And he's a royal fuck-up." I shrug one shoulder. "Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree there."

Bella scoffs. "Stop that. You're nothing like him."

"I wouldn't say nothing, but thank you. I do my best not to be."

With a soft smile, she releases my hand and goes back to eating. After a few minutes, she suddenly tilts her head and furrows her brows while chewing on a piece of bacon. "Did I…?" Blinking, she shakes her head as if to clear it.

"What?"

"Um…" Her thumbnail goes into her mouth for a second. "Did I ask you to move in with me last night, or did I dream that?"

My body sags in relief that she at least remembers it. I didn't want to have to bring it up myself or just keep it bottled up until she decided to ask me for real… assuming she would.

I shouldn't doubt her, but I still sometimes have a tough time wrapping my mind around the fact that she's my girl and that she loves me the same way I love her.

"Yeah, you did, but you passed out right after, so I, uh… wasn't really sure if I should bring it up or not."

"Oh." She takes a bite of her eggs, and I can't read the expression on her face. She stares at a scratch on the dining room table and continues to eat for a moment. "Hypothetically…" she starts, glancing up at me and then back down at her plate, "if I _did_ ask you to move in… what would you say?"

Smiling, I shove a bite of hashbrowns into my mouth, making her wait like she did me. A laugh bubbles up, and I almost spit little bits of potato all over the place when she scowls at me. "Okay, okay," I say, still chuckling. "You're talking about when Jessica and Angela move out, right?"

"Right."

"Well, my lease isn't up 'til October," I tell her, trying my best to sound sad and apologetic. Bella's face falls, and she looks down again. "But I think, hypothetically…" My lips lose their battle with the grin that bursts forth, and I wait until I have her dark eyes trained on mine again. "I'd say fuck yes."

.

.

Less than two months later, Bella's semester is over, her roommates have moved out, and Bree and I are settling in.

I didn't want to wait until October. No fucking way.

I'll be paying rent on an empty house for a few months, but it's a small price to pay to be able to live with my girl. And I can't even begin to describe how happy that makes me.

As Bella and I are getting ready for dinner one evening in early June, Alice calls me.

"Hey, Al."

"Hey."

"How ya feelin'?"

"Tired."

"Seriously? I've never known you to be tired. Ever." She is the Energizer freaking bunny.

"Yeah, well, I've never been a host for alien life before."

I snort at her well-used description of being pregnant. "Fair enough. To what do I owe the pleasure of your phone call, Mrs. Whitlock?"

"Smartass," she replies with a laugh. "I was calling to see if we could work out a deal."

"O… kay."

"Okay, so Jas and I are talking about getting a house because we need more room, obviously. Our lease is up this month, and we were wondering if maybe we could sublet your place while we look for a house since you're living in sin with B now." She snickers.

"Funny." I grab a couple of plates from the cabinet and some silverware to set the table while Bella finishes cooking. "Anyway, yeah, of course. That would be pretty great actually. I hate having it just sitting there empty."

"Sweet!" I hear her clap in the background.

With a chuckle at her excitement to move in to my shithole, I tell her, "Just lemme know when, and I'll help you guys move."

"I knew I could count on you."

"Always."

"Tell B hi for me."

"Will do."

"Alice?" Bella asks once I've hung up.

"Yeah, she and J are gonna move into my house for a bit while they look for a bigger place."

"Oh, awesome. Is—"

My phone rings again, cutting her off, and I answer without looking, assuming it's Alice again.

"Yes'm?"

"Edward," a soft voice answers.

My heart takes flight in my chest. "Mom?"

"Edward," she says again, her voice shaking. "Your father… I think he's passed away. He… I need some help."

"Shit," I breathe out. "Okay. Of course. I'll be right there. Did he collapse? Did you call 911?"

"I'm going to call them now. Please. I need you here to let them in." The way her voice keeps breaking is _killing_ me. I can't stand it when she's in any kind of pain.

I clutch the phone tighter, trying to quell the shaking in my hands. I can't quite keep the shakiness out of my voice, though, when I answer her. "Okay." I look around frantically, for what, I'm not even sure. My chest hurts. "Okay, I'm leaving now. Go ahead and call them, and tell them I'll be there as soon as possible to meet them. Okay?"

"Okay, son."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too."

I'm already to the front door when I hang up, and Bella trails after me.

"What happened?"

Raking my fingers through my hair, I turn toward her. "I think my dad died."

"Oh, God," she says, covering her mouth with one hand. "What can I do?"

Pulling her to me, I kiss her forehead. "I don't know. I need to go over there."

"Of course. I'll come with you." She starts putting our food away to be eaten later.

I step over and wrap my arms around her. "You don't have to do that, baby. I don't even know exactly what happened. I don't want you seeing some gruesome scene or something."

Bella chews on her thumbnail for a second, and then she takes my face in her hands. "All right. How about this? I'll go with you and stay in the car until you decide it's okay for me to come in. And if you decide you don't want me to come in at all, that's fine too. And if you want to bring your mom here, you know I'm totally okay with that. I can't imagine she'd want to stay there right now."

Pulling her in for a tight hug, I bury my face in her neck, soaking up her calm comfort. "You're amazing. You know that?"

"Ditto."

Taking a deep breath, I touch my lips to her neck and then release her, moving to lay a soft kiss on her lips. "Okay, we better go."

Bella nods and grabs her purse, and I squeeze her hand when she entwines our fingers, so grateful for her strength and love.

.

.

Turns out, it was a heart attack that killed Edward, Sr. I always figured his liver would kill him, but I guess it didn't get the chance.

We have Mom moved in to one of the guest rooms in Bella's house. Well... _our_ house. I'm still not used to thinking of it that way, even though she corrects me all the time.

After a long day at work, filling potholes and doing maintenance on MoDOT's equipment, it's a sweet sight to see my mom and Bella huddled together, laughing and chatting in the living room. I can't imagine my mom's had much to laugh about in the past several years.

And knowing Bella helped her out of bed and to the couch… It makes that ache in my chest flare up again. The good kind.

"How're my girls?" I ask them, hanging my keys up and depositing my work boots on the edge of the purple rug.

"Just fine, dear," my mom says.

"We're great. Your mom was just telling me embarrassing stories about you from when you were little." Bella's dark eyes dance with her amusement, and I can't help but smile at her.

"I don't even wanna know. What's the plan for dinner?"

"I ordered pizza," Bella says, stepping over and offering her lips to me. Kissing her in front of my mom makes my neck heat up, and I have no idea why. It's not like she can even really see us, being completely blind in one eye and mostly in the other.

It's probably all the dirty things running through my head whenever Bella's in the room, and especially when she's pressed up against me like this. I've always felt like my mom knew exactly what was going on in my brain.

"Okay, I'll get cleaned up." I resist the urge to swat her on the ass as I head to our room. It's something I do all the time now because she really _really_ does love being spanked. And I really _really_ love her ass. But… my mom is sitting only a few feet away, listening to the TV.

I feel weird about doing anything sexual with Bella while my mom is in the house. It's been a few days already, and I've been behaving myself so far, but it's getting more and more difficult to resist Bella's body. I'm used to being able to grope her anytime, anywhere. And in bed… God… the way she presses her ass into my groin, wiggling and tempting me. She thinks I'm being silly, that my mom won't hear, and even if she does, she'd understand that we're an adult couple, and that's what adult couples do. But… nope. Can't do it.

Tonight, she's persistent, licking and stroking, and she finally gets me to the point where I can't take it anymore. I have to admit it amazes me to know that she craves me just as much as I crave her.

She convinces me that a shower will muffle any sounds we might make, and with a victorious grin, she leads me into the bathroom.

It's over far too quickly. Not surprising, considering how much tension was built up between us, but it was no less satisfying. I made sure to trail my fingers down her spine and get a good shiver from her. When her moans grew loud, I clamped one hand over her mouth and gripped her hip tightly with the other, pounding into her while she braced her hands on the tile wall.

"Fuck," I rasp out, still buried to the hilt inside her, enjoying the lingering spasms around my dick as we coast down from our orgasms.

"_God_, that was hot." Bella rests her head on the tile for a moment before letting me slip out of her and turning toward me. "No, no, no, no, no" she says, looking into my eyes. "No guilt."

"Trying."

"Your mom is stronger than you think, Edward."

"I know she's strong. I know." Placing my hands against the tile on either side of Bella's head, I let my forehead rest against hers. "And you know it's not really the sex I feel guilty about."

"I know," she says, stroking her hand over the back of my head.

"I wish she'd let me take care of her."

Bella tilts her face up and presses her lips to mine and then smooths a hand down my cheek. "You'll still be able to take care of her in a lot of ways, but this is what she wants. It's great that your dad kept up with his life insurance premiums because the facility she's going to is one of the best," she reminds me. "And we'll be able to visit her all the time."

"We?"

"Of course."

I can't _not_ kiss her after a statement like that. "You're so great with her."

She shrugs, smiling. "She's an amazing lady. She's kept her sense of humor all these years, and I already loved her just because she's your mother. Without her… I wouldn't have you," she finishes with another small shrug at her own cheesiness.

That earns her another kiss, deeper this time. "She loves you, too. Already." I cup her neck and stroke my thumbs over her jaw. "No surprise, really."

Bella's lips twist to the side, tilting up into a flattered half-smile.

"She knew you were it for me even before I did."

"How?"

"Well, I told her about spending the day with you back during the winter."

Bella's eyes widen comically.

"Not _that_." I laugh as her body sags in relief. "I just told her I spent some time with you and how I couldn't believe we reconnected after all that time. And then I told her about how much I fucked everything up. She knew, even then… She actually cried when I told her we worked things out and got together."

"Oh, my God," Bella breathes out as her fingers dance over the tattoos on my forearms. It's something she does a lot, probably without even realizing it. Her hands continue up over my biceps to rest on my shoulders. "That's so sweet."

Nodding, I kiss her forehead and wrap her up in a tight hug as she sighs against me. Since we're alone, I can't resist giving her a good smack on the ass too, before letting her go.

"Oh, you ready for round two?" she snarks with a wicked smirk.

Laughing, I shake my head. "No, not just y— _Oh_…" Her hand is around my dick, and before I can wrap my mind around what's happening, she has me hard again and is on her knees in front of me. "_God_," I choke out when she sucks me in as far as she can. "Okay." I nod and swallow around the sudden dryness in my throat. "Round two. Yeah."

.

.

The summer heat gives way to changing leaves and nice fall breezes, and before we know it, winter is making its presence known again.

My mother is loving Park Meadows Assisted Living, and even though it's a little farther away from us than I would've liked, I have to admit it's a great place. And she wanted a cat, so we had to find a place that's pet friendly.

We visit her as often as we can, and watching her scarred and wrinkled face split with a smile every time we see her is just the greatest gift.

Alice is about to pop with Jasper's and her twins. _Twins_… I can't even imagine taking care of _one_ baby, let alone two.

I never thought I'd want kids, to be honest. I haven't been around them, and I just know I'd royally fuck up any I had of my own. But now, there are times when I can't help but fantasize about having a mini Bella or two running around, wreaking havoc. Thinking about Bella being the mother of our children is just… amazing. I get chills every time I imagine it.

Maybe someday.

.

.

The first snowfall of the year is earlier and heavier than normal, and I'm plowing my old route… the one that brought me to Bella.

It's corny as all hell, but it had to be fate that brought us back together. If she hadn't parked in the street, and I hadn't buried her car, and she hadn't gotten all pissed off and thrown her ice scraper at my truck… I don't know. Maybe we would've bumped into each other in a grocery story instead, but I like our story better. Even with the fuck-ups.

My phone buzzes on the dash, and I pull over to answer when I see it's Jasper.

"They're coming!"

"The red coats?"

"Very funny, asshole. The babies. They're coming. Right the fuck now. Oh, fuck."

"Calm down, man. You got this."

"I don't know, Ed. This is just… huge, y'know? I mean, I'm gonna be someone's dad. That just seems… really fucked up, right?"

"Why? Because you used to be a stoner? Nah, man. You guys'll be just fine. And Alice will know what to do when you don't. Piece of cake."

Jasper snorts into the phone. "Yeah, right. Twins. Piece of cake."

"I thought you were excited, man."

"I was. I am. I'm just…"

"Freaking the fuck out?"

"Pretty much."

"Listen, dude. You are gonna be the coolest dad on the planet, and those boys will look up to you, and you can teach them to play Halo and all kinds of cool shit like that."

"Yeah, okay. Yeah."

"And I'm guessing Alice might be freaking out too, so you gotta be strong for her, all right? Keep it together in front of her, or she's gonna think you're bailing on them or some shit."

"Dude, she knows I wouldn't do that."

"I know she knows. But she's gonna have all those hormones and stuff raging, right? So just… I don't know. Hold her hand and try to smile and shit. Okay?"

"Yeah. Hold her hand. Smile. Got it."

He still sounds terrified as hell. Pretty sure I would be, too.

"Where are you now?" I ask him.

"I'm in the hall outside her room at the hospital."

"Well, get the fuck in there, man!"

"Right. Okay. Thanks, Ed. I'll let you know when…" I actually hear his gulp through the phone. "... when I'm a father."

"Jasper."

"Yeah?"

"You got this," I reiterate.

"Yeah… Okay, I got this. See ya soon."

Hanging up the phone, I rub my forehead. "Fuck," I mutter before dialing Bella.

"Hey. Did Alice call you?" she asks.

"Jasper."

"How's he holding up?"

"He was kinda losing it, but I think he'll be okay."

"Aww, you talked him down, didn't you?"

"Maybe."

"Heart o' gold, I tell ya."

I know she'd wink at me if I were in front of her, and it makes me laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll let you know when I hear back from him. I'm sure Al will be a little busy later."

She snorts. "Yeah, that's putting it mildly."

It's the next morning before we hear from Jasper again, and he sounds totally chill this time, like some kind of serenity has washed over him.

Alice tried to deliver the babies the regular way, but she ended up having to have a C-section overnight. The boys stayed in the nursery on oxygen for several hours, but they're doing okay now.

"Heyyy, mama," Bella whispers to Alice when we get to her hospital room. She's got one baby asleep on her chest, and the other is being bounced by a grinning Jasper.

"Dude," he says to me, shaking his head in contented disbelief, his smile still firmly in place.

"Congrats, man." I walk over and slap his back, albeit softly so I don't wake up the little dude.

"Thanks. This is Ben, and that's Brady," he says, angling his chin toward Alice. He offers me a quick smile but then zeroes right back in on the bundle in his arms. He's head over heels already, and I squeeze his shoulder before stepping over to Alice.

"Good job, Mama," I tell her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

"Thank you. I'm exhausted, but they're so amazing. I mean, look at these teeny tiny fingers." She lifts Brady's hand that was resting on her chest. "I can't stop looking at them. How can fingernails be that teeny?"

We all laugh softly, and then Jasper offers to let me hold Ben. Panic fills my chest, but then he places him in my arms, and it doesn't feel nearly as awkward as I thought it would.

"Hey, little guy," I whisper to him. "I'm your Uncle Edward." I keep both arms wrapped firmly underneath him, even though I have this inexplicable urge to touch the soft skin on his cheek. "We're gonna have so much fun together, buddy. Once you get past this shitting-in-your-pants phase."

Alice gasps, and Jasper and Bella shake their heads at me as they chuckle.

I wink at Bella, whose smile has been huge and bright ever since we walked in the door.

The next thing I know, she's holding Brady, and my chest feels too small to contain my heart as I watch her coo to him. She looks like a natural, making sure his blanket is wrapped tight and his hat is staying on. She hums and bounces her knees a little when he lets out a soft cry.

"Bella…"

"Hm?" She looks up at me, and I've never been more sure of anything in my life as I am that I want to spend the rest of forever with this woman.

"Think we should have one of these someday?" I ask, smoothing one hand over the top of Ben's head.

Bella's smile grows impossibly wider. "Yeah?"

Grinning back at her, I cock my head to one side. "Maybe a wedding first?"

Her cheeks have to be hurting now. Tears are filling her eyes, and she gives me a shaky nod, squeaking out a, "Yes."

.

.

Two weeks later, I walk out of Park Meadows Assisted Living with something shiny in my pocket. My mother had always said she'd save my grandmother's ring for me, but I never thought much of it before reconnecting with Bella.

Mom and I went to the bank today and retrieved it from her safe deposit box. She had to keep it there so my dad wouldn't try to sell or pawn it.

It's a beautiful ring—simple and classic. And I think Bella will love it.

My plan is to catch her off guard, so I don't set up anything fancy. We're doing dishes together after she cooked a kick-ass dinner, and after the dishwasher starts swishing, I ask her if she wants to watch a movie. But as soon as we're on the carpet, I turn and grasp both of her hands in mine.

Her dark eyes blink up at me, surprised and curious. "What's up? Everything okay?"

I'm sure I look nervous because I one-hundred percent am.

But I know she loves me. I still can't believe it, but I know.

"I'm about to be cheesy as fuck, okay?"

"Okay," she says with a sweet laugh.

"Get ready." I swing our joined hands back and forth, jostling her body.

She giggles again. "Okay."

My grin is probably blinding her. Stroking the backs of her hands with my thumbs, I look deep into her eyes. "I love you so much, Bella. And I'm amazed every day by the love you give back to me." I swallow down the lump of nervousness in my throat. "I'm gonna fuck up. I mean… that's kind of inevitable, but I hope you won't give up on me. I want to be with you for as long as you can put up with me."

She laughs again at that and shakes her head at me as if to say she'll put up with me forever. I hope she can.

I drop her right hand to dig the ring out of my pocket and then lower myself to one knee.

"Holy…" she breathes out with wide eyes, blinking back her sudden tears.

"What I'm trying to say, Bella, is…" Pulling air deep into my lungs, I exhale as I place the ring at the tip of her finger and look back up at her.

I was ready to ask her _the_ question... but I can already see the 'yes' written all over her face and in her shining eyes. So instead, I slide the ring onto her finger and simply say, "I believe this belongs to you."

* * *

**The End**

**Thank you all so very much for reading!**


	16. Outtake: Original Ch 7 (EPOV)

**Hello again! I totally forgot about this, but I was reminded today by some lovely readers. This was originally going to be chapter 7, but it was a bit too early to introduce Edward's side of things, so I saved it to post later as an outtake. This was obviously written some time ago, and I've tweaked it some to hopefully fix any disparities.**

**Huge thanks again to Twilly, Sophiacorgi, &amp; Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy for giving this a once-over for me!**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

* * *

**EPOV - Outtake (original chapter 7)**

"All right. Enough! Get your ass up and in the shower right this second, or so help me…"

Harsh light invades my bleary eyes, and I let out a hiss, hunching back under my covers.

"Come on, Dracula. Seriously. This has to stop."

"Please just leave me alone," I manage to croak out.

The covers are ripped off of me, and a gasp follows. "Aw, shit. I don't need to see that."

"Then get out of my room, Al."

"Edward Masen, you get your ass up _right now_." I hear the thud of her little foot stomping on my carpet, and then she mercifully leaves me alone. The clanging in my kitchen tells me she's not going to leave my house, though, until I demonstrate that I'm still amongst the living. A comical thought, really, since I deserve to be dead.

Bree comes bounding in as I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and she nudges her nose up under my hand with a whine.

"I know, girl. I'm sorry." I take a minute to pat her head and scratch behind her ears, feeling guilty about being asleep for so long... not that it's anything new lately. The minute the smell of seared beef wafts into my room, though, she bolts out the door. "Typical," I mutter, shaking my head and standing up with a satisfying stretch of my limbs.

Stepping into my bathroom, I start the shower and move to brush my teeth since it takes my piece of shit water heater at least two minutes to get its ass in gear. I take a quick shower to appease the little dictator in my kitchen, because when Alice Whitlock says jump, you pretty much ask, "How high? How many times?" and, "May I get something for you while I'm up there?"

You'd think she was my sister or something by the way she barges in and barks orders at me, but we're not related. She just kind of adopted me after Jasper and I became good friends a couple years ago. Speaking of whom…

"Your wife just saw my naked ass," I inform him, sinking into my couch next to him.

"I heard."

"Worried?"

He snorts. I'm a little offended.

"Look, man. She wants us to talk again. She says I _have_ to find out what's going on," Jasper says, mimicking his wife's flair for the dramatic. "So can you please just tell me so she'll stop dragging me over here to babysit your sorry ass?"

Scowling, I prop my feet up on my coffee table. "No one's forcing you to be here."

"That's where you're wrong," he replies with a pointed glance into my kitchen, where his wife is busy preparing something that smells way better than anything I've ever produced in there. "Now, come on. Spill it. You've barely been over to our apartment in the last month. You made me take you off your regular route. You're _drinking_." Another pointed look goes to the nearly empty bottle of Jack on my kitchen bar.

"Not that much," I mumble, embarrassed to have been called out. I never wanted to turn out like my father, and I _won't_. I just needed to forget.

Every swig that burns my throat helps to dull the memory of deep chocolate eyes and perfect creamy skin, soft curves and wet heat, moans and whimpers from the most incredible woman on the planet, emitted just for me.

_Fuck._

Squeezing my eyes shut, I groan, sitting forward to hide the growing problem in my pants.

"Seriously, dude. What the fuck happened?"

My dick stands down at Jasper's close proximity, and I flop backward again.

"Bella Swan happened."

"Bella Swan…" Gears turn. He cocks his head. "Who's that? Do I know her?"

"Nah. I was pretty much in love with her all through high school, but she didn't know I existed."

"Ah, so your teenage spank fantasy." He nods sagely.

A short laugh escapes through my nose. "Something like that."

"So… what? Did you run into her?"

"You could say that."

Jasper turns off my crappy TV and angles toward me. "Look, dude. I'm not a dentist. I'm not gonna sit here and pull teeth all day. Just tell me what happened."

Resigned, I relay the basics to him, and understanding dawns in his eyes about why I wanted off my normal route.

And then his fist connects with my bicep at the same time a small hand smacks me upside the back of my head.

"_Ow_. What the fuck?"

My head swivels back and forth between Jasper and Alice, who I didn't hear stomp over to us from the kitchen, as they glare at me.

"Okay, fuck. I deserved that, but come on. A woman like her would never want a guy like me. She'd dump my ass the minute she really got to know me, and then where would I be?"

"Exactly where you are now, I'd guess," Alice shoots back with a raised brow.

I shake my head. "No. I'd be worse. Way worse."

"I doubt that's possible." She starts ticking things off on her fingers. "You've basically become a hermit. You start drinking as soon as you get home from work." I start to interrupt, but she shuts me up with a pointed look. She and Jasper are good at those, apparently. "The only thing in your trash can is empty bottles of liquor, Edward. Have you even been eating?"

"Sometimes," I mumble, feeling every bit the scolded child in this scenario.

She goes back to ticking. "I don't know if you get drunk and pass out or what, but you sleep all day. You don't answer your phone. Do I need to keep going?"

I sink farther into the couch cushions. "No."

"I'm putting you back on your regular route," Jasper says.

"No," I practically whine. "You can't. I won't be able to stay away from her, and I have to, Jas. She's like fucking Kryptonite or some shit."

"Yeah, well. You're no Superman."

I snort. Don't I know it.

"Exactly. I'm not good enough for her. I shouldn't have gone back for breakfast that day, but once I figured out who she was... And the way she was looking at me… She _never_ would've looked at me like that back in the day. It was like a drug." I run a hand through my hair. "I just couldn't stop. She's fucking amazing." I can't look at either of them as I spill my guts, so I talk to the hands I'm twisting in my lap instead. "After she fell asleep, I just looked at her for a long time. She was so peaceful... perfect, with this sweet little smile curving her lips." My own lips mimic the memory for a second. "She loves dogs and nostalgic movies. She's nosy and messy but also laid back and cool as hell. She's getting her master's and has this great career ahead of her. And who am I? The guy who barely graduated high school. The guy who ruins everything he touches. She might like the outer packaging now, but she would've realized pretty fucking quickly that she's still way out of my league."

Uncomfortable at having revealed so much, I don't look up until Jasper clears his throat beside me.

"I think that's more words than I've ever heard you say at one time in the two years I've known you," he says, blinking at me.

I slug him in the arm.

Alice's mouth is hanging open, her eyes full of disbelief.

"What?" I ask, irritated that she's still gaping at me.

"You really are an idiot."

Jasper takes that as his cue to go to the kitchen and get a drink.

"Well, thanks so much. You don't have to be here, y'know."

"Yes. I do. Who the hell else is going to knock some sense into you?"

"It wouldn't work out between us, Al. Trust me."

Alice crosses her arms and eyes me. "Who knew this big tough guy," she starts, jerking her head back and forth to emphasize her words, "all muscles and tattoos... was such a giant pussy?"

I stand up so fast she takes a step back. "What did you call me?"

Her chin juts out in defiance. She knows I won't hurt her. Doesn't mean I don't want to.

"You heard me."

"I want my key back."

She shakes her head. "Oh, no, you don't. You're not getting rid of me that easily. You're a stubborn ass, Edward, and you need tough love." She points a spatula at me. "You used that girl." My mouth pops open, but she cuts me off. "Whether you want to believe it or not, you used her. _And_ you hurt her."

I shake my head right back and sit down again. "You don't understand, Al. It was just some kind of slummin'-it-with-a-blue-collar-guy type fantasy for her. That's it."

"Oh, really? And that's why she asked you all kinds of questions about yourself and then tried to track you down through the office after you left?"

Furrowing my brows, I scratch the back of my neck.

"Exactly. Listen." Alice sits down next to me, softly taking my hand in hers. Jasper stays busy in the kitchen, doing what, I have no idea. "I know you've had things rough, and you've been hurt, Edward. But you can't keep assuming the worst of people. Not everyone is going to leave you."

"Everyone has."

"We haven't."

"True." I look down at my hands. "As much as I wish you would sometimes." Cutting my eyes to her, I give her a half-smile so she'll know I'm kidding, and she bumps my shoulder with hers.

"You've got to go talk to her, Edward, if for nothing else than to apologize."

Leaning my head back on the couch, I stare up at the water-stained ceiling. "I've already let so much time go by. If what you say is true and she feels hurt and…" I pause to swallow the lump of shame in my throat. "..._used_, then she probably hates me."

"Probably."

I scoff. "Thanks."

"Look at me." She waits for me to obey. "You have been to hell and back. You've been to _war_. You rescue people and fight fires. You can do this."

What she says about me is true. But I've never been so terrified in my life than I am at the prospect of facing Bella Swan again.

.

.

Her ice scraper is in the snow again. Her face is in her hands. And the punch to my chest is agonizing as I realize Alice was right. I hurt Bella.

It's not the first time I've hurt someone, but it's never made my heart squeeze quite this hard, because it's _her_—the girl no one else has ever measured up to and I know never would. The girl who worked tirelessly to hold a bake sale in eleventh grade to help buy toys for underprivileged kids. The girl I never thought I'd see again because she was destined for great things, and I was… not.

Watching her like this and knowing I did this to her pummels me because I never intend to hurt people, but I always seem to make every situation worse.

Shuffling forward, I think better of it and stop. I don't know what she'll do if I get close to her. Junk-punch me?

I wouldn't blame her.

Holding out her scraper in front of me, I repeat what I said to her that day over a month ago. "I believe this belongs to you."

Bella's pretty pink lips part and stay that way. She gapes at me for a solid minute. But then she snaps her mouth shut and glares before spitting out, "Keep it," and sliding into her car.

"Shit," I mutter as her brake lights illuminate, followed quickly by her reverse lights. She backs toward me, but I don't budge. I _have_ to talk to her.

"_Move_," she yells out the window, coming to a stop a foot in front of me.

"_No. _Not until you talk to me."

"Why _should_ I?"

"Because I'm sorry!" I shout, not brave enough to walk up to her window.

Apparently Alice was right. I. Am. A pussy.

"Not good enough," Bella says. "Now, _move_."

I find my balls and decide to stand my ground, but my eyes widen as her brake lights dim.

The next thing I know, I'm flat on my ass at the end of her driveway, blinking at the dark blue sky, in total disbelief that she actually hit me. Although… I'm pretty sure I deserved it.

And hey… at least now she's out of her car and talking to me.

Mission accomplished?

* * *

**Thank you all again so much! You've made this such a fun ride! I'm still working on review replies to the last chapter, so bear with me. **

**Some fabulous fics by some fabulous ladies:**

**GREED by Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy: **She thrives on the spotlight; he depends on the darkness. Theirs is a tale of an implausible friendship crashing, burning and rising again. Contribution to the seven deadly sins SALIGIA compilation from The Sinners posted on Fat Tuesday 2014. Originally a one-shot; now a multi-chapter story.

**Watch and See by JiffyKate:** Her sexual experience is limited, at best. She's never found pleasure in it, so what's the point? Now, though, she wants what he's giving. Seeing the women fall apart against his window has her yearning and wanting to the point she almost combusts sitting on the ledge, merely an observer. What would it be like if she were one of them?

**A Sinner's Grace by MrzEdCullen:** She wanted all of me, but I couldn't give her that. What I did give her was far too much, yet not enough. Having her walk back into my life could be my saving grace… if there's anything left to save.

**Down to Earth by Powered by 23 Kicks: **For centuries, a Muse has been tantalizing others, dancing in and out of lives with no real feelings or repercussions - until he meets the painter girl who challenges him. Xanadu meets Mt. Olympus at Twilight when history's sexiest Muse falls into forbidden love with a human.

**In Your Dreams by winterhorses: **One mistake gives Edward the power to put anyone to sleep and search their memories, but there's a drawback: he must also sleep. When a conspiracy threatens to destroy the tenuous peace between vampire and humans, the Cullens must figure out how to get information from vampire-hater Isabella Swan. How will they uncover her secrets when she thwarts Edward at every turn?

**SoCal by Krazyk85: **Being with them wasn't the problem, but losing me was. A life filled with sandy beaches and sunshine, I felt safe here. Nothing bad ever happens in SoCal, except maybe bad Mexican food. Or so I thought. This isn't your everyday love story. Based on the movie Savages. For Kninut, an Edward, Bella, Jasper- polyfic

**The Summer Before by ericastwilight:** It's the summer before college, and what better way to spend it than with friends on the beach. Love, sand, and the ocean is what awaits them. Can two people with difficult pasts move on? A birthday fic for Kyla713

**Unexpected Complication by Edward's Eternal: **Homeless Bella seeks shelter from a storm in an abandoned warehouse. But while she is there, she witnesses something she should never have seen. It was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. After discovering her, the gunman realizes he has no choice but to protect her from what she's seen. He has to save her—even if she fights him—even if she hates him.

**Love Hurts by Maplestyle:** I met Edward Cullen on my first day at my new high school. From that moment on we were practically joined at the hip. We dated for the rest of Junior year and all of Senior. Though we didn't take that ultimate step in our relationship, we were very much in love… or so I thought.


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